BM staying at my house tonight...on my invitation.
This is strange so i'll condence my story as best I can.
DH left for Vegas with his BIL and Father last Thursday for a "boy's weekend and to cheer up dear old Dad". WE have 50/50 custoday and SD9 and she was with BM. On Thurs after school, SD9 went home to BM not feeling well. BM doesn't have a lot of confidence and started phoning people for help. She called me, but I wasn't near my cell, and as her cell phone was dying, she didn't leave a message. She called my DH's sister (who's a nurse) who gave her some advice. BM and her neighbour ended up taking SD9 to hospital. SD9 had her appendix removed Friday morning. Having no idea what had happened Thurs night, I called BM to ask if everything was okay.....SD9 was in surgery at the time. I try to contact DH in Vegas. Finally contact him, he's PANICKING...thinks he needs to get on the next flight home (remember..he's the hero and no one can care or loves SD9 like he does) he can only get on his regular flight which is Sun afternoon.
Anyway, went to the hospital to bring them some things yesterday. BM says, if SD9 gets discharged Sat (today) that they will stay with her BM's mother rather than at BM's house (as she lives with BF and his 3 kids). I tell her that if SD9 prefers, they can stay at our house. SD9 can be in her own bed and BM can stay as well. And they have decided to. Also something to note that when i was in the hospital, i told her she was a good mother and that i was proud of her. She said thanks and reminded me that I'm a good mother too (i have no children, other than SD9).
I guess the purpose of my post is that, I guess i've progressed in my attitute toward this whole situation. I'm only just very slightly threatened by BM and my "what if DH changes his mind and wants to get back together with the mother of his child" thoughts. Someday, those too shall pass. Does it irritate me that BM doesn't work and DH pays her whopping child support and alimony...hell yeah. But maybe because I make my own good wage and none of our accounts are joint...maybe it doesn't bother me as much as it could. Wait...the alimonly still bugs the heck out of me (5 more months to go though yay)
I'm not friends with BM and have no desire to be. Although there are some things she does as a Mother that I agree with, and some I disagree with...which is exactly how I feel about DH's parenting skills.
Maybe this is a post about 4 people (me and my DH and BM and her BF) actually working together and getting along for the sake of SD9.
Anyway, the whole situation is a bit weird, BM staying overnight at the house tonight.
its the evolution of divorce
its the evolution of divorce as we speak. I think its awesome what you're doing.
Good for you! You are a
Good for you! You are a great person for putting SD's needs first! And BM is as well for agreeing to stay at the house... since SD is more comfortable there. Bravo for all of you!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Good for you!! I think you
Good for you!! I think you are amazing to put SD first. You should be very proud of yourself.
You are a better woman than
You are a better woman than I am. Good for you.
So....how did it go???
So....how did it go???
It was certainly surreal.
It was certainly surreal. Picked them up at the hospital on Saturday afternoon brought them home. BM wanted to go out for dinner, so it was just SD9 and I until about 9:00 p.m. BM returned, put SD9 to bed, then we talked until 1:00 a.m.
Our discussion that night was like “open forum”. We didn’t talk too much about BM and DH’s marriage, we mostly talked about our current struggles, me being SM and her struggles being BM and communication issues with my DH. (SD9 is much, much closer with DH than BM). BM is also a stepmother to 3 other children, so we talked about that too.
The best thing I got out of that night was that she valued me as SD9’s stepmother. I had admitted to her my miscarriages this year and the fact that I’ll never have children of my own, and she was kind to remind me that I did have SD9 and that she loves me. She reminded me that SD9 has a closeness and trust to only DH, herself and me (she didn’t include her BF in that). I asked her, if something happened to DH, would she allow me to still be a part of SD9’s life, and she assured me that she would. She also said that she sees that DH loves me very much.
I don’t think BM and I will ever be “friends”. I still think I would parent differently than her, then again, I would parent differently than DH as well. I have, in some respects, respect and empathy for her.
I think the reason that last Saturday night was able to happen, is because I respect her role in SD9’s life. I respect that she is the mother. I encourage their mother-daughter relationship. And at times I will remind my DH that BM is doing a good job and the proof is in SD9. As well, BM respects me and my role in SD9’s life. Last Mother’s Day, she encouraged SD9 to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. I also think it works well because there are no leftover feelings between BM and DH. Both have moved on to new relationships. DH with me and BM with her BF of 3 years, whom she says she’s very much in love with.
I know this all sounds rather “Disney Movie”, but I think we’re lucky, and I suspect we are not the norm.
yes you are very lucky!
yes you are very lucky! Most BM bring drama, and it seems she is a good person and so are you (especially for having her). I also agree that it should not be a friendship, but respect for one another, and that is something you both seem to have. Congrats! I wish I had a normal BM, but instead am stuck with a ghetto monster. You are very lucky!
Great, I think that is very
Great, I think that is very admirable of you. Im sure that SD and BM appreciated it.
Please let us know how it went