Posters mention they are considering divorce before they actually do it. My DH clearly is more joined with SD than with me. No marriage survives a threesome.
I would imagine people consider it first most of the time. How many people do you think wake up one morning and say, "I want a divorce!" and then go file it that day??
Saffron, whenever things blow up like they did today, yes, I very seriously think of leaving. I am just so tired. I want a (relatively) peaceful life. I don't want to dread weekends and home time. When it was just my bios and I, we of course had some conflict, but nothing like this. I miss the days when I felt like "I" had a place to come home to.
saffron, I am not in a good financial position to walk away at the moment either but it is getting to the point that it won't matter. He wants to have a home the kids can always come back to. That wasn't made clear before we bought his place. I however mentioned I thought we'd sell it when they became adults. Guess he wasn't paying attention.
Good advice, sonrisa. That would work for me if they didn't still live here. What about momentous life events though, holidays, etc... Do they ALL end up sucking because of SS44?
In the past 2-3 months DH threatened divorce at least 1 every week or two due to my disengaging. I finally called him on it after the 3rd threat. I was DONE! I went to a solicitor and got some legal advice which empowered me in my own mind. He did not know about this and he doesn't need to know - I do not want to show my cards too early in the game. The solicitor helped me see that i was not in too bad of a financial situation - that helped a lot. Once he knew I would go through with it he backed off and has been really trying. I have NOT let my guard down though, since I believe that once SD figures out that her daddy wants his wife and his life, she will get more vindictive. The road will be rough in the weeks to come but I am prepared to walk and he knows it.
20years, good for you! Awful we have to push that hard though. I thought DHs were supposed to care about us even before we threaten to leave but I guess that's not how it works.
Saffron, I too, moved to a new country with DH ( if you caught my posts, you know ) sd21 had been livng with us before the move ( long story, useless, BM, the usual shit ) she came with us and it was a BIG mistake, fast forward, a year, and sd21 is returned to finish school in her home country. I, too, relished the space and freedom, and felt like my marriage was just between two people for the first time, not three or even four
( two skids )
What happened in reality, DH now always uses his trump card when we argue about the skids, that being he IS thousands of miles away and he misses them, blah, blah, the Guilty Dad syndrome, in full swing.... It trumps anything I could say, and if I did, I am just seen as the awful nasty, skid hating wife..... Sigh !! So distance for us, makes DH worse sometimes, it's his excuse AND reason for everything concerning them...
As, for Divorce, I have thought about it, but I feel like I am married to Jekyll and Hyde , 90% good DH..... 10% guilty Dad. When those numbers start to really slide, I will be making decisions, plus, the more time I spend WITHOUT the skids in front of me ( DH saw them EW ALWAYS, from Fri 6pm to Sun 8 pm !! ) it makes it five times as hard to EVEN imagine spending five minutes in their toxic company in the future.....
You should ask, how many SMs have an exit plan in place and are secretly saving money ready for it, I bet, the numbers are really high, I'm one of them.......
No it's not an option for me (unless he cheats or leaves me) but I definitely considered moving away from his hostile family (w/o him) for awhile.
2 statistics I heard might be encouraging.... 2nd marriages with step kids have a very high chance of divorce (higher than average), however if they survive something like 6 years they have a statistically significant higher chance of survival in the long run than a 1st marriage
The other one I heard is that if couples hang in during a rough patch (where divorce is considered) the majority of them report doing very well in their marriages 5 years later.
Hope that's encouraging. As the kids age and marry it usually gets easier.
I'm so sorry Saffron. I know what it's like to want want to even be at home. Whan ss lived with DH & I, I would go to the library after work until I knew DH was home. I did not want to be around SS24 at all. So, what did you end up doing yesterday?
I would imagine people
I would imagine people consider it first most of the time. How many people do you think wake up one morning and say, "I want a divorce!" and then go file it that day??
Saffron, whenever things blow
Saffron, whenever things blow up like they did today, yes, I very seriously think of leaving. I am just so tired. I want a (relatively) peaceful life. I don't want to dread weekends and home time. When it was just my bios and I, we of course had some conflict, but nothing like this. I miss the days when I felt like "I" had a place to come home to.
saffron, I am not in a good
saffron, I am not in a good financial position to walk away at the moment either but it is getting to the point that it won't matter. He wants to have a home the kids can always come back to. That wasn't made clear before we bought his place. I however mentioned I thought we'd sell it when they became adults. Guess he wasn't paying attention.
Good advice, sonrisa. That would work for me if they didn't still live here. What about momentous life events though, holidays, etc... Do they ALL end up sucking because of SS44?
In the past 2-3 months DH
In the past 2-3 months DH threatened divorce at least 1 every week or two due to my disengaging. I finally called him on it after the 3rd threat. I was DONE! I went to a solicitor and got some legal advice which empowered me in my own mind. He did not know about this and he doesn't need to know - I do not want to show my cards too early in the game. The solicitor helped me see that i was not in too bad of a financial situation - that helped a lot. Once he knew I would go through with it he backed off and has been really trying. I have NOT let my guard down though, since I believe that once SD figures out that her daddy wants his wife and his life, she will get more vindictive. The road will be rough in the weeks to come but I am prepared to walk and he knows it.
20years, good for you! Awful
20years, good for you! Awful we have to push that hard though. I thought DHs were supposed to care about us even before we threaten to leave but I guess that's not how it works.
Saffron, I too, moved to a
Saffron, I too, moved to a new country with DH ( if you caught my posts, you know ) sd21 had been livng with us before the move ( long story, useless, BM, the usual shit ) she came with us and it was a BIG mistake, fast forward, a year, and sd21 is returned to finish school in her home country. I, too, relished the space and freedom, and felt like my marriage was just between two people for the first time, not three or even four
( two skids )
What happened in reality, DH now always uses his trump card when we argue about the skids, that being he IS thousands of miles away and he misses them, blah, blah, the Guilty Dad syndrome, in full swing.... It trumps anything I could say, and if I did, I am just seen as the awful nasty, skid hating wife..... Sigh !! So distance for us, makes DH worse sometimes, it's his excuse AND reason for everything concerning them...
As, for Divorce, I have thought about it, but I feel like I am married to Jekyll and Hyde , 90% good DH..... 10% guilty Dad. When those numbers start to really slide, I will be making decisions, plus, the more time I spend WITHOUT the skids in front of me ( DH saw them EW ALWAYS, from Fri 6pm to Sun 8 pm !! ) it makes it five times as hard to EVEN imagine spending five minutes in their toxic company in the future.....
You should ask, how many SMs have an exit plan in place and are secretly saving money ready for it, I bet, the numbers are really high, I'm one of them.......
No it's not an option for me
No it's not an option for me (unless he cheats or leaves me) but I definitely considered moving away from his hostile family (w/o him) for awhile.
2 statistics I heard might be encouraging.... 2nd marriages with step kids have a very high chance of divorce (higher than average), however if they survive something like 6 years they have a statistically significant higher chance of survival in the long run than a 1st marriage
The other one I heard is that if couples hang in during a rough patch (where divorce is considered) the majority of them report doing very well in their marriages 5 years later.
Hope that's encouraging. As the kids age and marry it usually gets easier.
I'm so sorry Saffron. I know
I'm so sorry Saffron. I know what it's like to want want to even be at home. Whan ss lived with DH & I, I would go to the library after work until I knew DH was home. I did not want to be around SS24 at all. So, what did you end up doing yesterday?