I am new to this site, and about a year into being a SM. I have a 5 month old Daughter, and an 8yr old SD. SD hates the new baby, hates being here, hates school, hates just about everything except TV and Doctor Evil (aka hex). Dr Evil and DH divorced when SD was 1.5yrs old. Dr Evil is a doctor in real life, and is the most conceited, materialistic woman on the planet. SD is her mini-me/extension of her. Hex gets a grand a month in CS on top of her cushy Dr salary, and my DH was the Disney dad for the longest time so Mini-Me is spoiled to the core. Cries/sulks if we go ANYWHERE without buying her something. Dr. Evil gives her 15$ a tooth as the "tooth fairy".
The parental alienation is off the charts unreal. When I first met SD she was 5 and loved DH. When she turned 6 until she turned 7 DH (then bf at the time) deployed and SD spent a year with her mom. That was the downfall of everything. Dr Evil told SD at the age of 6 she was "old enough to know 'the truth'" about their divorce, told her how mean her father is, read aloud emails DH had sent years ago calling hex a bitch, told her what strippers are, told SD anything and everything. Hex has put DH on speakerphone when they are arguing so SD can hear it, has told SD she can choose to not come here when she turns 12 and can tell the judge. SD has told me her sister isn't really her sister because she is "half-blood" like my kid is a muggle in Harry Potter, she doesn't have to like DH's family because he was adopted and "not really her blood". My SD has a negative view of men, of marriage, and of DH. She has transitioned to referring DH by his first name, and as soon as he leaves the room will say something negative. When she calls Dr Evil every night, she will "report back" as a proxy and manipulate situations to say she hates it here/DH is evil. If she refuses to eat what I cook, we say "fine, make yourself a sandwich or don't eat". She has purposely starved herself to tell Dr Evil, "I didn't eat. they told me not to eat". Mini-me knows she gets lots of attention and "Im sorry baby bear, only a couple more years" from Dr Evil if she exaggerates.
My SD parrots so many of Dr Evil's comments it terrifies me. It's like hex is trapped in 8yr old SD's body. Sd has come to me many times with her "secrets" that her mom told her, the most recent being that when she was 6 she asked Dr Evil what the middle finger meant. Dr Evil told her it means "screw you". SD inquired about screwing, and Dr Evil told her about sex. She then told SD that, "You cannot tell your dad about sex, or else he will take you away from me". SD REALLY wants to talk to DH about sex, but is terrified DH will take her away from her mom. SO now my 8yr old SD told me she has "sex secrets".

Yes, this is all fucking absurd.

There's no sexual abuse, but this is all emotional abuse IMO. I have been harping DH for the past YEAR to get SD a counselor. One Problem- in the JCP Dr Evil has COMPLETE, FULL CONTROL of medical. She has the final say, DH is NOT allowed to withhold any medical from her, and Dr Evil is the final decision maker on medical. She has withheld appointment info from him, not given him bills until after the 30 day window, not given him bills at all to pretend the appointment never existed, she told him he is not a doctor and she is the mother so she has the final say, therefore he does not have to know. SD will not come to DH if she even needs a band aid, it's "none of his business". We could not go to Dr Evil and flat out say "You are emotionally abusing your daughter, she needs counseling". She would say "no way" or coach SD which is what she tried to do when SD was 4. It didn't work.

We thought about getting court ordered, so we got a new lawyer. However SD tells me that her mom has found her a counselor because of her anger issues (SD has started hitting other kids the past two years since the alienation began, hex was in denial for the longest time) and dropping grades. I told DH he needs to email Dr Evil NOW before this becomes another "secret" and DH will not be able to talk to the counselor about SDs issues. I told DH he needs to go with the anger issues and grades approach, so Dr Evil will most likely agree. He keeps saying he will. He doesn't. He hates communicating with her. IDGAF. He made the horrible choice to marry her, she isn't dying soon or leaving the country. He has to deal with her. Her mini-me is her world-aside from her job she is obsessed with SD. I found the new lawyer, I've been documenting all of these "secrets", ALL HE HAS TO DO IS EMAIL HEX. And he stalls. And stalls. And stalls. He hates emailing Hex to discuss SD.

I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't care about a little girl who isn't my own, constantly reminds me she is not my own, has a Norman Bates like obsession with her own mother and who will be resentful if we DO get more custody of her. It's a lose-lose situation, I just can't figure out how badly I want to lose.