Hello!

I have been with mom for 2 years now. She has a boy and girl. I have one of my own. My step daughter and i can get along just fine. There are times where i'm obviously the stepdad. She is 11 by the way. My stepson however... thats another story. He is only 4 so he has a lot of time to grow. There is always a ton of tension which i get... he loves his dad and nobody is trying to take that way. The issue comes with discipline.

Mom lets him do whatever he wants because quite frankly... she's a chiropractor and works all day. She loves loves loves her kids... but doesnt want to hear the whining and crying. She gives him Screentime 24/7 if he wishes. Only feeds him what he eats.. which turns future dinners into a disaster if those 2 things arent on the menu. She lets him control her such as makes her fall asleep with him at night. If he wakes up without her next to him, he cries and freaks out until she coddles him. He wont spend a minute alone playing with toys by himself. The only time he's by himself is when he has his tablet or moms phone. Her phone is constantly needing charge when she needs it most because her son "needs" it. She is just too exhausted to deal with whiney children so she just does what is "easy". 

When i talk to her about it, she agrees but quickly tells me she doesnt want to hear about it anymore and that i'm lecturing her. When i try to take things into my own hands such as suggest he does something else aside from watching his tablet or moms phone, he yells back with a loud shreak... then mom yells at me for making him make noise!!! If i try to talk to him about not talking back and he continues.. mom yells at me to stop "arguing" with him and just let him have what he wants. When he talks back to mom, mom backpedals and redirects the conversation instead of correcting the problem of a 4 year old talking back to the parent.

His dad does the same if not worse. When he goes to his dads house, because he does not have a significant other, and most likely wont, his dad coddles his every needs. Cuddles him to sleep, gives him what he wants, as much screen time as he wants. Which completely erases any progress we have controlling things at our house. When dad is confronted, he snaps back at us to not tell him how to parent his child... which i get... but there's no discipline. Such as... he blatently tells me that "Abuelita says i can watch my tablet when i'm done eating." Which happens to be the only food he ever eats because she served it. He knows he can get away with certain behavior. He feels invincible. If i have a moment to instill discipline on him, (never physical contact), it is always taking away the electronic and making him sit there trying to explain to him what he did. He instant melts down as soon as his rescuers come within eyesight. They always rescue his needs and make excuses for his disrespectfulness. 

When grandma and grandpa come in the picture... I'm just scum of the earth to my stepson. He knows they will save him and i swear he does things on purpose because he knows i cant do anything about it.

I served 13 years in the army. My daughter does not get away with much when it comes to that behavior. I nip it in the butt quick! I like order in my house and children are not in the chain of command. Children do not controll the parents in my perspective. They dont know what they want so it is our job to show them the proper ways so they know what is and is not right or wrong. If i serve food, and my children decide they dont want it. I will do my best to make it taste better but i dont make a special meal for them unless there are dietary needs. If they dont eat it in my opinion... thats on the child. 

I'm just frustrated and i feel powerless!!!!!