I’ve read through this site for over the last year and realized I wasn’t alone. I’ve used much advice and info. I now just need to vent for the first time. I don’t even care if anyone reads it because it will be lengthy ( I apologize), but I’m fed up and needed to get this off of my chest. I Started dating BF 2 years ago. I have 4 kids, 21, 19, 15, and 14. Two older kids are out on their own, two youngest ones with me. He has 2 girls, 10 and 12 which he has about 50% of the time. He was married for 10 years to one manipulative, narcissistic, money hungry, hoity-toity woman. She spent every dime he made, conned him into buying and giving her anything and everything she wanted; and he fell for it and did all of this because he thought it was the “right thing to do.” Then, she was out having affairs and left him at home with the kids and then she wanted a divorce. This man would have ate a crap sandwich everyday if he thought it would save their marriage all along while she was still using him and spending every dime of money. He even bought her a new car with a third row seat because she actually told him that her boyfriend had 3 kids and she needed a family car for when they’re all together WTH? He basically bought her and her boyfriend a new $45k car? OMG!!! Whatever; before my time. Then, part of their separation agreement was that she would keep the big ole’ 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom home and he went out and bought another home AND paid the mortgage on both homes! She had NO responsibilities. But again, he says he thought it was the right thing to do, he didn’t want to disrupt the children’s lives….ok whatever. He ended up letting his house go because at the last minute, she decided she didn’t want the house! He lost over $25k and then had to resume the marital home which she completely destroyed. He/we had to put $25k in it to get it back into shape and I absolutely hate this house! I don’t need some big fancy house that says “Look at me, look at me!” While all of this is going on, BM still has her hand out. She needed car repairs so she could get the kids to all their activities, she needed her lawn mower fixed so the kids could play in the yard, she needed grocery money so the kids could eat, she needed $1000 so she could take the girls on a vacation, she needed $500 so they could buy new cloths…you see where this is all going….SHE needed everything but played it out like it was all for the kids. NOW, having said that, this was all in addition to the $1200 he already pays a month in child support! I’m not one to keep quiet, and I kept asking him WHY he was still “providing” for her and giving into her…they’re divorced, he’s not obligated to her; and pays his support. To boot, he pays over $5000 a year for private school, $3000 a year for sports, and pays all the medical stuff. What more does this woman want? Let’s not go there. I’d been bitching about it for over a year and that’s when he finally realized he had been played and used all those years. She’s sucked any and all assets out of this man. He is now in a situation where he must file bankruptcy. Another part of their agreement was that upon the refinance of the home or a sale, he had to give her $50k in equity. Well, she destroyed his credit (and he allowed it) and the market sucks, so even though she signed a Quit Claim, she’s still on the mortgage because nothing could be done with the house. It’s now in foreclosure and he’s broke…literally but yet she still leaves 20 voicemails or texts saying “GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I’M TAKING YOU BACK TO COURT…you’re a deadbeat dad, you are a piss poor father, your pathetic, you have many obligations to me and you’re not following through” blah blah blah…whatever. This $50k was NOT alimony (he paid her a lump sum of $20k) and it’s no obligation. It was a property settlement amount that would come from the equity of the home….THERE IS NONE. She’s so dumb and doesn’t get it…all she wants his more money.

Moving forward, because of the ridiculous lavish lifestyle this woman though she had to have, this now means the kids have the same attitude. They are ridiculously spoiled, the get whatever they want, when they want. They are master manipulators, they guilt my BF into everything, they lie, they disrespect not only my personal things, but my kids things as well. He can catch them red-handed destroying something that doesn’t belong to them and all he does is make them say “Oh, I’m sorry, I was just blah blah blah”…excuses. No punishment or consequences are EVER put in place. They break every rule repeatedly and again, there are no consequences to their actions.

If my BF and I want 10 minutes of private alone time, forget it. We go to the bedroom to talk and they are pounding on the door “Daddy, you have to come here quick”…he goes running and I hear “can I have a drink of water?” Again, these kids are 10 and 12! You want water, GET IT! If we step outside to have a private conversation, boom! There they are. He tells them to go back in, but they try to give him 100 reasons as to why they “need” to be out there with us.

Every time he picks them up they seem to think they deserve to go out to eat, breakfast, lunch, dinner, you name it…like he has an endless supply of money.

