Chicken Pocks...Im in the dog box again.

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Hey luvely people,

please can I have some input from you? Ok yesterday my bf's ex gf phones and mentions in a side sentence that her daughter who is with us half the week has chicken pocks and advises which creams we are meant to apply, when she comes for her visit. Aware of the risk, I immediately switch into disease control mode - phone my mum to find out if I had chicken pocks as a child (Check), Check Vaccine booklet to see if I had a vaccination (Check), chat to bf to do the same (Check).

To cut a long story short I never had it and am not vaccinated so I asked BF nicely if he could perhaps see his child outside our home, since chicken pocks highly contagious, actually dangerous for adults + I am going on an overseas trip this week + had a mjor health issue a couple of years back which left my immune system slightly compromised.

I explain the above.

Angry bf: You are not going to make me chose between you and my child. My ex GF needs some privacy (since she had her for 2 weeks straight).
This is also my daughters home. You are so clinical with my daughter (daughter loves me to bits, I might have been clinical when she brought lice home agreed).

In the mean time ex starts texting me too: "She is not that contagious anymore" YEY...and quotes some internet research. Note, she is not a doctor.

My thoughts: Exes needs for privacy priority over my need for health? No consideration for my health. Who is bf looking out for? Clearly not his partner.

I am so keen to hear what you think. Would you have acted the same or sucked it up and applied cream to chicken pocks?

xx Starfish

I think he is in the wrong.

I think he is in the wrong. It's not too much to ask for him to delay his daughter's visit by a week or so. If you got vaccinated now, wouldn't the immunity become effective immediately? Maybe you could get the vaccine and then let her come stay over.

Hey InTurmoil, thank you for

Hey InTurmoil,

thank you for your quick reply. Next week would be fine even without vaccination, since I am overseas anyway and when I come back she would not be contagious anymore.
All I am asking for is that he meets her at her mums house (same town) or elsewhere (ideally not anywhere she can infect people). x Starfish

I don't think you were wrong

I don't think you were wrong to check and make sure whether you were vaccinated or not. Nor so I think you were wrong to be concerned about being exposed to Chicken pox.
But I do think you may have made an error in asking your BF to leave with his child.
I don't know the dynamics of your living arrangement, however, I feel it would have been much easier for YOU to leave for the weekend then for he and his ill child to leave.
I was very young when I had the chicken pox but remember it well. It is not fun and I would not be happy if I was asked to uproot my child to
go somewhere else, especially if they weren't well.
You are correct in saying that adults to get chicken pox become much sicker than children...it can be very bad. So I agree that you should not be around the child.
But my opinion, you should have been the one to leave for a few days.

Hi SM12, thank you for your

Hi SM12, thank you for your reply. I hear you. His daughter stays with her mum half the week. I was wondering why she could not just stay with her for those 2 days before I am flying instead of moving her sick bed over to us. He gets on well with the ex gf and could visit her there. She also happens to live in the same town. So all very easy. I also believe she is still contagious, but back at school, so not feeling terrible bad (fever and headache are gone).

Hi Heavenlike, thanks for

Hi Heavenlike, thanks for your response. His daughter is feeling fine but has open spots, so she is still contagious. I suggested they should meet elsewhere. Perhaps even at the exes house. I would never ask him to not see his daughter. He did give in and is seeing his daughter elsewhere, but is very angry with me now.

Hi Fruitsalad, sorry to hear

Hi Fruitsalad, sorry to hear you contracted it. Arrr. Shingles are hectic and people can suffer from it for years. Glad you were able to shake it off. Look, its more like me asking if she could perhaps not move her sickbed over from her mum to our house for those two days before I fly. Spa sounds great I agree but I had to organise lots of stuff before going overseas. In my opinion they could have made an arrangement for him to see her at her mums house. Whats the big deal? x S

Thank you for wrapping your

Thank you for wrapping your mind around it

Thanks for your reply. I will

Thanks for your reply. I will look into it.

Thank you! Im South

Thank you! Im South African. We are also very polite. LOL.

what another Saffer..... why

what another Saffer..... why in hiding }:)

Hey!!! How cool. Where are

Hey!!!

How cool. Where are you based? We should start a self help group, like this we get out of the house and away from all the stress. x

Sal is else where in Africa.

Sal is else where in Africa. Sailorgirl,Rogue and I are in SA itself.

Aaaawesome! Are you guys

Aaaawesome! Are you guys meeting for wine?

