couples therapy session 1
Soooooooo couples therapy went OK.....I heard alot of things I didn't want to hear- like it's ME thats needs to do the changing bc SD15 isn't going to change and that I should talk to SD15 in a way like trying to understand the position SHE is in and let her know that I understand it's tough for her and that I'm in a tough position too and I hope one day we can be friends............. :sick:
Also, He shut down FDH's idea of me taking her out to dinner! He said that he sees that as being highly unsuccessful and said that he thinks that sd15 has no reason to try and make our relationship so she's not going to try.......and fdh needs to stop forcing us to be in uncomfortable situations by forcing us to be together and pretending we are one happy famiy, FDH agreed to let me take my time and quit bein so pushy when it comes to "family" stuff.
Also, the therapist said while FDH's loyalty will always be with his child he needs to remember that when his kids are long gone with their own families and doing their own things I will be the one standing by him and he needs to remember that- he said he does and he told SD15 that.......... :? does her really get it???
We have a long road ahead and I need to figure out a way to get rid of this anger I'm holding onto regarding SD15. I LOVE my man but not his kids.......
Good for you for starting
Good for you for starting counseling. I think if started before the house has completely burned down, there's a chance one's marriage can not only be saved but improved to better than before. Hopefully that's the outcome for you and your family!
DH and I were supposed to go to counseling but I don't even know if I really want to. My trouble is the kid in my life is not even my Husbands BioChild so a part of me resents even needing the counseling. I mean I can't go to counseling mad because I have to go to counseling--that's a bad start, lol. But seriously these are basically voluntary problems my DH has chosen to take on because of his own issues that HE needs counseling for himself. I chose them because I love him which probably means I need some counseling too. Lol
I used to think problems were an opportunity to heal a broken situation in the lives of the individuals involved; that they came together in part to have the chance to elevate their higher selves by working through the deficiencies they both carried into the relationship. On the other side of the problem would be healing and peace. But nowadays I'm more inclined to think sometimes problems are just consequences we get for ignoring our guts and our true selves. The problems come not because we needed a lesson but from the ignoring of the little voice that said "wait a minute". Walking away late vs never becomes ideal over 'working them out'. Can't work out something that never should have happened in first place so there's no healing of a trouble on the other end as much as there's a lesson to always listen to gut.
Ah but we go through it because easy we Love someone and want to work it out even if it's not best for us to do so. Again I'm learning as the old song says... "Sometimes love just ain't enough..."
Kids are the product of their
Kids are the product of their environments.. As far as im concerned their parents failed.. I know thats blunt but I really dont know how to say it and convey the way I feel..
Children should know how to say please, thank you,, no sir, yes ma'am.. Its his fault not yours that his daughter is disrespecting you,, so I think there should be another chair in there and his butt in it with an explanation why he cant control his kids......
he was there, but the
he was there, but the therapist said it's not fair that I'm in the position I'm in but if I want to be with fdh I need to learn how to cope with it.....
FDH said he's going to try harder and hopefully will have higher expectations for sd15
And I agree, him and xw have done a shitty job in raising a selfish, manipulative kid
almost ALL of us here hate
almost ALL of us here hate our man's kids. Yours is 15, 3 more years, 18. GET THE FUCK OUT! There ya go....LOL....seriously, good luck, keep coming to steptalk that will be a big help!