This is a site for VENTING. You are not going to find the happy stories on this site.

I am an older person and know of many happy step situations where the skid is now a functioning adult who has normal relationships with both parents and their new spouses.

Except in cases where there is obviously a mental disorder in the child it mostly will boil down to whether the man you choose to be with is a decent human being and a decent parent. And is the BM also a decent human being? Will everything be perfect - no of course not. Nothing in life is perfect.

A man who is not eaten up by guilt and living in fear that his child will not "like" him can be a wonderful partner. If you have read most of the stuff here it all too often boils down to the man either being a total jackass or a weak willy.

I have a very happy stepstory.
I came into SD22's life at 2, married her father when she was 4 or 5.
She was and still is my daughter, and her father is long gone.

Was it hard? Sure. Would she pull the "you're not my mom" thing? Of course. Was her mother nuts, intrusive, and vindictive? Hell, yeah.

Now... SD is very much a part of my life. I continued to raise and support her after XH left. She vacations with my "bio" family and my new DH. She calls my parents her grandparents. She even calls my new DH her stepfather. Matter of fact, we're flying her to meet us in Vegas in a couple of weeks for a "family" vacation.

You have to not be bitter. You have to not be angry at the fact that your man had a life before you. You have to accept that the world isn't all about you, and you have to accept that broken families DO have an effect on children, and you have to butt out of interactions between your man and his ex.

Anyway, it's VERY possible to have a happy stepstory. You just have to set selfishness aside and work for it.

There are many happy stories here. But there is real life drama also. Even in a intact family there is drama and unhappy days. Such is life.

I have bio daughter 30, my fdh has d12 and s15. We have been together for 4yrs. The skids love me in spite of their mom's ranting and ravings. They love their dad even through her constant PAS. My daughter loves them and they love her.

I am marring this wonder man in May of this year. Do I think it will be easy, no it will not, but in all relationships there are good and bad days. If you both put your relationship first, everything will be much easier. Too many people loose sight of that fact and put their children before their spouse.

Be realistic in what you expect and want. You are not the mom and you will never be, however you can be someone very important to this child. Love and respect does not have a limit and you do not have to be called mom to be an important person in a child's life.

Read stepmonster and set firm boundaries for your self. This is for everyone's benifit.

I think you can have a happy ending in a stepfamily situation, but that doesn't mean you won't have a ton of bs to deal with in the meantime. I love my husband but I feel like if I would have married a man without all the baggage, I would not have nearly as much stress day to day. You just have to ask yourself if it's worth it because it will definitely be a struggle.

My mom has a stepmom who came into her life when she was very young. Mom also has 3 siblings who were also very young at the time (4 kids total). That SM is still around and has accepted her skids as well as us grand-skids as her own. I don't know how she does it. She has stories though, believe me!

Sure it's possible. I loved (and still do) my stepmom! Then again, my parents were a nightmare together and by the time they separated when I was 17, I was THANKFUL they were no longer together!

If the kids aren't too damaged by their parents, are taught to respect the new stepparent (didn't say LIKE them, just respect them) and boundaries and rules are set and followed through with both their bio parents and the new stepparent, as well as their bio parents don't alienate them against the other - sure I think it can be a successful venture.

It wasn't for me and my SD14 because she was severely damaged by her parents, traumatized by the divorce, was never disciplined or made to be held accountable or responsible. She fought me and DH the entire way plus she was PAS'd by her bio mom (still is). I've grown resentful of her over the years and the hurt she's caused my husband. I can't trust her because she's lied time and time again. I honestly don't want her in my life, but have never held my husband back from having a relationship with her. She chooses to stay with her BM full time because BM doesn't have rules, consequences and also has a boyfriend that showers her with attention and expensive gifts. DH refuses to buy her love and bow down to her ridiculous demands, so she's withdrawn and estranged herself from him.

CC, I think happy stepfamilies are possible. For me, the biggest change came when I realized that I was trying way too hard. I think that's really common.

Once I created some healthy boundaries for myself, I found peace and balance. I had to learn to step back, breathe, and let go.

I gathered my hard-won realizations in The Childless Stepparent Manifesto. May it be of benefit to you! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I still consider myself a newbie!

http://childlessstepparent.wordpress.com/category/manifesto/

Whatever you do, be sure you keep a financial safety net. You do NOT want to cohabit, find out the situation is not what you wanted, and be stuck because you can't afford to leave. I would also advise waiting a significant period of time before any plans of marriage. While living together is going to present the same challenges, don't make it legal - yet. It's a lot easier to extricate yourself if you are not married and have that financial safety net. And if it all works out great in the long, you can still keep that nest egg for other things.

Yes, I can say it is possible to have a happy family--will it ever feel "Normal?" probably not, but it can be your normal. I've been married to DH 3 yrs and have sd 11--things are super great now. It's just the 3 of us right now; we hope to have kids, but we'll have to see what shakes out. Anyway, the first year was rough, but we made it through and it is great. but you have got to have a good husband who parents his child and has strong boundaries w/ the ex. i couldnt have done it otherwise!!!

it's possible for sure if dh has a pair of balls-- dont mean to be crass, but it's true!

I am now a step mom and had a step Dad growing up. He was wonderful to me and really put up with a lot of things that I won't put up with my SD10. I don't know if with males it's different. Maybe they are more easy going about it all. Although I am a new step mom ( we got married in April and dated for two years) the road so far has been bumpy. The kid has some habits that drive me nuts although she is mostly sweet. The problem is not her really. It is my spouse that treats her like a 4 year old. She essentially rules the house and our needs are often put aside for hers. Romance has been a challenge as she is a libido killer. I like her but loving her like a mom is going to take time. The whole process takes time according to what I have read both on and off this site. If your spouse is supportive of your feelings then you are so much further than a lot of us here. Although I adore my spouse, I was yelled at in front of the kid early on and that set the tone for the future. I have basically disengaged and if anything will be some sort of supportive friend to the kid. If seen at all in a parent roll, I most certainly am going to be the cool one. Not my kid, not my problem if she grows up right. My spouse can raise her essentially alone now without my input no matter how much initially we were supposed to be a united front. If the girl wants to wear a short skirt and go out with a boyfriend at 13, I will tell her "awesome, have fun" (my standard mantra) and let my spouse deal with the rest. I just want her to pick up after herself and not hog the downstairs TV. Oh yes...forgot one....and leave me alone when I need alone time.