I'd disengage if I were you. No reason for you to get headaches & arguing for following HIS rules...that's just wrong.

You're absolutely right that he is undermining you...he's teaching them that anytime you dare open your mouth to his little "Angels", he'll step in & rescue them from the big bad SM monster.

My FDH used to pull the same crap. I told him that if he wanted to raise his children "free-range" that I would not be responsible for the consequences & started refusing to take them with me anywhere in public (out to eat, to the store, etc) because their behavior was so atrocious. That bugged my FDH enough to change his ways (heaven forbid I want NOTHING to do with his angels, dont'cha know!)

They are only EOWE kids so disengaging for you should work, right?

Why not go away somewhere EOW for a few months? Let DH figure it out on his own...then when you come back, you've established some distance, and don't even have to hear about the SDs. You have no authority, so why even attempt to set any limits on them? You can't win unless your DH wants you to.

Avoid the house when they are there. That was the only way I could preserve my sanity, when they were there.

Um get used to it and try not to take it personally. He's not enforcing his own rules so you can't win, forget about disciplining them as long as they aren't being disrespectful to you personally or you are alone with them. My dh often starts off with the best intentions to follow threw with rules we both agree on yet folds like a deck of cards everytime the kids do something wrong, they know it and so do I. Early on i did try to enforce what were supposed to be the rules but quickly learned it only made me the bad guy not just to the kids but dh as well, any time id point out that it was his idea he would find some excuse as to how this situation was different then what we had previously discussed (which isn't ever true lol) and therefore he wasn't really folding on his own rule... yeah ok honey *eye roll* lol. my aunt once told me "they will never have more respect for you, then they do their bio parent" and it all suddenly made sense. If he does'nt expect it from them then it is futile for you to expect it, plain and simple! I wish i had of known this waaay earlier i might of held out for some one with higher standards for their kids lol... Im only kidding i love Dh and both of his kids and yes i really do mean it... But figuring out my place as step mom was alot different then i expected... Just love and praise them for the good and let bios deal with the bad.

i'm not married yet but I can definitely understand the discipline part of it. When they come over, the first thing they do is get on the ps3's (unfortunately I had one before they came and now we have two). He doesn't even check if they have homework even knowing that they are doing horribly in school. It's very frustrating. :O