Protecting me from them
My partner has a child from a previous marriage. The mom also has two other kids from two other men and juggles visitation with all of them. My partner has 50/50, but physical is every other weekend and Wednesday nights because we live an hour away (and have all along). The mom is a train wreck, and in spite of the stay at home order has been taking the kids all over town, as well as to each of their respective dad's homes, and to her sister's house to play with the four cousins... as well, bio mom and her three kids live with her parents. The problem: I am immune compromised and I don't feel safe having his daughter at our house. He disagrees, of course. The bio mom would not have a problem if we temporarily suspended visitation, but my partner does not feel it's necessary despite my worries and desire to have some control over my health in my own home. He says I'm being ridiculous "and his whole family agrees". Am I being ridiculous? If I am will someone please tell me? I feel like it's a small sacrifice that he let her quarantine at her moms for the next few weeks in order to keep me healthy. He says I'm ask g him to stop being a father which is NOT my intent. Your thoughts?
He (and his whole family *eye
He (and his whole family *eye roll*) is being a jackass.
Lol, I could have sworn I
Lol, I could have sworn I thought we had the same BM as I was reading this. BM in this side also has 3 different baby daddy's AND she's dating some other guy currently who she hasn't (yet) had a kid with lol. I also didn't feel at all comfortable with having SD over when this all started because 1. We're unsure of the precautions they're taking. 2. We are sure her other kids have been visiting with her sister and cousins and the other 2 kids are still swapping back and forth from their fathers' houses. So I simply told DH I will not be putting my health (asthmatic) and my infant son's health in danger because of his little "princess". He agreed and let BM know as well we will not be having SD over until it's all over. Just be straight up, firm, and kick him out if he protests. He can go get a hotel room if he wants to put himself at risk. Protect yourself.
Isn't it just awful to watch
Isn't it just awful to watch other parents be so reckless? The other thing I get from him and his mom: "If you were a mom you would understand." After hearing that for 2 years I told him I'd lose my mind if I ever heard that phrase again. I'm realizing that his "family" that he says he would do anything for.... that doesn't include me. And that has been an eye opener (and super hurtful, of course). Thank you for sharing and commiserating. I'm so glad your husband "gets" it.
If you don't have kids with
If you don't have kids with your SO, better for you. Leave his disconsiderate ass and his stupid family too.
His whole family agrees.
His whole family agrees. Then surely one of them has a spare room where he can stay for the next few weeks. SD can pop in and out of their house.
This absolutely. He is welcome to have visitation and self-quarantine anywhere else for 14 days. He has no right to comprimise your health.
your situation makes me think of the Detroit bus driver
https://www.metrotimes.com/news-hits/archives/2020/04/10/detroit-bus-dri...
Here's an excerpt but you get the gist. Listen to your gut. There was no reason for this man to die. Others don't care if you are elderly or immune compromised. They don't care. Not even your husband or his family. You must care about yourself! I wouldn't be around them and they are being a holes if you ask me.
Johnson-Hargrove says her husband was a jovial man who was proud to be a bus driver, and took his job very seriously, even bringing Lysol in his backpack to disinfect seats for his riders. But he was disturbed after a woman was coughing on his bus without covering her mouth, and posted a rant on his Facebook.
"When he got home, he was so upset about it.," she says. "He was like, 'Why did she do that? These people just don’t care and are not understanding what’s going on in this world.'"
Hargrove died 11 days after posting the video, after spending three days in the hospital due to experiencing difficulty breathing. Johnson-Hargrove says she doesn't want her husband's death "to go in vain."
He says I'm ask g him to stop
He says I'm ask g him to stop being a father
He's being a little dramatic, isn't he?
His daughter is being exposed to way too many people, to then come over to your house.
You are not being ridiculous. He should care more about his wife's health.
Thank you for the validation
You guys can't believe how much your voices mean to me. I was feeling really alone in this situation with him and his family and had begun doubting myself. I appreciate you. I'm so glad I found this site. #COVIDsilverlining
I am much more on the side of
I am much more on the side of keeping visitation as normal as possible during this with 3 exceptions:
You are in one of the groups I personally feel should be suspending visitation right now. Even if your husband goes to see them, he is still a risk to you after. Here are the options for people like you guys- He goes to live in a family member or in an efficiency hotel for this time. He doesn't need to come home until he has been away from them for 2 weeks. You can go live with family that you trust and he can have the house with the kids. Either way- he does have to choose between risking your life and seeing the kids right now.
This isn't forever but this is a big deal to those with underlying conditions. Does he really want you to die alone, suffocating in a hospital? Because that would be my question to him. Do you really think so little of me that you want my death to be that way? BM doesn't care if I die, but I thought you, as my husband, would.
Needs vs Wants
You NEED to be kept apart becuase you are in an immune compromised group.
Your DH WANTs to continue seeing his child
The child very likely NEEDS to continue a healthy relationship with both parents.
You'll note that your DH is stuck solidly in the middle. I would suggest that if anyone makes the sacrifice here it's the adult. He goes to live with his family for the duration of this distancing and see you only through glass doors, windows, skype calls etc. That way he risks only his own health while meeting the needs of his daughter to the best of his ability. Or you go to live with your family and do the same (visit him and his by Skype). My kids are adults, so we have been separated and it sucks! I can't imagine trying to do this if my child was 12 or younger.
You are the one who is immune
You are the one who is immune compromised. It is your call and your call alone. Quit playing games with this guy and protect yourself,
I tick three high risk category boxes for this virus including having an autoimmune disease.
I get it.