For the past 4 months or so, I have been seeing a very nice man. Both of us have young children and are divorced. He was divorced a few years ago when his kids were 3 and 5. They are now 6 & 9. I am currently in the process of getting divorced and my daughter is 4.
Everything is going pretty well and we all get along great. Lately though, my boyfriend's youngest son, the 6 year old is having a tough time. I'll call him E. E was 2-3 years old when his parents split. His mom was somewhat distant, not extremely nurturing. She sees the kids every other weekend. His dad tells me that he never thought E had a hard time with the divorce, until I came around-it seems as if there aresome abandonment issues that haven't surfaced until now. E has always been a happy kid. He took to me very quickly, showering me with I love you's and always asking for hugs and kisses. What initially seemed sweet and harmless though has begun to make my boyfriend and I a little concerned for E. He is constantly asking me if I love him and for physical reassurance of my affection. It seems sometimes that these gestures are less an organic expression of love and more-so a need for E to feel okay. He has seen his dad date from time to time and is always asking if I will stop coming over. (if we break up) When Dad drops him off for school every day, he tells his dad he loves him and that he loves me too. When I'm at the house, if I walk into another room, he is usually on my trail. The other tough thing is that when my daughter is around, he seems to have a very tough time seeing me be affectionate with her. If I praise another child in front of E, he always asks if I feel the same about him. He cries almost every time I see him, saying that I'm being mean (usually when he feels I haven't given him enough attention)
I have a very tender spot in my heart for this little boy and I feel so lucky that he cares for me, but I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I want E to feel okay, regardless of what I'm doing. I want to have opportunities to show my love for him without being prompted. I feel tough love might be too abrasive for such a sensitive kid, but I feel that indulging in his neediness isn't helping him either. Maybe this is normal and it will all blow over, but I feel like ignoring the situation might not be the best solution.
Overall, things are great-but I just want to handle this the best way possible from the start. Thanks for taking the time to address my concerns!
-Sarah