Okay let me start by saying I am new to the forums.

Here is our situation. I have known my husband since we were in college. We were only friends the first 1 1/2 we knew one another though. My husband went to a military university and he was a virgin so some girl at my school hooked him up with a friend of hers. He got drunk at a party and lost his virginity to this nasty chick. She came to him 2 months later and said she was pregnant. Obviously after the baby was born he did a paternity test and he is indeed the father.

My husbands family is VERY old fashioned southern so while they supported their son they didn't want ANY family at all to know about it. It was kept total quiet. My DH met the baby once or twice and then became an officer in the army. we started dating after the baby was born and I of course was aware of all that was going on. My husband was ashamed. didn't want any part of the baby other than paying child support, etc. he was also very young and naive.

Fast forward a few years and he and I are married and have a baby girl of our own (she is 3 years old). We found out the mother of his other daughter had gotten married and had two kids with the new husband. Basically that guy ended up being very violent after an iraq deployment and she had to leave him. So now she has 3 kids. My husband decided he needed/wanted to be a part of this childs life and i FULLY supported that idea. In fact i had pushed him for years to do that and he didn't do anything. He has done 3 tours to iraq, been shot at, and had a baby girl with me and i think all those things factored in to wanting to be a part of his other daughters life. So we visited them and it was great! this was 2 years ago. Now we are stationed an hour from her and her mother and we finally in all these years have partial custody (every weekend). This step daughter is 8 years old now.

Now we are in the present. I have barely known this child a day in her life and suddenly she is here every weekend. Here is the real kicker: up until TWO days ago, nobody in his family knew about her still. Only his parents and his brother. It makes me SICK that his mother kept this from the family to protect her good image and her sons innocence. I believe that no child should be kept a secret...it will only backfire!

So that is the background. She is now a big part of our family and she will also be going to thanksgiving with the entire family. She and my 3 year old get along great (my 3 year old follows her around everywhere).

I feel like a bad person though and i am under tons of stress. I have never even been a part of this kids life and suddenly i am the step mother taking care of her on weekends and disciplining her. It is taking a huge strain on my marriage. Is it wrong of me to sometimes feel like i wish she wasnt' around? I DO CARE ABOUT HER, i just really miss the way things used to be without her and i know my husband feels the same way. I guess it will just take time (only been 4 months). And on top of all this, her mother is VERY different from me. She goes out clubbing, works at a bar late at night (her parents watch the 3 kids), and she kind of treats my Step daughter like a friend instead of a child and daughter. And she is also very mouthy and her 8 year old is very rude and sassy because of it. Just last week my step daughter said this at dinner: "I want seconds, but you can't have any because you are kind of fat and my mom Isn't, she is way prettier." let me just verify that her mother is indeed very tall and skinny but she is missing 3 teeth and is not in any way good looking. My husband can hardly stand to talk to her when he picks up his daughter. I do need to lose a few pounds but that was just absolutely rude and uncalled for. I don't know what to do about her back talking.

how is that for an introduction??? LOL