I'm so thankful I have found this site! I need some advise b/c I feel like I am drowning. :o( I'll quickly inro myself. I'm a 35 yr old mom of two boys (7 and 12). I have been married previously, and have been in the position of step-mom previously. Looking back, I certainly didn't have the problem I do now in my current situation. I've been reading some of the posts on here, and am so happy to know I'm not the only one living these circumstances that us steps find ourselves in. I still need some advice though. :o)

I'm involved with a man that has 2 children - a girl who is almost 5 and boy who is almost 12. He sees both every other weekend. I have my 7 yr old full time and my 12 yr old goes between his dads and I (works great!). I'm strict on my children. Not strict in the sence of no room to breathe and not allowed to make mistakes, but strict when it comes to being respectful and showing common courtesy. If my children do something inappropriate (like hitting, or back talking, or being arguementative), they have appropriate consequences like time out, or previledges taken from them. As "strict" as I am told that I am. I am very close to both my boys. We love each other dearly.

Enter my S/O and his children. He is always on his son about something, but his daughter can do no wrong. This issues surround dicipline. His daughter locked the dog in the bathroom, and she got a kiss and hug (and a talking to - which consisted of just don't do it again ok dear - daddy still loves you) , she told my mother off and kicked her, and we got a "I didn't see it" response, she peed on her older brother, and I got a "it was an accident, she didn't pee all day" (meanwhile watching this play out, I could see the smile on her face as she was doing it), his daughter and my youngest fight like cats and dogs. I'm a firm believer that if they are both fighting (I don't care who started it), they both get timed out, and then we discuss what happened). I've been trying to impliment "House rules and regulations" that are fair to EVERYONE, but have had no support. He will NOT dicipline his daughter, but gets upset if I let my son away withsomething. His excuse is he only gets her every other weekend, he doesn't want to spend the weekend diciplining her. I tried to explain it's not about diciplining so much as it is about teaching her right from wrong. He refuses to do this. I'm tired of talking to a brick wall.

This past weekend was one big gong show. It resulted in me blowing my top, and being told by my S/O (in front of the children), that I need to stop over reacting. How are his children suppose to respect me, if he doesn't?! The S/O then tells some friends his side of this story (of course making me out to be the evil one), resulting in a phone call from his ex about what I said to his son over the weekend. Needless to say that conversation totally backfired on him, b/c the ex and I get a long great. :o) After I shared some things with her, she wasn't so concerned anymore. I'm thinking I may just do that with his daughter's mother. Just to bring her up to speed on some things as well.

My question is.....how do I handle this?? We are already going to couples councilling......