Hi! I’m new here and this is my first post so I’m sorry for its length. I’m SO glad I happened to find this site. I have been so stressed out with my situation and its comforting to know there are people out there that feel like I do!
A little background: My DH and I have known each other and been friends for 16 years. My XH and I were married almost 10 years, divorced almost 2, his XW and him were married 5 years, divorced for over 3. They divorced because she was cheating, ended up getting pregnant, and is still living with her youngest child’s father. DH and I have been married for 5 months now and together 9. It was a very short engagement, but it was one of those, this is the right thing feelings, even though I thought I would NEVER get married again. I have 2 DD and he has 2 DD. When he and I first started dating, the XW and I were fine with each other to a point. I’ve always thought she was a selfish biddy, and so does he. We were “friends” on FB, talked on there, texted about the kids, etc, but she always was texting him about this and that, stuff that had nothing to do with the kids. Before me he would still go to her house and babysit the kids even when it was her time, have dinner ready, crap like they were still married. He even kept the youngest child thats NOT his when he kept his kids so she could have her "nights out". It was just weird. At any rate, everything was fine bw us until he told her we were getting married. She then became a raging bitch where I was concerned. She defriended me, him, his mom, everyone in his family, etc., and told him she didn’t agree w/us getting married, she didn’t support it, it wasn’t right, he needed to think about HER feelings. Really?? IMHO she was pissed bc he wasn’t gonna jump when she said how high anymore. He couldn’t be on her back burner and remain the backup plan if needed. On our wedding day she told his kids that he didn’t care about them and her anymore, that his life was all about me now. Things have progressively gotten worse. They don’t have a custody order, they just agree on when he gets the kids, so when she is pissy she withholds them. I can’t even count the number of arguments I’ve had with him over her still controlling his life and about how she does. He always says he agrees with me, that he understands how I feel, and etc. I have no doubt that he loves me, that he wants to be with me, and I know he would never cheat on me. But she is still doing the whole, hey this is what I’m doing, what I’m watching on TV, this is what we are having for dinner, and still calling him always when I’m at work, even on days he doesn’t have the kids. She has caused nothing but stress since we’ve been together. My first instinct is to always be pissed at him and we end up having these HUGE fights over it, we finally settle down and talk, he says he understands, but then we are fighting about it again in another month. Even if he tells me he’s setting boundaries w/her about only texting/calling about the kids, how do I know they aren’t really talking when I’m not around? Its driving me insane.
Then there is the issue of his mother. She has been nothing but nice to me, telling me how she’s SO glad he isn’t under XW thumb anymore, she’s so glad he’s found someone he really loves and that loves him, etc. Then about 2 months ago, she becomes best friends w/the XW again even though she’s trash talked her the whole time prior about how wrong she did him! She even has the XW listed as her “daughter” on FB. It’s like a slap in the face! He has hardly talked to his mother at all since she’s started being up the XW’s butt all of a sudden. She even had the XW at Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t go and DH went to visit before XW arrived. I’m sure she’ll be invited to Christmas as well. I hate do disrespect his family at not being at functions such as that, but I just can’t be around his XW after everything she’s done to him, still doing, and after she disrespected my marriage.
Thoughts, advice, anything is appreciated! Sorry this became a book!