Grandparent issues
I'm new here and would like to know if anyone else has had issues with grandparents and step kids.
I have 10 and 7yr old boys and have been remarried for 3yrs now. The issue I have is that grandma seems to go out of her way to spoil only the children that are hers by blood only. It's gotten to the point that my boys ask questions like "Why didn't we get a gift when grandma and grandpa came back from vacation." or When out to dinner my son wants to sit next to grandma but she insists that she wants to sit next to "her" grandkids.
We've gone on vacations as well with them and its the similar type of situation where grandma and grandpa only want to have her blood grandkids have a sleep over in their room.
There are plenty of other scenarios but hopefully someone gets the gist of it. If not I can elaborate further.
My wife seems to see that there is an issue but says the only thing you can do is ignore it and limit the amount of time that my kids are around them which to me frankly stinks.
Any other thoughts or am I being too sensitive?
Thanks
I see both sides of the fence
I see both sides of the fence here.
The gparents should not make it so noticeable. But they should also not be held to the standard of treating your kids like their blood grandkids.
There is damage control that you and wife can do. And yes...not pushing your kid on the grandparents is one of them.
I also think the kids are old
I also think the kids are old enough to understand that they don't all have the same grandparents.. My mother buys SD a Christmas gift but I'm sure she will be much different to my kids when/if I have them.. It's just different when they are your blood.. Just like a stepparent does not feel the same about her stepkids as she does her bios. That being said, I don't think any adult should deliberately make a child feel bad.. that's just mean.
Although it's rude, I'm not
Although it's rude, I'm not sure what you can do about it unless you feel comfortable talking to them and explaining that whether they realize it or not, they are hurting your kids' feelings by being so obvious about their preferences.
I myself have no interest in my SD's kids BUT I do not have my own grandchildren to treat differently in their presence. I could never give one child a gift and not the other, that's kind of mean.
Nothing you can do, these are
Nothing you can do, these are not their Bio grandparents. My mom and dad both try with my SS and do buy him small things, but my son is their grandchild and they over do for him. He got 300 cash for Christmas and SS got 50...It is the way it is.
Not much you can do....
I agree that your wife is
I agree that your wife is right. Try to minimize the time with them.
A thought that hasn't been brought up...I am mostly a step-grandparent. I have a bio-GD that I've never met
and probably won't be able to meet for a while due to her mom's situation with my son. He hasn't managed to get a
CO for visitation yet.
I am hesitant to get too close to any step-grandparents.
Be honest...if you and wife divorce, and let's be frank, the chances are at least 50%, probably more, because you're
in a step situation...what are the chances those grandparents you are complaining about will be allowed any access
at all to those grandkids that you want to them to bond to? Hell...I don't know of many situations where the x-wife
gets to see her x-stepkids, let alone her parents.
Sometimes not bonding tightly with step-gkids is also self-protective.
Thanks for the suggestions.
Thanks for the suggestions. Maybe I didn't come across clear in my original post but I am not suggesting that the step grandparents treat them exactly the same but being so blatant about certain things like gifts and who gets to sit next to grandma is another thing.
Going on vacation with them they seem to have an issue with me spending time with my boys because they think we are just trying to not spend time with them and it hurts them but at the same time they treat my boys as if they need to sit in the back and watch the favoritism happen with all the other grandkids. It just makes for a very uncomfortable situation.
I have 2 skids and treat them as my own along with my boys and guess I just didn't understand how others couldn't do the same.
Yep and I guess its my choice
Yep and I guess its my choice not to bring my boys around them all that often. Unfortunately they are the type of people that hold a grudge and treat you differently if you don't see them as being perfect.
To me being in this situation as the outsider is rather disconcerting but will tell my wife that I will have to limit my time with them with my boys.
It's sad that they can't be
It's sad that they can't be kind to your kids. But I agree with what most of the people are saying. You can't change how others act.
Well this blew up. To Tog.
Well this blew up.
To Tog. There are issue with my wife and her mom and most of it boils down to how grandma takes over trying to parent my skids. Grandma lets her blood grandkids especially my 2 step daughters get away with being rude, selfish, etc. and when I try and correct them when at grandmas I am told "She's only 8 and expressing herself" but any inkling of my kids doing anything rude or disrespectful is met with disdain and get them away from me.
To StepAside, I get what you're saying but I liken it to when my kids are brought to a birthday party with other parents around. I don't have any expectation that those other parents are going to treat my kids with anything because they are not their kids but at the same time these parents aren't going out of their way to exclude them from activities or show favoritism in front of them the way grandma does.
I have my custody of me kids and my wife of hers and limiting time to go to grandmas is met with "why don't they like us?" when I don't attend with my kids. It is a oneway street with them.
I get what everyone is saying and the only thing I can do is keep them away from her at this point and not go on vacation with them but I know that will be met with fights but its what I've got to do.
Thanks