Feel like BM is a part of MY family
Because my skids come 40% of the time, they are a huge influence on my DH and my twin toddlers. It's frustrating because our efforts in correcting certain behaviors have to be re-established everytime they are with us.
I have disengaged for the most part and thankfully my DH understands this. I've posted before that his kids are obnoxious and rude - loud, whiny, disrespectful, mannerless, etc. In my DH previous marriage, his wife was basically a bully. She is overly assertive, overly protective, and cried "abuse" if he tried to assert himself where the children were related. He is the kindest, gentlest man I've every known. I've heard him talk to her on the phone and if his tone shows any sign of frustration with her (maybe slightly raising his voice or interupting her) she tells him she doesn't have to listen to his abuse and hangs up. Basically he was unable to be the co-parent to his children and actually still can't because of her overbearing personality. She bullies by acting like an abuse victim. It's really aggravating.
So the skids are brats and have no friends and I honestly don't think anyone really likes them. Even my MIL (their own grandmother) limits her time around them.
In the meantime, we are trying to raise our little ones to be kind and mannerly and have some self-control. They are doing great (for their age) but then they see SS12 and SD7 come and it completely disrupts our efforts. It's getting worse as they get older too. They see them as the big kids of course and want to mimic their behaviors. My DH spends most of the time trying to teach his children better ways to be while I keep the twins away from them as much as possible. It reaaly sucks. So in the end, it feels like BM is a part of our household because my DH and I are both pretty quiet people, but her personality is so large, it comes through her kids and onto ours. I realize all children are influenced by others but when it's a fairly frequent part of our household, it's so difficult. I'm correcting behaviors I never expected the them to encounter at such a young age.
I am so sorry. I actually
I am so sorry. I actually LEFT a situation only a week in because of this. Didn't want my son exposed to some behaviors I'd worked really hard to keep him away from.
At least he is trying to teach his kids better. I was so glad to read that. But I know how hard it must be to work so hard with a child only to have them go back to a situation where the bad behavior is tolerated and even rewarded.
No advice. Just wanted to offer a little support. ((hugs))
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your understanding! I'm so grateful for this site. I've said the same thing to DH and thank God he totally gets it. I feel completely validated in my marriage but I don't have any friends or family that can relate to what I'm going through. It seems like I could just complain about the skids constantly but I withhold most of the time.
Thanks! I will definitely
Thanks! I will definitely research this!
She even "bullies" teachers,
She even "bullies" teachers, doctors, couselors, etc. It's like everyone avoids confronting this woman. And if she is unhappy with someone, she moves on to someone else. My DH is currently working with a counselor who also works with the son. It's a mess. Some things have been kept from the BM. She's powerful too. We need to play this carefully and hopefully she'll trip up soon.
I can totally relate. In my
I can totally relate. In my case the BM is a six foot tall very large woman who bullies others by underhandedness, passive aggressive tactics, whining and protesting until she gets her way. Also by putting up the MOTY front (mother of the year) which she is ANYTHING but. All three of her children are massive underachievers and go around with the attitude that "mommy doesn't make me do ANYTHING I don't want to do" which includes school work, classwork, a healthy diet, bedtimes, brushing teeth, you get the picture.
The worse thing DH can do is rollover and allow himself to get stomped on by the system, which is BM centric to say the least. Parallel parenting is a must with the caveat that if the kids get to "decide" that they'd rather stay full time at mommykins because there are no rules, then it is going to be an uphill climb. In my case Guilty Daddy did roll over and the skids started to PAS out one by one the fourth year in.
The biggest dichotomy I witnessed is that Guilty Daddy was uber passive with the BM all this time but had NO problems bossing ME around and telling me to step off!