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Walk the line

crazy stepmom's picture

Submitted by crazy stepmom on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 2:36pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

Lately I have been really frustrated with the whole invisible line I am not suppose to cross because I am not the BM. We'll here is what I think. If you wanted me here and I'm helping you take care of your children 95% of the time then I am going have a say in how those kids should be raised. Screw what the BM thinks. Anyone else just as frustrated as me?

step2012's picture

Submitted by step2012 on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 2:54pm

I agree with you in some regards. Why is it that we are allowed to make their meals, clean up after them, run errands and chores for everyone but not welcomed in the BIG decisions?

The biggest issues in my household come when there is no consistancy in the treatment of the children. I raised mine very strictly as far as manners, helpfulness, respect for others, equality between the sexes and now I am in a position where there is one SS and he is the "golden child" to my husband. One SD who is given everything she wants and asked for nothing in return. And my two BD's who are self sufficient, responsible and helpful.

I would accept the line that "I know I have raised my kids to be independent and able to take care of themselves" but that doesn't relieve the suffering that is yet to come from having two skids that are so inept at taking care of themselves or things around them that I will be saddled with their needs for YEARS to come. (SS20, SD17 were asked to turn on the dishwasher last week and had no idea how to do it, SD17 routinely complained that my SD made all the good baking when she was at her BM's (hello youa re 17 if you want cookies get off your arse and make some cookies)).

I am living like you, expected to do everything for them but expected to stay on the other side of that line so as not to offend them. Tired!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 01/23/2014 - 6:14am

My perspective is that my wife and I are equity partners in our marriage and in life and that includes being equity parents to any children in our home regardless of biology.

I raised SS-21 as my own from day one. His mom and I started dating when he was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo. I did what I chose to do as his dad and no one ever told me I couldn't. Too bad. I would have enjoyed shredding their idiot asses if they had. I attended parent teacher conferences, enrolled him in schools, took him to the doctor and initiated medical treatment, put him on planes, took him off of planes, took him on vacations to many places around the globe, etc, etc, etc... Not a word from anyone indicating they had a problem with it. Except for the Sperm Clan and I never gave a shit what they thought about anything. They did not earn the right to an opinion with their toxic manipulations.

When the Sperm Clan, primarily Sperm Grandma, got lippy I energetically participated in barring their idiot asses in court and within their community. By my actions I energetically demonstrated to my wife, our son (my SS), and anyone else for that matter that I am his REAL dad and that biology has zero to do with being a REAL parent.