Feeling Crappy
I've tried but I just can't connect with this kid. He'll be 17 in a couple of weeks and I so wish it were 18 and then he could be out of here. He hasn't consistenly joined us for a family meal for about five months instead coming up 10 minutes after we finish cleaning us and reheats what is leftover providing it is something he likes. He has also been known to come up just after we go to bed and make himself macaroni and cheese, nachos or eggs. He also will make ramen noodles. In the five months he has joined us for two pizza meals, one going out meal and Salmon on the grill and Christmas Day dinner though he barely ate that and came up later to make macaroni and cheese. He cleans and puts his dishes in the dishwasher if we are nearby but not if we are not present. He will wash his dishes though he has been known to leave them in the sink. Glasses of which there are usually two or three are always in the sink or come upstairs as soon as the dishwasher starts. He sleeps most of the day and stays up most of the night , often gaming.
School is a issue. In ninth grade he reached over twenty absences, often because he didn't feel like going to school . In tenth grade he stopped going to public school in October, signing up to be homeschooled. He was getting credit by his dad for six hours of online instruction daily though the internet log didn't indicate his comluter was online at all and he was asleep. Once his dad caught on that ended , however, the son stopped doing work at all and the mom called and said she was getting emails that he was failing. Well needless to say he failed that semester and had to re-enroll back on public school. He was offered credit recovery in the summer which he didn't take or to take credit recovery in the fall and lose one elective. He took the fall, however, about October he stopped going and dropped out. It was suggested he take the GED test and be done. However, after being out of school for two months he elected to return to school in January. He is now a Junior. He'll have the two semesters to make up and his dad says he's in credit recovery.
When he comes home from being gone he will return right to his room, barely making eye contact with anyone. We've all said hi to him, he will reply some of the time. We've tried having conversations with him , somewhat successful. My 14 has made the best connection .
Just venting I guess. Here's to a new year and hopefully new connections.
Time for forced emancipation
Time for forced emancipation to get him gone.
Call an attorney to get the process started.
Start prepping the surface for a new reality for him. Lock down the internet and cut him off from gaming. Re-key the door locks and leave him on the curb for the usual work hours every day.
He is beyond salvage most likely and needs to be in a situation where his daily survival is entirely on his shoulders.
Good luck.
Oh please. You would never
Oh please. You would never have done this to your own skid.
OP - you aren't going to convince your DH to kick him out at 18 when he's still in high school. Just make sure there is a plan in place for after high school in terms of what she will expect from him.
Wrong.
We did much of what I recommended to the OP. We shut off gaming in our home, we locked the internet, we gave him the choice between performing in school or moving to a homeless camp and we re-keyed the locks and gave him access to the home only if he performed his responsibilities to the home and family. We left him on the front step if he failed to perform his duties to the home and family.
So, we did use these methods with our son. Fortunately he was sharp enough to get it and his mom and I were firm enough in setting performance and behavioral standards and applying disciplinary consequences for failure that we did not have to escalate to forced early emancipation.
He learned the relationship between performance and results and is doing great in his adult life. His mom and I are very proud of him.
Did you read your own post?
Did you read your own post? You advocated kicking him out as your first line of defense. He's 16. You can't "force emancipation".
I'm sorry no one called CPS on you for leaving him on the front step.
Wrong again.
In my response to the OP I did clearly and specifically recommend all of the things you claim I did not.
Re-read my comment. It is all in there.
As for leaving him on the front step.... he was 17 & 18 at that point. He chose the front step by choosing to not perform his assigned responsibilities.
The OP's Skid will be 17 in two weeks. He can be forcibly emancipated (at least he could be in Texas) for continual acts of non conformity and disrupting the household.
Oh I see - you spoke to an
Oh I see - you spoke to an attorney about "forced emancipation" of your SS? Uh-huh.
It's not legal in most states, and it's a lazy way to make up for crap parenting.
Nope.
We did not have to talk to an attorney about forcibly emancipating my SS. He pulled his head out and we stayed firm in applying performance standards, behavioral standards, and consequences for choosing not to perform.
It was an option though. Had he not changed his behaviors.
He's not a danger just
He's not a danger just annoying. Most of the time I forget he's here. He is in therapy and is depressed. Living with mom is not an option as she has her own problems and doesn't live in a place that has room for him. He wants to leave when he's 18 so he will probably do so and then he'll see what a priveleged life he did have and learn life's lessons. Part of what factors into everything is that he talks to his sister who doesn't live with us, she then calls her dad who gets mad at me for no treating him right. Needless to say , right before I posted this , I had a talk with his dad and told him I was done trying, it was on his son and obviously talking to his son was not working and hadn't for six years. I was just venting. Really he's only doing himself a diservice in not trying to be part of the family.