My boyfriend and I have lived together for about 4 months now and that's how I finally realized what I am getting myself into. We are not engaged yet but he is constantly talking about marriage and how we are going to grow old together so I know he's serious about having a life together with me and I am him. However I have this struggling thoughts about his two kids. The "thinking" part of me tells me that I should be ok with them, at least like them if not able to love them. However the "feeling" part of me constantly hoping they would be out of the picture. I don't know how not to feel the way I feel. The worst part is they are normally quiet, almost withdrawn when people they don't know are around, but when they are with each other or with their dad, they are loud and won't shut up and the "happy times" they spend with the BM keep coming up in their conversation. My boyfriend said they were just being kids and he couldn't stop them from talking about the fun time they had with their mother in front of me. This is very difficult to tolerate, it made me feel like an intruder in "their" family. My real big dilema is once a year my boyfriend will take them on a 2-week trip, it takes about 6 to 7 hours in the car to get to the destination. Of course my boyfriend expects me to go with them and that's what troubles me. How am I to sit in a car with them for 6, 7 hours putting up with them talking and screaming non-stop and listening to my boyfriend and them chatting about the "good old days" with the BM? If I don't go with them, first, my boyfriend might have a problem with it even though he knew I am not a kid person, and second, 2/3 of our vacation time will pretty much go down the drain since he only has 3 weeks vacation each year. I keep daydreaming that he never had kids with his ex. I hate the thoughts of hoping for the kids to disappear. I feel like a wicked person. I thought about leaving him but we are both committed to each other, it's hard to just throw it all out the window. I know talking about it probably won't solve anything, but it's still good to talk about it, maybe someone out there can understand and sympathize without judging. Plus I really need to have someone outside of his family to talk to. How on earth can I talk about my true feelings about his kids to his family without being executed on the spot?