Afraid of his kids, should I stick around?
:?
My boyfriend has 2 kids, ages 8 and 11. Both exhibit behaviour that scares me. They both lack empathy (the 8 y.o. all the time and the 11 y.o. when she does something wrong). The 8 y.o. fantasizes about mutilating animals, does and says things that he knows are so, so hurtful, threatens violence against others and threatens violence against himself. The 11 y.o. can no longer be alone with young children because of something she did. She can be kind to others (as long as she hasn't done anything wrong) but when she has she has no remorse and blames others for everything. They both constantly make up sob stories about why they are the way they are. I think their B.M has a personality disorder or mental illness, and their behaviour is really starting to mimic hers. I'm afraid of them sometimes, not for myself but I feel like I need to protect others from them, especially other kids.
If it wasn't for them, I think their dad and me could make it work. We've talked about having kids and have tried for a year and a half. Part of me thinks we haven't been successful because of the stress. I love him, but I can't imagine raising kids around his kids. I can't trust them, and often they kind of give me the creeps. Their dad is a really wonderful guy though, kind and non-judgmental. However he too has a mental illness and a chronic physical illness and I know things aren't perfect with us all the time either.
Ugh, I just don't know what to do. Am I weak if I can't face living with his kids? I mean, they aren't horrible all the time, but they have a toxicity about them that I think could come out in really horrible ways as they get older. It wouldn't surprise me if the 8 y.o. was a true psychopath. I can't raise a new baby around someone like that. And my boyfriend hasn't said much to make me feel secure that he'd be aware and protect our kid if we had one.
I'm 28, educated, employed, and I was so happy before the 2 kids and their mother were so entrenched in my life.
So, should I stay or should I go?
Wow, this was the nicest vent I've ever done...
Thank you for your reply. I
Thank you for your reply. I can definitely see you have many good points...as most of what you said has already happened. I know the decision seems obvious, but where I'm feeling conflicted is that 1) I don't know if I can have kids 2) My boyfriend and I can communicate about anything, are interested in doing the same things and (like a lot of people) have build a life together. So, I don't know if I should leave because of the reasons I mentioned before, because of hypothetical situations. (although the situations that have happened have already been serious).
Thanks for any thoughts:)
So Dad and the kids are all
So Dad and the kids are all mentally ill and you really want to know if you should stay or go? why on earth would you stay?
Save yourself and DO NOT bring a baby into that situation.
I can't imagine why you would
I can't imagine why you would want to stay in this situation OR bring a child into it.
This exactly^^^^^^ Reading
This exactly^^^^^^
Reading you want to bring another child in to the situation makes me question your thought process.
Leave.
YOU SHOULD
YOU SHOULD GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ask yourself this question:
Ask yourself this question: if you and your boyfriend do have a baby and for whatever reason you can not make the relationship work, how are going to deal with your small child being in that house without you being there to protect him/her? Can you picture your child being left alone with the skids? I ask you to consider this because if leaving is crossing your mind now chances are good this relationship Will not last and dad will get visitation time and will be around skids as much as dad wants.
That is a scary thought.
That is a scary thought. Didn't even think of this possibility.
I stopped reading when I got
I stopped reading when I got to the trying to get pregnant part. Why would you want to have a helpless infant in this environment.
Personally, I would end it. You're young, childless, educated and employed. Don't settle for this.
Why are so sure the psycho is
Why are so sure the psycho is in BM's genes? Those kids are half your DH. It could be his DNA, too. And I highly doubt he has had ZERO impact on how they are. He helped raise them crazy.
You want to have a kid with THAT??? I think you have issues, too.
Please keep reading what
Please keep reading what Furkidsforme wrote. Those kids could have got the crazy from their daddy~the same man you're trying to have a child with. :?
Walk away from that freak show before you end up adding to their act
Hi, I have to agree with
Hi, I have to agree with everyone before me. To be honest my toe nails are curling up just reading this. If your skid tortures helpless animals what will he do with your infant?
Are any of them in treatment? Please this is a recipe for disaster. No break up can be as bad as sticking in this dynamic. If you are too deep in already, make sure you are spending tons of time with your friends, spend time on your well being or go away on your own regularly to put stuff back into perspective and understand again what a healthy lifestyle is. Perhaps even digg around in your childhood to find out what attracts you to this set up. Harville Hendrix shares some very useful insights here. Fingers crossed you figure this out. Its 5 am and Im awake because my skid woke up at 3.30 am ... Saturday morning. But this is nothing compared to the problems you are facing. Good luck!