So frustrating
Last night I got home from a PTO meeting at SS7's school. He was already in bed. Sitting on the table was a Thanksgiving book, first page says I am thankful for.. SS7 has a couple pages that say firefighters, the army, xyz.. four pages in it says I am thankful for "step dad's name", next page mom, LAST page dad and "my name".
I hesitated even reading it because usually projects from school always piss me off. In the past he will list his mom's town and not both when something asks where he lives. We have 50/50 custody and I have actually said to him in the past that he doesn't just visit dads house, he equally lives here too because his mom would coach him to say dumb crap to us. I decided to just be honest with him about stuff she would coach.
So this morning, while Im waiting for SS7 to get ready so I can take him to school he walks into the kitchen and says oh did you see my book? I say yes I did its very nice, good job. He says I had to add you in last night because I forgot about you when I was making it.
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF
I just looked at him and said what?? How could you forget about me I do so much for you and "stepdad" gets his own page! I don't remember verbatim but he just repeated a few times that he couldn't think of me when he was making it. In the car he mentioned that he didn't forget about me, he was just running out of time and I told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore.. we started talking about his upcoming play instead.
I think that tonight I need to tell him I don't need to be in a book to know that he loves me and Im not upset about, it I was just giving him a hard time.
But I am upset about it. We pay for most of his expenses, we sign him up for all his activities (his mom didn't want him to be in soccer because it was too much driving back and forth and we offered to do all the driving- she eventually gave in and drives him on her week), we encouraged him to be involved with the play when his mom was really against it and he LOVES it. It makes me feel like we should just stop caring so much because BM gets all the credit and love no matter what we do.
Thank you, I was worried
Thank you, I was worried about being a little too honest/hard on him but I think you're right.
Such a good point, and
Such a good point, and exactly why I always try to be honest with him about things. I don't want to protect him to the point of him being a clueless adult.
This is the first thing that
This is the first thing that came to my mind........do you think it's possible that he might have been afraid of upsetting his mother if she saw your name? He waited and then added your name but dedicated a whole page to his moms husband (his stepdad) which would make his mom happy.
I don't know, it's just a thought. Maybe letting you know that he "forgot" your name and added it later was his little, clumsy way of letting you know that he didn't forget you, that you do mean something to him. No one told him to add you, he came up with it on his own.
I'm not trying to invalidate your hurt feelings as I would most likely be hurt too but I just had to share this thought with you. You know how honest little kids are and sometimes they can't articulate what they really think and feel. I wonder if this was his little way of letting you know that you are important to him and he is grateful for all you do. It's almost as if he was acknowledging to himself "how could I forget my stepmom, how silly of me! I need to add her name right away!"
I don't know.......just a thought.
In the past, before he
In the past, before he started tell me that he loved me he told his mom that he think he loved me and he wanted to make sure it was okay with her that he felt that way. So I think we are past the point of him worrying about upsetting his mom, but things change. Maybe he has noticed that her and I haven't been on the best of terms lately because of little comments she makes and thinks he doesn't understand.
And unfortunately his dad had to point out to him that he forgot me before he thought to add me in the book.
He sincerely could have just forgotten I guess, but that just pisses me off more. My life revolves around this kid and he isn't even thankful for me.
Oh geez, I'm sorry. That does
Oh geez, I'm sorry. That does hurt. Knowing all of that I must say that I'm glad you let SS7 know how that made you feel. he needs to know that you do a lot for him. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I'm so sorry. Hopefully as he gets older he will see all you do for him and will reciprocate. It's not fun to feel like an afterthought.
Hang in there and take care.
Amber.
I agree with Amber as to this
I agree with Amber as to this being a possibility. If my SD had made a book like that at that age, and included me in it in a big way, her BM would have been upset with her. SF would have struggled trying to figure out what to do to keep BM happy.
I'm sorry he hurt your feelings - I understand how you must feel.
Thank you guys for your kind
Thank you guys for your kind words and encouragement. I didn't bring it up again and feel a lot better now that a few days have passed. I am hoping he remembers me in the future!
Thanks for being here for me!