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Baffled

StepParent444's picture

Submitted by StepParent444 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 1:54pm

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Blended Family Issues

I'm the bio mom and my x husband re-married. The step mom demanded my son call her mom. This conversation came up before they were married. My X never sat with me or let me talk to her or introduced me until after. We never set any ground rules. It has been a struggle from the start. I come over to pick my son up and he is calling her mom! My son son was 7 he is now 8. First time we all went to parent teacher conference she takes over the conference my x says nothing he just smiled. She does this all the time. She wants to take over my son completely! X husband says nothing! What do I do? Don't want to have a confrontation in front of my son or her (daughter from her first marriage). I'm trying really hard to maintain an appropriate behavior mainly for my son's sake.

Sincerely,

Baffled

WifeVersion2.0's picture

Submitted by WifeVersion2.0 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 3:19pm

Are you sure that the SM demanded this of your son? I only ask because my SS12 started calling me mom right after DH and I married. It was totally unexpected but it's what he's comfortable with. My SD13 calls me by my first name.

If SM is doing homework with the kiddo on a regular basis then I don't see the harm in her attending the conferences but I would mention to her or your ex that while you appreciate her concern for kiddo and know that she means well, you'd like for the discussion to be between the parents and teacher.

stepmom31's picture

Submitted by stepmom31 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:12pm

I'm sure she doesn't want to take over your son completely.

Tell you Ex you're not comfortable with your son calling her "mum", let your Ex speak to her. Let them have a chat with your son about what he prefers, what you prefer, and in the end - what works best for everyone's feelings.

Before we got married, my SD (very voluntarily) asked DH if she can call me "mum", DH almost cried. My stepkids really accepted me.
But BM was taken aback, and insisted that I wasn't their mother, so they never did get to call me "mum".

They will do it from time to time though, purely by mistake.... say "Yes mum" when I tell them to do something, or call "Mommmmmmmmy! when they want me to solve some argument between them...

I call my mum and my MIL, "mum". I call my 5 best friends' mothers "mum". I can see how a kid will be comfortable with it, but a territorial mother won't be.

So you do need to talk to your ex, express your feelings, and find a name that everyone is ok with.