DH wants me to forget BMs appalling behaviour over the last decade!
Last night, I discovered that my DH had become BM's friend on Facebook. I was not all that happy about it - apparently she has asked him about 3 times over the last few months - he didn't tell me because he knows the mention of her is like a red rag to a bull, to me.
He seems to think that because she has not done anything heinous for the last few months - we should let the past be the past and move forward.
However, for the last 10 years, she has made our lives a misery with some major stunt at least 2/3 times per year - and I mean very major. Such as telling us she'd been in touch with social services about our care of the girls. When DH contacted them to find out what the hell was going on - they knew nothing about it - it was all a lie!
She has done many other vile things, such as accusing my DH of being a paedophile - believe me, if there were even a suggestion of any truth in it, I would have been out the door years ago, but it is just complete rubbish, and her pathetic attempt to wreck our lives. I used to be afraid to be alone with his girls when they were younger, in case she accused me of something inappropriate.
This is the woman he wants me to "stop fighting last year's battles" with. This is a figure of speech, because I actually never have a conversation with her, ever. More my attitude towards her. Because I disengaged early on, I have been left with all the resentment and rage towards her, unexpressed. I have written her countless vitriolic letters in my head - never sent them, of course.
We had a conversation about the issue last night, and I think DH understands a bit better where I am coming from, including this issue pressing historic buttons of mine about being bullied for years in school - half a lifetime ago now, but being helpless and powerless is not my strong suit. Would like to have other members views on this situation.
Some men just love the abuse
Some men just love the abuse I swear! Sounds like he anxiously awaits her constant approval.
UGH! You know you can take the "high road" right off a steep cliff.
You can try to look the other way and tell yourself that his contact with the BM is "for the sake of the kids" (TM)
But it doesn't make you feel any better. Sorry, I don't subscribe to the "one big happy family" or "unicorns, rainbows and glitter" model where you're supposed to cement a permanent smile on your face and "just be glad you have him" sort of thing.
Sounds like my DH. He tells
Sounds like my DH. He tells me that "since she hasnt done anything TO you, that you should just let it go"
but he also tells me this about my "family" I say it that way b/c I almost think my exH treated me better than them.
I think they need to get a clue
Yep; GG is one of those too.
Yep; GG is one of those too. "She never did anything to us"
Umm no, she just:
1. alienated your kids, friends, and most of your family against us
2. wrote up a phoney CPS report and had it run up the flagpole illegally using her influence as a CPS worker; took me six months to overturn (nah, it didn't affect me at ALL!)
3. stole the three skids college funds that YOU set up by breaking your back on the job
4. never report #3 on taxes and tried to stick *us* (read ME) with the taxes and penalties; which you actually wanted to roll over and pay even though at the time she was taking 3/4 of your net pay in matriarchy. . err CHILD support.
(took me a year and a half to settle this with IRS . . . nah it doesn't affect me!)
5. robs you every week of half your net pay via matriarchy. . .err I mean CHILD support leaving you impoverished far below the poverty level (nah. . it doesn't affect me when I have to financially support YOU)
6. took everything in the divorce leaving you with nothing but the shirt on your back. . .literally. . .which you agreed to such martyrdom. (nah. . . doesn't affect me here either; i always wanted to get with a man who has NOTHING but his contracting skills; which, lord knows, totally overcompensates for having nothing financially and an ex-shrew and three children who beer bong the PAS)
7. stuck you with the entire marital debt (once again martydom in action) which *we* (read ME) had to pay for
I used to laugh when GG would say "oh, I'm lucky b/c the Behemoth isn't dragging me back into court all the time"
And I would say "she has nothing to drag you back FOR; she TOOK everything the moment you signed the lopsided mediation agreement"
He'd look at me puzzled. Are you f'n KIDDING ME?
NAH, I think we should just give her the "benefit of the doubt" (TM)
I'd tell him next time he has
I'd tell him next time he has to deal with her, period, that's it. She's probably just spying to start something new. Dumbass DH! Doesn't he ever learn?
Once in a while DH makes noises about not holding a grudge against BM. I don't really, but I don't forget that she tried to screw us on the taxes (claimed son when it was DH's right), neglected his kids and watched passively as they took a rapid downhill run into legal trouble and pregnancy and school drop-out and drinking and drugs, wrecked his house that he worked so hard to fix up for them, took all his equity but wanted more (now gone in massive mortgage SHE owes), trashed DH's reputation far and wide (this to me is the worst), is a fat cow who drinks every weekend to excess (but he was the drunk, don't you know) and neglects the family and house she HAD to keep to spend time with her BF out of town. SD posted about how she couldn't even talk to her mother on MD because she wouldn't answer her phone. Nice. The kids get zero guidance or motherly attention. She's worse than a dog with a litter. Once SS ended up in the ER because BM hadn't gotten him his prescription for an infection and he ended up with pneumonia (of course his aunt took him to the hospital, BM was....out of town).
Even if our BM was a saint
Even if our BM was a saint and we all got along (Definitely not our reality)..that still wouldn't be reason to add her to our facebooks. Sounds totally ridiculous to me.
Thank you ! I think so too -
Thank you ! I think so too - this is what is good about this forum - sometimes you can start thinking - "is it me that's weird?" - but the common sense you get from other members helps get some perspective.
I really doubt she will be his FB friend long - this is the man who unfriended his mother for something she did to make him angry - so as sure as eggs is eggs I will not have to wait longer than a few months, as she ALWAYS pulls some unbelievable stunt regular as clockwork.
Why does she want to be his fb friend?
To find and invent some more hideous crap against you both? I can't understand why he's being so guilable
Is he on crack?
Is he on crack?
He is like a dog who tucks its tail and approaches an abusive owner for the daily beating. Dogs will take the beating because it is what they are used to.
He may foget the abuse, but you do not have to forget. Nor do you have to let DH's delusions go unconfronted.
smh