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Dad harder on your bio kids than his own?

time2live's picture

In my house, my DH can overlook what his kids do, but points out every possible thing mine do. I know we all do this to some degree if we're living in a blended family, but I guess I just need to know others stories and how you're coping...

Amazed's picture

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fullhouseof5's picture

Actually I am the one who is a bit more biased toward my own BD than i am towards my 2 SS. I am really working on trying to be more fair..but it is difficult! I usually try to let the kids work things out amongst themselves but I do tend to find myself siding with my BD and taking her side rather than being fair to everyone. Sad

Candispoon's picture

My situation is the same. His son has no chores and my kid's are rediculous. And they get to watch him play video games while they do theirs. And he is NEVER punished for anything "because he isnt here everyday" it sucks and we are seeing a counseler tomorrow to work on these things.

NoDrama's picture

Oh yes the same here. He pretty much overlooks anything his little angels does and goes out of his way to find every little thing my bio kids do. My son had a rough 8 months living with him and now he's moved out (he's 21 now) but my BD still has to deal with it. Fortunately she's pretty forgiving but it irks me to no end. Especially when I try so hard to be fair with his kids. My husband gets so defensive if I correct them, or heaven forbid my BD complains about something.

I think the hardest part for me is that it makes me resent his girls because of HIS behavior...not theirs. I'm sure some of you can relate... :O

Butterfly_Roses's picture

Yes definitely.... FH is much harder on my kids than his own. His son never does anything wrong.... in his eyes. He at least does see that his DD is not perfect, but still does not give her any consequences. He is very quick to point out when one of my kids do something or say something wrong. When he does, I just laugh and say talk to me in about 6 months when your DD is doing the exact same thing...lets see how you handle it then we can talk! It pretty much shuts him up. He's learned to not point things out because everything he complained about with my kids, his have done them about 6 months-1 year later! Smile

no fairytale's picture

I have only blogged a few times but each time has been about how different FH treats his kids versus mine.

So, yes I completely understand how you feel.
We just found out my dad is in ICU (was diagnosed with rare sinus tumor 2 months ago) and I went to see him and honestly do not think he will make it out.
So, you would think FH would be supportive towards me and my boys...well not so much. I got home last night from seeing my dad for the first time in ICU and he began an argument with me about how my boys were disrespectful to him last week.
I took my 14yr old son to see his grandfather tonight and not once has FH asked my son how he is doing..or even asked me if my son was ok.
However, his 24yr old daughter had a panic attack last month because she put herself in a packed elevator and I swear we all heard about it for days..

So, yes I completely understand

time2live's picture

thank you guys for responding. that really helped a lot. I laughed at some of your stories, and I feel better knowing i'm not alone. i love this site!

mommylove's picture

Yes, and I KNOW this is what is going to be the death of our marriage! My case is especially distressing because I really just don't get it. My husband is the only "dad" my 6yo BS has ever known even though my husband is in fact not his biological father because the BF has always been absent and my husband and I have been together since my 6yo BS was only 9 mos old! So, because my husband is his "dad" I have allowed my husband alot of lattitude in parenting including discipline, even when I don't agree! However, what gets me is that my husband is way too strict of a parent and disciplinarian for my 6yo BS and yet seems to be more concerned with being his then teenage son and now 11.5yo daughter's friend than parent! I mean, he freely admitted to "guilt" parenting his son to try to overcompensate for his absent mother and with his daughter to try to overcompensate for his not being there with her everyday and her half-assed mom, but honestly I don't accept this because this is still very unfair to me and my children! His children are older than mine and therefore by default more should be expected of them in my opinion, but instead since their childhood's were "handicapped" and my child's isn't (which isn't exactly true for obviously reasons in my opinion) he feels he can be harder on a 6yo than on a 17yo and and 11yo and I cannot stand it any longer! He even had the nerve once to say he was trying to correct his mistakes with his kids by parenting mine differently. What? Give me a break! His daughter is only 11.5! Does he think its too late for her already?! Actually, I think it is, because she is pretty set in the person she is and I don't think either her or her father are going to change their ways, so I guess she will grow up to be mediocre like her big brother and her mother - but not my kids!

Other the other hand, it is a rare ocassion that I even said anything to my step-children because I felt like they were older and already set in their parents' way of raising them before I came along so who was I to change that? I am always nice and cordial and would never do anything "wrong" towards them, I even provided for them in many ways that their parents did/do not, but I mostly want to just steer clear of them when they are around and leave their time with their father to be just that - their time with their father, but he wouldn't let it be that way! He wanted so much for us to be a family that it felt like he would put on this show when we were all together and expected me to play along and I hate it! If I wanted to be a mother to a 19yo and an 11yo I would've had children 19 and 11 years ago! Funny thing is, he even really did want me to step in to the "mommy" role for his kids due to their absent and half-assed mothers, but it wasn't the same for me. I wasn't getting a young moldable child that would only know and love me as mommy, I was getting kids who were already exhibiting many characteristics that I would have never considered acceptable or allowed if I was their mother, and their father had parented them that way for years, so they were a done deal in my opinion. As a matter of fact, I know my husband thinks I'm a great mother, not only to my kids because he told me so, but also because he told me before that he wishes I were his daughter's mother too! (Heck yeah he does! That would definitely be a huge upgrade from the mother she has now!) Oh well, I'm not. He and her mother can take all the credit for the person that she is and will be. I want more for my kids!