I've been trolling this site for quite some time, and things have gotten to the point where I thought I'd finally ask for some help.

I have an 8yo ss with my DH. We also have a 4 month old daughter together. We're both on our 2nd marriage, from which neither marriage yielded any kids. BM is an exgf from before his 1st marriage. Let's just say BM is the kind of heinous that makes me want to keep my baby away from her. I think she might be one of the most despicable people I've ever met, and that's not just because of what's happening now.

DH split with his exwife for many reasons, but the biggest is that she didn't have a relationship with his son. She was cold, and treated him like a burden. Mind you, she'd been around since he was months old, and the boy is such a loving child that it would be hard for anyone not to love him. SS was 6 when they split, and he didn't really seem to mind. He never asked for her and rarely even recounted stories involving her. He often tells me that I'm a much better stepmom...but that's besides the point.

A few months after the divorce the exwife started contacting the BM. While they'd been married the two women hated each other with a venom reserved for your enemies. She is a paralegal so at every sign of trouble she would amend the court order, and was very strict with the monies given to BM. Suddenly exwife was inviting BM out drinking, and they were getting together with my ss for regular visits. When we found out we sat down with BM, explained how we felt, and BM agreed to stop seeing her with SS, but not socially. Of course this didn't happen, and ss was bringing home gifts from the exwife all the time. We aren't the type of parents who like our son to receive gifts from people who are just trying to use him for other gains. It was clear by all the other crap the exwife had tried previously that this was another way to get to my DH.

Anyway, it took a while, but I eventually had lunch with BM and we hashed everything out. By the end she promised to cut the ex out of the picture, because she was truly only contacting her to get a rise out of DH (she admitted this) and try to use this to leverage more money in court. The ex had been trying to convince BM to allow her visitation through the courts too. It was so crazy. This woman had hated the existence of our son, but all of a sudden she wanted to use him to hold on to the memories of her marriage? I just can't see letting someone use my boy that way. But after this lunch BM agreed to stop all the shennanigans and even give us the gifts that this ex was mailing to the house.

This was a year ago. This morning DH was talking to our son and he told us that he'd been seeing the ex regularly, and they even have plans to go tubing on the 6th.... wtf?!!!

I'm at the end of my rope. I just don't know what to do anymore. Clearly talking to BM doesn't work. I feel like we aren't being afforded the chance to parent effectively. I mean, we only have weekends with him so our influence isn't the same as BM. I know DH and BM have always had their issues, but she and I are fine. I don't like her, but that doesn't get in the way of my being civil with her. Before the baby was born we tried to help her with $ whenever she asked, but we pay a lot. We try to handle things ourselves before going to the courts, and haven't had nearly as many court orders as they did with the last marriage. Now that the baby is here I haven't really spoken to her much, which didn't seem to be a problem before. She'd promised to tell me when the ex contacted her at all...and now my son has been hanging around with her...and let me tell you, I know for a fact that these are not the responsible type of women who don't talk trash about us around him. In the past he's been prepped with answers for questions we never asked, and by the end of the weekend he asked why we didn't ask him those questions. Exwife is just an immature woman, and she has no place in all of this. No one, not even ss, ever liked her. I can't stand that he's being used like this. I don't know what I did wrong to be lied to like this.

I feel like she's trying to gain leverage again because she knows we're close to having the court order amended to reduce child support bc of our new baby. If you knew how much we paid you wouldn't blame us, and I've always been cool with helping her...bc helping her really is helping our boy. We've been very good at parenting as a team, what gives?

I don't know what to do anymore...help?!