No, I don't know where in SA

No, I don't know where in SA they are and both have left steplife

Superstarfish - if you visit

Superstarfish - if you visit Namibia coast line you can let me know.... I don't do wine I do hard core whisky on the rocks

Ahaaaaha Whisky on the rocks

Ahaaaaha Whisky on the rocks in Namibia sounds like a lekker plan.

Your BF is being a jerk. The

Your BF is being a jerk. The daughter should not be around you until she is no longer contagious. Chicken pox is serious in adults. Being vaccinated now would not help you- it would take several weeks to build immunity.

She also should not be in your home, even if you leave for the two days, as the virus will be in your home and you could still be infected for some period of time.

Put your foot down and say no to her coming to your home. Too bad if bf sulks.

Hey Icansorelate, thanks for

Hey Icansorelate, thanks for your reply. I have put my foot down. Yeah. Cant compromise on my health. x S

I would leave the home while

I would leave the home while she there. Chicken Pox can be fatal to someone who has immunity issues.

Let him deal with his daughter while she staying with him

She will non contagious once all the spots have been scabbed over.

The bright side of all this

The bright side of all this is that the BM called and told him about the situation. She didn't just drop the child off.

Reality is that the child is sick. Sick child on dad's time means sick child at dad's home.

Now you get to double check that all of your vaccines are up to date. Boyfriend gets to do the same. And boyfriend needs to double check
the child's vaccinations. If the child didn't have a chicken pox vaccination, is she missing others?

I am a nurse that contracted

I am a nurse that contracted chicken pox as an adult from a patient that had shingles. I was extremely proactive about my case and demanded acyclovir from my MD very early on to slow the viral replication in my body, and I ended up having a fairly mild case of it. The reason I went so crazy asking for the anti viral med was that I had also had a patient that was in complete kidney failure at age 21 from contacting chicken pox at her place of work. She was awaiting a kidney transplant.

If that does not scare your bf, you need another one. Also.....get the vaccine. Back when this happened to me adults were not really able to get the vaccine.

Sorry to point out

Sorry to point out Starfish... you are not his partner. It is clear that he does not consider you his partner by his own behaviors.

I think since you are traveling internationally soon I would pack a couple of bags and move to a hotel to to your parents before your trip and not return to your marital home until you return from your trip.

Nothing clinical about it. Just reasonable care taken by someone with a compromised immune system.

As a T-1 diabetic (an auto-immune disease) I completely understand your concerns and the need to take any reasonable precautions to avoid an avoidable illness.

That your DH too stupid to realize this speaks volumes on him.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

Hi Rags, thanks for your

Hi Rags,

thanks for your message. Sadly his actions are very telling of were his loyalties lie or just plain ignorance of the danger he puts me into.
Daughter feels well enough to eat sushi and since none of her parents seems to be concerned about her spots she ended up eating sushi with my BF last night in a restaurant and then went back to her mum. I think tonight they are going to cinema. Daughter happy & hundreds of innocent strangers infected. Problem solved. x S

I think your BF is

I think your BF is overreacting, a couple of extra days at BM's is not going to be the end of the world. This is chicken pox, which you've never had, not just a cold or the flu.

As long as the pox are not

As long as the pox are not scabbed over and the pustules are able to leak fluid you are contagious. My kids had measles (English) one after the other (4 kids =10 weeks!) despite being up to date on their vaccinations. They were miserable and felt awful.

Just tell BF that you will be staying in a hotel for the 2 days before you travel and he is welcome to take care of his daughter on his own.

Oh hell no. Even if you had

Oh hell no. Even if you had it, you could be not fully immune to it. Two months ago (last month of my pregnancy) my MIL got the shingles and even showed up at our house while she was still contagious. I FREAKED and DH was livid but thankfully we weren't home that day.

Here's another horror story--my mom who has had the chicken pox thought she was immune since she had chicken pox as a kid so worry when she was taking care of my grandma who contracted shingles. She somehow got it in her EYE and almost lost that eye. Know what an eyeball looks like with boils on the whites? We do. *shudder*

I would leave. Health is not something to be played with.

Hi Not2Sure, thank you for

Hi Not2Sure, thank you for your response. I read your thread when I was researching the forum for chicken pocks threads. Flip! What a little shit. Cant be careful enough with those things especially during pregnancy. All the best for you. S

Thank you so much for all

Thank you so much for all your responses. I sometimes get a bit insecure about the step family boundaries I set, perhaps due to inexperience or confusion about my "job description". Reading about your experiences with the VIRUS my eyes are almost popping out and I feel affirmed in my decision. :jawdrop:

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Chicken Pocks...Im in the dog box again.