BS doesn't want to be in the home when SS is home
It hurts my heart my 16 BS doesn't want to be here when SS is home. My BS came home with his buddy yesterday, which is pretty normal and asked if he could go to young Marines which is basically like JRROTC but a bit more Military based. I asked my son "why? you don't even want to go into the military when you get out of school" my BS replied " cause I don't want to be here when he (SS) gets home, all he does is lie, is mean, disrespectful and I just don't want to be around him." I told him that if it was ok with Dad then I don't have a problem with it, I was concerned cause it's not on a good side of town, but, I also know that I have to trust that he will be ok he's 16 and very responsible time for him to do "his thing". So he went, I made dinner for SS and Dad and hid until my BS got home. Yesterday I went into SS room and removed the pellet gun and the 22 that I had been asking him not to put against the woodwork beings it leaves gouges in it. Took the Kindle, put it up and the Wii that he threw in the office cause he couldn't get it to work. Now I could have gotten it to work on his TV but #1 his behavior lately doesn't warrant him to have that privilege, #2 he never asks me anything he will look right at his Dad completely ignore me and talk to him even though we are sitting right there together in the recliner. I really am at a loss as to what to do with SS. He goes behind our backs and does whatever he wants Dad does nothing but when I step in and give consequences and call him out on issues Dad looks at me like I'm crazy. And I'm supposed to be Happy, Joyous and free????
I don't know which way to turn anymore
Well... Honestly after
Well...
Honestly after reading your bio, if dad isn't going to make the kid behave and isn't going to back you up.
Maybe its time for sibling justice. Aka the ss gets annoying enough and the 16yo pounds him into shape. When dad 'demands' justice for his little buddy: give your son the same 'penalties' that dear old dad have given ss for bad behavior.
Wait..to me it sounds like
Wait..to me it sounds like you are picking your SS over your own son.
This is one of the reasons I would not marry/live with my DH for MANY years. My SS was a terrible kid and I did not want my kid expose to it in HIS home.
Can you move out or DH and SS move out until you are finished raising your son?
My kids used to avoid ss like
My kids used to avoid ss like the plague when he came over and visited. They'd go to friends house, visit their grandparents, or at the very least hole up in their rooms. If I went anywhere they went with me. When ss was only here eow-and actually not a whole weekend-10p on Friday to 10a on Sunday-it was doable. But when he lived with us for 4 months last year it was a disaster. Essentially it got to the point in which everyone-I do mean everyone in the home was hiding in their rooms or other areas in order to avoid ss who was lounging on the sofa with the remote stuck down his pants.
My ss15 was finally asked to leave our home. That was June 2012. He was asked to leave for MANY reasons, but the reality was that no one was comfortable living with him. He was a nightmare and it was causing way too much distress for everyone (even my dh) for him to be there so I took a stand and said he had to go. He has not been back since.
My BS and I are very close we
My BS and I are very close we have the kind of "mother son" relationship that everyone thinks doesn't exist, he's very honest, responsible, respectful and all around pretty good kid. I'm not saying he is flawless at all he screws up but is quick to learn his lesson and get on with life. I absolutely do not and will not pamper him, he's a big boy he can do anything he sets his mind to, I feel like I have prepared him to be on his own well. When DH and I first started dating 3 years ago, yes I did pamper SS in hopes of forming a bond that his BM never formed with him in order to show him that not all moms are liars, selfish, lazy, and mean but during that time I also was teaching him to do things for himself ie: picking out his own clothes, dressing himself, making his own lunches, breakfast cleaning his room ect and he took to it very well. Then it as like someone flipped a switch when we moved into our new home he became the worst spoiled brat I have ever had the misfortune to meet. My BS and SS used to do things together all the time, fish, hunt, play games, cook. DH and SS came home from the store yesterday DH bought SS another tube of tooth paste.(Seems trivial but work with me here) SS asked me last week to buy him another one, I told him nope, "you 2 boys share a bathroom you can share toothpaste as well". So when I see this I immediately call him on it and DH was pissed at SS, tells me "I didn't know" I told him " I realize this and SS wasn't going to be honest with you, you got played, do you see the problem now?" DH " says ya I get it" so DH proceeds to tear into SS about lying to him which is what the boy needs. Strangely enough SS was an angel this morning put clean dishes away beings he had time before school. Absolutely not looking a gift horse in the mouth right now!
Ok really I'm not trying to
Ok really I'm not trying to sound mean but wtf?!?! Really you make them share toothpaste? That's just gross. You and your dh may want to swap spit and share but making ss and bs who are not related in any form share a toothpaste is gross. They should defiantly have their own.
ToothPASTE, not toothBRUSH,
ToothPASTE, not toothBRUSH, you get the difference right?? I don't think it's it a problem to have one tube of toothpaste per bathroom rather than one tube per person, there's no "spit swapping" going on.
Um ya thinking that was read
Um ya thinking that was read a bit quick but really no offense taken anyhow, I realize everyone is entitled to their own opinion it's all good. It's been an interesting weekend not bad a bit aggravating at times but that's what happens even in families that are not blended. So now both BS and SS are on restriction until BS grades improve and SS attitude and behavior improves. There's just such a huge difference in children and I understand we are all individuals but wow! BS has accepted the fact that he is on restriction due to grades and immediately started to do everything he can to improve them, cell phone was taken up, no football games and no computer leaves plenty of time to work on his grades, he was more then happy to help pick rocks in the pasture and make a fire pit and help me clean the garage today. SS whined moaned complained he had to pick rocks " I'm too little, they're too heavy" " I didn't make that mess in the garage I'm not cleaning it". Needless to say he had a pretty big pile of his things that were in the garage that got thrown in the yard that he ended up having to pick up anyhow. DH has done really well at stepping up and confronting SS with his behavior I'm really proud of him and me.... I did damn good at just keeping my mouth shut and letting him take care of it. Hope everyone else had a good weekend.