DH and I had our first counseling session yesterday in an attempt to seek help in blending our family. It went amazingly well. I related a few anecdotes re: DH's relationship with his daughter and the couselor picked up right away who has been given all of the power in the relationship. She proceeded to tell DH that his daughter cannot be on an equal level with him and that that is a place he should reserve only for me. She told him that giving his 13 year old all of the power in his relationship is dangerous fir her and a scary placefor a 13 year old to be. These are all things that I have told him as well, and he had the same reaction with her that he always has with me--hostility. I wanted to tell her how he lashes out at me when I tell him he doesn't need to perform Special Services for her or buy her love or indulge her whims. His daughter does not respect him and she knows how to manipulate him to get what she wants. The thing is, I don't blame his daughter at all for the way she behaves. She is 13 years old and has been handed the keys to the kingdom--why would she turn that down? Furthermore, she is more than happy to take her place in the family as "child" rather than "caregiver"...she doesn't need orwant that role. It has been thrust upon her by dear old dad who, despite his constant protests that he "is doing this for his daughter" is clearly doing this for himself. It is DH who has an unmet need or emotional deficiency that causes him to neglect relationships with women his own age in order to pursue his daughter. Without giving much of a backstory (which is long and arduous) I will just say that in our relationship/marriage I have often felt as though his daughter is his wife and, because he can't have sex with her, he keeps me on as his mistress. The problem here is that I know on some level he may not ever change, and he may not ever be able to offer me the level of intimacy I desire in a husband. I wonder often if it's really worth it for me to stand by him and support him while he figures his life out so that we can both have a fulfilling relationship with each other and all of our children. His hostility toward the couselor when she confronted his behavior tells me that this will at least take a lot of time and effort, and in the end he may just hive up anyway and go back to the same old habits because that is what's safe and comfortable for him.