Can't think of a better solution
...So I decided its best to just stop staying at BF's house when the kids are there. They feel "abandoned" by him (even though we do things with them, eat dinner as a "family" and are never out of yelling distance) and he feels that they need more love, attention and need him to listen to them more. Nevermind the fact that they have no discipline, can cuss him out, scream as much as they want to, make a mess, lie, etc with no repercussions. Apparantly implementing consequences and structure is now a sign that one doesnt love one's children.
So much for working towards being a "family". Those kids wont be happy until he's permanently single and available exclusively for their whims. If his only answer is to coddle them even more, then I have to say that I dont see much of a future for us. Am I crazy???
We've been together for
We've been together for almost a year, his kids are 7 and 14 and he and their mom have been divorced for 3 years. He has the kids 2 weeks out of the month....I guess we're just going to be in a part-time relationship for the forseeable future.
This is definitely a red
This is definitely a red flag. Have you brought up your concerns? It isn't fair to you to be in a part time relationship. If you are having doubts, think long and hard about what you want out of the relationship. If thats what its like now, thats probably how it will be in the future.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I am in the same situation.
I am in the same situation. Been dating my BF for 4 months and I have started to not stay at his house either much when the kids are there, which is all the time, except for the summer and holidays. It's hard for us to really get any quality time together when I go over to his house bc the kids crawl all over him and want his constant attention. I do feel like this is a part time relationship and it's very lonely. M-f I barly hear from him bc he's doing the daddy thing 24 7 but when weekends come its great. Does he want you to help with the discipline, etc.. I feel like I have to hold my tongue when it comes to teaching them manners, etc.. bc they are not my kids. But if we became a family and we all lived together I am going to have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I am really thinking this is not the best relationship for me and may need to get out. I too am single with no kids!
4 months is early to
4 months is early to integrate, imo. i waited for 8 months. kids do not adjust as fast as adults. and at 4 months your relationship is new...not serious. i would back off for awhile.
Yeah actually we've been
Yeah actually we've been together for almost 10 months and have known each other almost 4 years. I love him like crazy but do plan on backing off.