Apology for the long post. This is my first post. i have read a lot of other stories. but here it goes ...

dh and i have been married for 2.5 years. we went to hs together, both of us got married and had a daughter and got divorced. And here we are today. I have a BD9 and a SD7, almost 8. SD lives with us 50/50. The general way the house works looks like this ... when SD is not here, I parent BD myself. I do all chores, pickups, dropoffs, planning, events, discipline, etc. DH isnt lazy, hes good, I just tend to do all that. There are times when he is plenty helpful. Our home is peaceful MOST of the time when it is just us 3. 

When SD7 comes, everything changes. That is where things get very complicated . i usually do the same for SD that I do for BD. 100%, same. I dont tend to complain, as I honestly do not mind. I enjoy taking care of the kids even though it can e stressful. This simple routine works well for me most of the time. 

BD9 can have an attitude. She can be loud disrespectful, and hateful. She has acted that way toward every person in the house at times. Its not crazy overboard. Its very normal preteen kinda stuff ... and it always boilds down to her not having good control of her emotions. She has an emotional outburst, she mostly will appologize for on her own. This is pretty much her only behavior issue i have EVER had out of her. SHe is very smart, does exremely well in school, has tons of friends, never gets in trouble anywhere except home (mostly when SD7 is here).

SD7 has sttitude but expresses it differently. She rarely gets hateful with her words. She ignores, will put her hand up at you in the "talk to the hand" motion. she will finger comb her hair in front of her face to build a wall between her and whomever she is having a problem with. She has done downright nasty things to DH, BM, and BD9. She will find a sore spot and she will pick at it. She has openly admitted to doing things to BD9 for the sole purpose of hurting her feelings. She has hurt animals, she killed a baby chicken (BP both can not agree if it was an accident or on purpose and they both change thier story on that one, it was when she was like 3 or 4). She told me she held her hand over her kitties mouth so it couldnt breathe. She picks at BD9. ALL THE TIME. She doesnot follow basic rules in the house, like no yelling across the house, bed time, bathtime, clean your room, no yelling in the house, and BD finds all of those behaviors incredible annoying, as do I. She cheats at games, she tells on BD9 for xyz, all while doing xyz herself. Usually in those situations its SD does xyz. BD asks multiple times for her to stop. she continues. so BD does it back to her or gets mad and yells at her to stop. SD comes crying, she yelled, shes being mean. DH wants BD to be dealt with. She is EXTREMLY manipulative. She has went to school and told horrible lies about her BD and her BM. They beat me, they screamed, BM pushed me down, etc. She has lied and said I have done things, or has just said that I am lying about what she did to the point that on multiple occasions DH has considered divorce.

DH ... he definitly wants BD9's attitude dealt with. "why is she allowed to be so mean to everyone" And if i hear one more time how that little princess of his has doen absolutly NOTHING wrong I swear my head might spin off and fire might come blasting out of the hole it left.  

BD9 was VERY close to her grandpa. VERY close. Grandap built a church. Grandpa died. BD misses him DEARLY. A construction company made a mistake next door and it caused this church to fall down. BD9 was VERY upset. This was HER church, that grandpa built. She was devistated. One day I am in car with SD7 and we drive by church. SD7 is perfectly aware of the fact that BD was VERY close to her grandpa. I was gawking at the church ... SD asks me what I am looking at, isnt that BD church? I say yes, and tell her the company made a mistake and now the church is falling down. She say oh no, that sucks. Yes. I tell her to please not talk to BD about it as grandpa built it and shes upset about it. SD is lik .. oh yeah, definitly, she was super close to her grandpa ... she must be SUPER upset. .... yes ... please dont bring it up. no problem ... less that 3 hours later, all 4 of us are in car. I hear SD tell BD ... we drove by your chuch today. that really sucks. BD"yes it does, its falling down, I really dont want to talk about it" SD"well, whoever built that church must have done a terrible job if its falling down"

I was LIVID!!!!! This is ONE example of how the sweet little princess didnt do ANYTHING. 

DH ... sometimes thinks im just outright lying about SD. Sometimes he blames "its the way you think about her" sometimes he acknowledges there is a problem, but blames it on BM. SOmetimes he says its just normal kid stuff. Sometimes its ALL BD fault ... cuz shes mean. Please understand that SD is the ONLY person, school, church, friends, cousins, that has EVER occused BD of being mean. 

I absolutly adore my husband. I do not adore the way he parents. I do not adore that he seems to be incapable of recognizing that she is the mean one ... and this really is constant .. she is CONSTANTLY she will be asked to stop doing something 500 times by anyone, and wont stop. or stops for a sec and then starts back up. She will sit outside BD bedroom and knock ... and knock, and knoc, and knock, until BD gets mad and yells to go away or comes and gets me .. in which case i get told .. whats the problem, why cant she just play with her? she just wants someone to play with? because BD is not A PLAY TOY. Shes a PERSON. and she doesnt WANT to play and shouldnt HAVE to just cuz SD wants it ... 

DH has lied for her numerous times, and recently lied to make BD look worse, and SD look innocent. I am at my breaking point. I dont know what to do. 

I need a lot of help.