2 months in.. with 2 toddlers
My partner and I moved in together about two months ago. She has a two year son and so do I. They are two months apart. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but we aren't making any progress. My son is calm and laid back. Her son is wild and always needing everyone's attention. My son could care less and just want his space. SS is always in his face and follows him into every single room. I know they are only two and still learning but DS is delayed and SS is pretty advanced for his age. Lately, he waits for his mom to go in another room and then go straight over to DS to slap a toy out of his hand or straight up take the toy from him and run off. I'm not at the point of feeling comfortable correcting her son. I will say something nicely like please let him have the toy back that he was playing with and she will over hear that and come and get onto him and then proceed to do whatever it was she was doing. She lets her son play with coins and I mentioned something and she said no that he was fine and she was watching him. I turn around 10 minutes later and she is doing something on the computer and he is tossing the penny into their toy bin. I told her I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't allow him to do that because my son will find it and put it in his mouth. She lets SS stand on the stool, next to the burners and watch her cook. It terrifies me because he is only two and may forget about it being hot and then something happen. I feel like I'm overreacting sometimes but I'm exhausted having to follow them around the whole time making sure he isn't bullying up on my son. I know that it's hard to be a "bully" at two years old but I feel like he is sometimes. He will get in trouble and even go to time out but it doesn't phase him and he is constantly annoying my son. Love isn't enough to sacrifice the happiness of our children so I hope to hear any advice you have. Also would like to add that my son and I have lived here for a year, before my partner and her son came to live with us. So it's a major adjustment for us all and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle it.
Personally. I learnt this
Personally. I learnt this from my partner. Don't be afraid to tell someone else's child off. They are very young, so I get that but lets say they were a bit older, say 6 or 7. If you had a playdate with another parents child, would you let them just do whatever they want. If your SS is doing something wrong then tell him it's wrong. If you're parnter has a problem with that, then she needs to be around all the time to supervise her own f'ing child.
It is going to take a lot of re-adjustment, they are very young but don't put up with any $hit and tell your partner that if you feel her child is doing something wrong then I am going to tell them. She needs to be around sorting her own child out if she can't handle it.
As always, and the mistake I made. Set out your expectations of what you want and how it's going to go. You can't be expected to supervise her child and not have any authority.
Wow. Two months and you're
Wow. Two months and you're already not sure how much longer you can handle it. Honestly, I would advise you to move out. I parent more like you do and am stickler for safety. I couldn't handle living with someone who allowed her toddler to play with coins only to have him toss them where my own son could get them and I wouldn't want my toddler being exposed to the type of parenting that allows a toddler to stand on a stool near a stove with live burners.
I'm a veteran SM who has been in the game for 25 years and if you think the different parenting styles is apparent now, wait until the kids are older. It doesn't end. It doesn't get better. It gets much worse. Hopefully, you'll have required your partner to move out before you and your little guy witness an accident due to negligent parenting.
My SS is 29 and he and SDIL are talking about having babies. If my SS came to me and described being in the situation that you're in, I'd really encourage him to send his partner packing. It's not working and it's causing you stress. I'm sure you don't want your little dude feeling his dad's stress. Have this lady move out. You can always date her while living apart if you don't want to break up.
She moved from out of town.
She moved from out of town. We are both biological mothers to our sons. I'm considering telling her to go back because it shocked me and I don't approve of any of that. She said it wouldn't happen again when I confronted her but I don't know, it took me telling her about how unsafe it was. I'm just thinking I don't want to be around for what's next. I share 50/50 custody with my ex and she has full custody so he is there the whole time. I don't want my child to start feeling uncomfortable about coming back home because then he is around a constant annoyance. I feel bad for even saying that but shit it annoys me just watching him annoy my baby. I'm a new mom and I'm not used to this, and so is she so it's hard to have these feelings. I feel like I'm right and should have her move out immediately but then she moved here and has nowhere to go back to. Her family doesn't have room for her back home. But for the sake of my kid's happiness? I don't think so either. It's been bothering me and I needed some advice.
You're lucky that you can ask
You're lucky that you can ask her to leave and as terrible as it sounds you hold all the cards but you don't want to be that person.
If you need her to leave give her 1,2 or even 3 months. Basically have a chat and see how it goes but if it's not working for you, you have to look after yourself and your child.
Thank you for all your kind
Thank you for all your kind words. We have a really great relationship and have,for awhile, but had been long distance. I didn't know exactly what I was getting myself into, and now that I do, I don't feel good about it. Everyday, I'm just thinking about what else I'm going to come home to. She hasn't gotten a job yet and I work full time and my son goes to my mother's during the day. It's exhausting having to come home to this everyday.
You know what you need to do.
You know what you need to do. You may be attracted to certain aspects of your gf's personality, but her crappy parenting means there's no future with her. And let's not even get into her lack of career, poor life choices, or the way she's living off of you.
Your son's needs are paramount here. It's your duty to provide him with a safe, supportive stable home where he can thrive. So, do that.
It’s only two months
This is the best it's going to get. The Honeymoon time of the relationship. Time to make plans to leave. She an adult she has to take care of herself and child. Not your problem
We dated a year, before
We dated a year, before moving in together. I did not ever see her parenting like this, until now. I have definitely not left him with her, unsupervised. We are just two months in and I'm noticing these red flags. If left me surprised because she left a job, as a CNA working in the mother/baby unit. I thought common sense was somewhat there. Idk but I cringe every time I see her son coming towards mine. Then she excuses his behavior. Last week, was when I had enough. My son was sitting on the couch with me and hers comes climbing up and bouncing around to where he could fall on top of us. I told him to please sit down or stay off the couch. She proceeds to come over and sit him down herself, telling him that he needs to sit down because he's "pissing" my son off. First of all, I'm teaching that we don't play on the furniture. Not because you're pissing someone off. Hell, don't even talk like that around mine. It's not his fault your son runs around like a wild animal.
We've all made mistakes, and
We've all made mistakes, and we've all dated some duds, so don't dwell on it.
Around this site, it's generally accepted that one should date for at least two years before considering living together. It takes at least that long to vet someone thoroughly, and for the shiny, best behavior to wear off.
Just make the necessary corrections, learn the lessons being presented and move forward.