Sweetie, after being in a relationship with a man for over 4 years with 4 wicked SD's and my SO doesnt work and mooches off me, I would say get out. I had my wicked skid's do very similar things and stepping in as a parent does not always work. I have tried this with my own Skid's only to get additional back lash from them and my SO.....I think your man needs to discipline his child(children) and teach him some manors...He has no right to be damaging things in your home. However, i am sure the child is confused, and sad from the divorce, but i have no tolerance for that sort of behavior.....Next thing you know you will have personal things missing , Been there done that...Talk with your Boyfriend and if he does not help in disciplining those children then its time to move it on out....That's terrible that he is pawning off his parenting on you...Thats not your problem, Its his ..shame on him.....you have every right to be annoyed....Best of luck with everything, and best wishes

You're only 20 and you are supporting a grown ass MARRIED (legally) man and his kids.

You're a meal ticket babe. Better you learn this now than later.

ETA: Rehab or not, I know felons who have full time jobs as carpenters. As an ex carpenter (custom cabinetry/finish carpentry to be specific) It's not too hard to get a job as carpenter. It's really not. And if it IS in your area, then he needs to branch out and explore other options. General labor jobs are a dime a dozen.

1. A 20 year old girl should not be supporting a grown ass man and his children.
2. He is still MARRIED.
3. You are living with a MARRIED man.
4. HE IS MARRIED.
5. Did I mention the love of your life is f**king MARRIED???

Pack your little barbie bags and get into your little barbie dream car and get the hell out of this relationship. NOW.

At your age you should be in college and having a fun freaking time. Not supporting a MARRIED f**ker, with little or no income, out of REHAB, with three goddamn kids.

This will only end with you being bitter and saddled with a child or two of your own, supporting them by yourself. You are 20. Go have a full, fun life. Find a SINGLE man, without the baggage of an ex or kids and have a real, grown up relationship. This will is doomed to make you miserable.

Run....dont walk....run and get out of this situation your in. Trust us. Move on from him.

Sometimes love is not enough

I actually do agree with everyone here. I am 25 and my DH is 38, I have a sd11, sd8 and a DS7. My SD's, especially the older one, as she gets older, seems to think of me as more of a babysitter than an authoritative figure and this can get really frustrating when you are trying to enforce rules in your house and you find that only your child is following them because your step kids can't seem to take you seriously for some reason. They love me, have fun with me, but once they come back from moms they forget everything. All rules of the house are erased. DH helps, but since I'm home/unemployed right now I do most of the enforcing. So my point is, as they get older and older, you will become closer and closer in age and you need to decide if you are up for that.

If you stay, you need to make sure your man parents his kids and you don't get stuck doing his work. Especially since you are the one bringing in the income, but mostly because they are his kids. Also, don't let him waste time, he needs to be held accountable by you to get a job. Even if it's a different one, maybe he should consider a different trade in a related field. Have him look into it, there are all sorts of programs. If this isn't steady, he may need to switch to think about his future employment opportunities.

Good luck. Don't stay for love though. This is your life and the choices you make are very important. Think things through very carefully okay?

You meed to put your foot down. If he can not financially contribute then he needs to 100% parent those kids plus do housework and cook for you. If he is not showing you gratitude for supporting him and his kids then see this as a look at what your future will be with him.

OP, where are your parents? What do they have to say about you allowing this man to use you?

I am so sad to read your post. I wish I lived closer because I would rescue you and take you under my wing.

My own daughter went through exactly the same as you only she married him and had 2 more of his kids. He is now living back home with his drunken mother and ignores any responsibility of all 6 kids and my daughter has thankfully found a wonderful man her own age who adores the 2 kids that she had with that lazy bum.

Please please please be strong and get away from this loser. Love comes with pride in one package. What is there to be proud of?

It is hard enough leaving a beautiful marital home and a hard working man that you love because of skids but to forge head on into a disastrous relationship with somebody that took drugs and alcohol to a point of needing rehab whilst rearing young children is just desperate.

I think you need to be loved. Loved by your family. You will love yourself then and be very choosy who you settle with. He doesn't love you. He is using you. He would scrub public rest rooms to show his worth to you.

Arrrggghhh I just want to cry!!! (((( Huge hugs to you )))

I was in your position about 5 years ago. Just turned 21, dating a 33 year old guy, who eventually became my DH, and who I eventually had a daughter with, and who is still my other half, and I am the main breadwinner for our house--so I'm not going to tell you that it's impossible to have the happily ever after you're looking for given those circumstances.

However, there are major differences between our story and yours:
1. He was not and had not been married (the skid came from an unfortunate tryst with a crazy chick right before me) at the time we were dating and even before. That would have been a mess that I, no matter how much I loved him, would have deigned to deal with. Could you imagine what your parents and the strangers would say about that? If the majority would be aghast, then perhaps you should re-examine why, and realize because it's not usually a story that ends well.
2. He had a job. Actually, he had two. He could support himself and me if he had to. I didn't need him to, since I more than held my own. Please read Seue's advice on this. It's spot on. I am the main breadwinner of the house, but that's because I came in with more investment assets than him. A guy who came out of rehab and who can't find employment is a big red flag. See, what happens, and it's human nature, is that people become complacent--he will get used to this lifestyle, and he will stay this way so long as you make it comfortable for him.
3. He tolerates no disrespect to me. He tells and shows me he will stand up for me so I won't have to. If your BF tells you to stand up for yourself, but he won't lift a finger, you got problems.

I would say run, but you are in the honeymoon phase so you won't. So I will tell you this: his court battle with his wife will be ugly, and you will be dragged into it, be emotionally invested in it, and it will look like there is no end. It will break you, as will the disrespect and anger from his kids until you have nothing because even though he tells you to stand up for yourself, he should be the one doing it, not you. He will use and drain you until you finally, if you still have a clear head, say you've had enough, and he will promise to change, and if you are still slightly in love with him, you will give him another chance until he's wittled away another few years from you. And then when you want to leave again, he'll give you a ring and a baby and then this is the life you'll forever have.

You only have one life, and you choose how to live it.

You don't need advice. Read you own post without the rose colored glasses on and you will know what you should do.

A question though. Is this really the man you want to make a life with and to father your children? An addict, married man committing adultery, who can't support his children?

Really? :? :jawdrop:

My bride and I have a similar age difference to the one you and your SO have so I do understand a bit of what you are experiencing. I am 12 years older than she is. The difference between your situation and ours 20 years ago when we met when she was 18 and I was 29 is that I was nearly done with engineering school. We married 5mos after I graduated with my BSEE. My 18yo bride did not need to support me. That was my job as the husband and father in the home.

If your SO was a man of character and worthy I would not have any issue with your situation. But, he is a 35yo addict, father, who is married, and can't support himself much less his current family. What makes you think he will be able to support you and your family? Or more importantly, what makes you think 15 years from now he won’t abandon you for a younger woman and refuse to support and feed your children?

Wake up young lady. There are plenty of quality men out there. Men your own age and men your SO's age. Men that are of character and don't have the baggage of a wife and 3 children.

My first husband was 11 years older than me, we met when I was 17 and married when I turned 18. As the years went on and I didn't do everything he told me the way he told and would question things, he would say "you've changed", "you're not the girl I fell in love with". He was absolutely right! Because I was growing up, at 20 you have so much ahead of you and exciting things to do and learn. Don't strap yourself down with an unemployed, married man, with kids. If you continue, you will look back in a few years and say I wasted so much time and now I'm stuck.