Am I wrong? Step sibling and biological child socialization
My daughter is 11 and lives with us full-time. My husbands daughter is 12 and visits from out of state throughout the year. My stepdaughter is here visiting us for a couple of weeks. My daughter has been invited to a few playdates with her friends to connect over the summer before school starts. The parents inviting know that my stepdaughter is visiting but did not invite. My daughter wants her own time with her friends without her step sister with her. I told my husband that my daughter wants to go visit her friends before school starts and that we should make plans for his daughter to do something else. He's very upset with me saying that I'm leaving her out and that she needs to be included in everything. He said that I should ask the parents to invite her and if they can't include her then I need to tell my daughter not to go. He said he would do this if the tables were turned.
If I do something that drastic, my daughter will resent her and then problems with their good relationship will arise. My argument is that my daughter needs to see her friends a couple of times and that most of the time is spent with his daughter. I'm not being malicious in not including her, but he's taking it to the extreme. I cannot impose another child onto someone else. I feel its rude to ask someone if she can come along. I also respect my daughter's feelings and wishes to include her. I told my husband that his daughter has this back with her mother so its not something hurtful. I told him that's reality of divorce and blended families. They have different lives.
At any rate, I cannot wait till she leaves because she's here up until my daughter starts middle school. My daughter hasnt seen her friends at all this summer since she was with her father back in another state and with me visiting back home for the majority of the summer. So that is not an option. I also argued that it may hurt her to go since the girls know each other and she may feel left out. He seems to disagree.
Is this a weird concern or ask? Am I being to overly protective or do my reasons have substance? Would love feedback from others going through this!
Thanks
I would bring the Sd to your
I would bring the Sd to your BD's friend's functions, and in that way, back the Sd up by being there, and making sure the other kids included her. She is in a whole new environment, one that is not familiar to her. As a stepkid myself, as well as a step and bio mom, with all the children residing with my husband and I, I understand how awkward it is being the "new kid" even if she visits you all regularly, it is still hard to feel like you fit in. Leaving her out of the event would crush her. She knows that the other kids won't know her. Before making any plans, ask the other parents if she may come. Then ask the SD if she would like to come. She may not want to go. If she wants to go, attend so that you can make sure she feels included. These little things that a stepmom can do make all the difference in the future! Had my multiple stepmoms ever tried to include me, I would have been much more grounded as a child/teenager. It's not a big deal for you, but will make such a difference for her, and she will remember your being there for her!
Before my SS6came to live with us, I always made sure that he was treated exactly the same as my daughters. It's so important for the SKs to know that they are loved, welcome, and included. Not a big deal for you to include her in the events your daughter attends, but such, such such a big deal for her! She will love you for your effort.
I don't know what idealistic
I don't know what idealistic world you live in, but in my world, if this happened, the BD would be excluded the next time there was an event, because she has to bring her stepmom with her. It's the ugly middle school truth.
Exactly!!!
Exactly!!!
Your DH is acting like an
Your DH is acting like an immature, ridiculous twit. It is not your daughters, nor your job to ensure his child is entertained. She has, I'm sure, her own set of friends and would probably freak out if you insisted that your daughter attend her friends parties/events.
I would rip my SO a new asshole if he dared suggest this to me. He can spend time with and entertain his own child. Good bloody grief..the man is ridiculous!