I’m never greeted when I come home unless I have 20 Wal-Mart bags hanging from my limbs. No one helps carry them in or put them away or does the cooking (or cleaning)….but one of his daughter’s who has a serious weight problem and compulsive food issue just wants to scope out what I bought so she can see what she can attempt to sneak off with….that’s a whole other issue in itself which neither BM or BD will acknowledge…they just shove the junk in her and allow her to eat and eat….it’s sad.

The dog they begged for…they completely ignore. It’s caged up, they have to be told to let it out, feed and water it, walk it etc. But yet they demand to get more pets, I don’t think so.

These are just MINOR things…the list of crap they pull is long.

My biggest dilemma like many others, BF does nothing! These kids are their BM’s spy’s, they tell her EVERYTHING, there is entirely too much of BM’s presence in this relationship. I just bought a new home and he won’t even tell his kids we’re moving yet because his ex has already said he is “not allowed” to move more than 5 miles away because she “needs” him to be close to the school. Well, guess what, we are moving 20 miles away and I can’t wait! She just wants him to stay close for HER convenience.

The BF and I will have plans well in advance and as soon as she finds out, all of a sudden she has something much more important and he “has” to take the kids. You all know what that means….plans cancelled. Doesn’t matter what they were or how long they were planned, they are cancelled. Holiday parties, Bday parties, weddings, date nights whatever, I’m second fiddle. Get a babysitter? Right. He waits until 2 hours before the event and then tries to find one, which doesn’t work. Most times, he doesn’t even have the balls to tell me that the plans have to be cancelled because at the last minute, he has to take the kids. This is all part of her arsenal…..because the kids tell her everything so she knows exactly when to pull her stunts! He knows all of this yet he allows it. There is a parental schedule for a reason. Its not only to establish a routine schedule for the kids, but also to keep people like her on track as to not deviate from it and disrupting everyone…but she does and he gives in. She continuously has week long trips she takes and doesn’t have the courtesy to inform him in advance so that he can re-arrange his schedule, she’ll send him a text 2 days before she’s leaving and says you will pick the kids up from school and you’ll have them for the next week. AND…she makes sure to schedule extra crap for the kids that week…after school activities that wouldn’t normally take place, after school outings with friends, social gatherings at Build a Bear…all sorts of crazy stuff…and tells the girls that daddy is planning to do all of this for you and with you…..so he looks like an ass when he can’t or has to tell them no….however, the problem is, he NEVER says no…he will leave clients hanging, cancel important appointments, you name it. Its all about them always…and all about the BM and making sure he’s completed everything that she’s arranged.

He says I’m his fiancé…hmmm, where’s my ring? And I’ve NEVER suggested I wanted to get married…with all this drama, disrespect and spitefulness? NO WAY. He doesn’t get it. We aren’t a family….he has his own personal agenda that revolves around his ex and the kids and all of them are purposely driving a wedge in.

I’m now “disengaging.” The problem is, this has gone on for so long and we’ve talked and talked until I can’t talk anymore because it goes in one ear and out the other. No action, just meaningless talk. They are all rude and inconsiderate of everyone in the home. I can’t even sit in the living room and watch TV…his kids hog it up for 4 hours at a time. They're the only ones who exist in the house and anything and everything somehow autmatically belongs to them. My kids? They barricade themselves in their rooms. Thank God my BioD is a bookworm and thrives on homework and my BioS does his school work, plays video games, builds legos…whatever. And my kids and I always plan 1 day a week for time together…even if it’s just McD’s for breakfast or lunch. But…this is NOT a family environment. The BF and his kids have their own personal agendas, no one even asks about the schedules or plan of others in the home…yet BF claims he loves my children just the same as his own, and provides for them, and tries to show them they are special (which yes, on occasion he does so as long as HIS kids aren’t weaseling their way in which usually happens, then my kids are put on the back burner).

So anyway, my disengaging is actually more like the silent treatment. I’m sick of me and my children having to suffer because he can’t tell his kids NO on occasion or explain to them that the world doesn’t just revolve around them. I’m tired of him not standing up to the BM just the same. I’m just fed up. And oh by the way, the most disturbing part of all of this….my BF is a friggen lawyer. WTH?????? He should be taking some of the same legal advice he gives to clients! I’m ready to walk away. He’s financially irresponsible with his personal debts, prefers to sweep everything under the rug or look the opposite direction rather than deal with things…he never knows when or where his kids are supposed to be and everything is soooo indecisive. And well, it’s damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I’m just tired of hearing him say I’m going to do this, and I’ll do that, and I will handle this and I will handle that….BUT he NEVER does all the while his ex and kids stomp all over him. UGGGHHH