Jedi Kid Trick
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I am a newlywed. Before we got married, my husband said he wanted to have more kids with me (we have teenage SDs). Now whenever I bring it up, he either ignores me or treats it like I just said the most absurd thing ever. I think it's because he doesn't want to upset the youngest SD, since she thinks she is his wife, and I'm just the hired help. She also has fabricated allegations of abuse in the past so I think he is also scared of her, and thinks that having another kid will put a big target on his back again.
I'm getting really fed up of him living in fear and it impacting our lives and intimacy (of all types).
I remember
Something similar happened with us. We didn't really discuss a baby but once we moved in together, I wanted one. We had 5 kids between the two of us and they were all close in age. When I pressed him, he said, we have enough problems. My feelings were hurt. Nor long after that, I started therapy. After awhile, I noticed that my desire for a baby disappeared, don't know why but it seemed to have something to do with the therapy. In retrospect, I agree with his assessment but at the time I was hurt.
I understand how you feel.
Welcome to the site!
Considering you describe yourself as a newlywed, your husband didn't waste much time in changing his tune, did he? I think it's time for a come to Jesus meeting between you and him, and for you both to lay your cards on the table. Making fun of you because you want a baby just will not cut it. He has married you under false pretences. Tell him you think he's scared of SD and that she is his mini wife, see what he says. Don't let him turn it into a joke or gaslight you - this is deadly serious and may cause your very short marriage to come to an end if you feel strongly enough about it. I know I would.
Thank you for the welcome...
And for the post. The gaslighting is sooooo annoying (at first infuriating and frustrating, and I second guessed myself, but I'm too damn smart to continue on that path). Great advice. I'm going to lay it all out there. Can't figure out next steps until I'm clear about what I'm dealing with.
This is called bait and
This is called bait and switch. If you want children, you should reconsider this relationship. What a cruel trick to play om someone.
Sounds like you don't have
Sounds like you don't have any kids of your own? Don't give that up for someone who misled you like this.
I would never have given up
I would never have given up on being a mother. I would have a serious talk with him. Make dinner, sit down with no distractions and tell him that you were led to believe that there would be a child in your future. If he says he changed his mind, fine, but you have a right to change yours as well about your marriage. This would be deal breaker stuff for me.
If you have been married
If you have been married under a year you can get an anullment for him marrying you under false pretenses. Lots of divorced dad's try this shit because they want a young wife but if you marry a woman without kids who is under 35 chances are she is going to want some and that was part of the whole reason she got married!
Disagreeing over having kids is divorce worthy, especially if he lied to you or acted like he wanted the same thing in order to get you.
Spot on.
Thank you!
Look at your Skid and then
Look at your Skid and then decide if you want to burden your own child with the influence of half of the shallow and polluted gene pool that created that kid.
Find a better father for your own children.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
At this point...
It's not even that. I could totally see DH engaging in the same Disneyland Dad behavior with our bio child to compete with me and to make sure he's getting his fill of attention and/or is the child's "favorite".