Why can't we teach the kids self sufficiency?
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There was a time in America where kids were put to work. They worked the farms, cooked and cleaned. Why is it that we can't do that today?
Why can't we tell them that before they go out to have fun they have to clean up after themselves? Why can't they make their own sandwiches? And wash their own dishes? My BF doesn't think they should turn their hand when they are over and it's sickening!
They have hands, legs and a brain....no reason why they can't do things for themselves. Why do parents today make kids that turn into helpless little spoiled brats?
There is nothing wrong with self sufficiency. How to I get the point across to my bf without him going ballistic on me? (He gets very defensive about anything to do with the kids)
Are you the one that cleans
Are you the one that cleans up after them, make them sandwiches and wash their dishes? If you are the one that does that, then STOP!
If you are not the one that does that, then ignore it and let DH raise his kids the way he wants to.
Yes, I am the one doing all
Yes, I am the one doing all that.....It makes me feel like that's the only reason he keeps me around.
I agree with willow that you
I agree with willow that you are also enabling this.
However, if I were in your shoes, and depending on your feelings towards the kids and your situation, I would simply start incorporating the kids into your routine.
skid, what kind of sandwich do you want? ok, can you grab the peanut butter, you and your sibling are going to have a "race" to see who can make their sandwich and clean up the fastest. skid, you want your blue shirt for tomorrow? sure, come here so I can show you how to do it, someday I won't be here to do these things for you.
OMG...why are YOU the one
OMG...why are YOU the one doing that?!! Stop...disengage today. If they leave a mess, tell DH to clean it up. If they are hungry, send them to their FATHER to feed them. If they leave dirty dishes, tell your BF to clean them up.
Do you have skid all the time or just every other weekend?
Every other weekend.....I
Every other weekend.....I dread them!
They are 10, 12, and 13...old
They are 10, 12, and 13...old enough to take care of themselves for the most part!
Well here's your red flag: 1.
Well here's your red flag:
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
Would you state reasoning
Would you state reasoning being WHY these are red flags? I think that might help more.
For example:
Saying, "Well take the high road and ignore her flat our attack at us." Is different than, "I need to sleep with my babies or they won't know I love them."
1. Does your man allow
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
YES! Good grief does that ever drive me insane.....I HATE that more than anything. They are too old to want to get "scared" at night or want to snuggle! Blech!!
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
Sometimes! It's ridiculous!
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
They are not entirely stunted....but do that nauseating baby talk.
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
YES!
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
NO, he does sometimes say no to them.
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
Yes! And they get in fights when he and I are trying to have a conversation!
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
Yes, says similar things to that!
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
YES! When he goes out for 5 minutes, They are saying "Where's daddy?" "Where's Daddy?" Yes, they say it multiple times! They are too old to be saying "Daddy"
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
YES, can't even put something in the freakin microwave!!
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
Not all the time but sometimes.
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
YES!!!!!
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
He's hinted in that direction before.
If you can answer YES to ANY of these questions, get your sneakers ready to go.
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