Help!
I'm going crazy here. Moved in with my (also female) partner a year ago, and with her 8 year old son. He truly is a lovely boy, but I never wanted kids myself. Of course, I knew somewhat what I was getting into, but to be fair, when I first came here (I moved to a new country too...) the child's father lived in the area and had the child every other weekend. Now the father has moved away, and takes the child once every two months for a long weekend. Like I said, he is a nice kid, really he is. But I can't help feeling annoyed that he doesn't have the kind of behaviour i'd expect from a child of his age, and that he's just constantly there. My partner and I nearly never go out, and there are always the domestic, family things to take care of, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, the every day banal things. And i'm just going insane. I left a life where I had a great job, very social, lots of dinners and parties. Now,, suddenly I'm stuck at home with a small child, and I really don't want to be. Does anyone else feel like this? Or is all hope lost, and I should just cut my losses and get out of here? Please help me, I feel terrible for feeling this way, but I can't help but think that my life would be so much better if the child weren't here... Thanks in advance...
Why are you "stuck" at home?
Why are you "stuck" at home? I know a couple of days ago I posted that I felt bad not being able to have a break but most of mine is due to money issues and I currently have more going towards bills that into my personal account...that being said - can you still not go to social dinners with co-workers or go out with or without your spouse every once in a while?
I understand that this is your spouses kid NOT yours...just because she is stuck at home doesn't mean you have to be 100% of the time. I have always believed that you must love, and be in a relationship but you must never lose focus of who you are. Your partner should embrace you do need time to get out and be you - that's who you were when y'all met correct? You may not do it as much but it is still important to not lose yourself.
It's time to sit your partner
It's time to sit your partner down and have a really difficult talk. It's a shame you two didn't discuss what would happen if or when she got her child full time. But she deserves to know you aren't liking this new arrangement. Maybe there is room for improvement- like kid having better manners and getting a sitter once a week. Or, maybe she's happy as a clam and has no idea you feel this way. Either way, it's time to clear the air.
Thanks guys. Was at a bit of
Thanks guys. Was at a bit of a breaking point last night. I now work from home, so am here for much of the day... Will talk to my partner, you're right, I was stupid not to do it before. I just felt bad and didn't really know if it was normal not to connect to a child. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Anyway, thanks for your help.
Moving to a new country and
Moving to a new country and giving up everything you essentially were for another can only be daunting. I can't even imagine it. Seems to me like some sort of imprisonment for love. Nevertheless, you are completely in control of your life. Just because we love, does not mean that we have to be enslaved. Life is short. If you can have a heart to heart with your woman and she respects you, then things will change. Expecting age appropriate things from the kid is reasonable and you seem like a really nice tolerant person. You are the other adult in the house and you deserve respect. Even if she does not want you to parent ( which actually was a good thing in my case because it took the pressure off and I didn't much like it anyway) you can still weigh in on behavior. Your attitude towards the child will change if she does not parent correctly. Remember it is not the kid's fault. It is hers. That being said, never let the kid think that you are a pushover. You can be nice but strict. If the kid fears you a bit then good. You must always retain control just in case your woman drops the parenting ball and the kid will try and walk all over you.
You also can leave. Just remember that love doesn't mean that you can't say "no". Love for yourself is also important and some would say a priority.