I am in this situation right now. DH is Grandpa and I am.....nothing. Even though I've been in the skids' lives since they were very young.

My step grand children will have two biological grandmothers, two biological grandfathers, one step grandfather, and 3 step grandmothers. My DILs father was married three times, his second wife raised his girls, therefore she's still in their life...so there's me - stepmother to the father, then stepmother 1 and 2 to the mother....Here's our run down:

Father - BF:Pap SM(Me):Mam BM: Nanna SF: Poppa
Mother - BF:Pappy BM: Mammaw SM1: Grandma SM2: Grammy

It all works.

I am in this boat right now. I have 3 grand-babies by my daughter. All of them call me G'momma and they call DH G'Wayne. Now let me state my daughter and my son have never had an issue with DH nor has DH had and issue with my children or grandchildren. DH's oldest son is now expected the first grandchild (knocked up a married woman only after knowing her for 3 weeks). I have been left out of anything that is going on with this new grandchild because I am not accepted as family even before the recent events of us separating.

You know I have been so focused on everything else, I hadn't even sat back and thought about my g'babies. They love love love G'Wayne!!! How am I going to explain to them we are no longer together? Last they were at my house (3 weeks ago) DH was telling my oldest grand daughter "see that woman right there, that's the love of my life". It's going to be rather shocking, at least to the oldest one. Sad

Stepgrand calls DH Grampa. Calls BM Gramma. No big deal. Calls me Merry. To SD's credit, she DID ask what I would like to be called, and I said just leave it up to the Grand. He heard everybody else call me Merry, so that's what he calls me too. No complaints.

Love that little guy, and SD is good with that. I'm lucky.

Anon, I think you're worrying WAY in advance of anything. And over things you can't control anyway. So what if a skid names the grand after BM?

I was called grandma but last xmas my one little gift from the grands was labeled to my first name only by D
SD. That sent a powerful message - I am no longer considered grandma by SD. eh whatever, I couldn't cares less anymore. Years ago that would have devastated me, but disengaging emotionally has helped make me stronger.

To SD's dismay however, the grands still call me Grandma when they see me. They are sweet and her PAS hasn't worked yet.

Since dh and I were just dating when his grandson was a baby, he calls me by my first name which is fine. However, when MY daughters start having children, I admit...I'd rather my ex's wife only be called by her first name. She has her own children to be "grandma" to her own grandchildren. She was no more a part of my daughters lives when they were being raised as I was my SSs, so she's really not my girls' "stepmother"...probably more like just their father's wife as I am to my stepsons. I know I have no control over any of it and certainly whatever my girls decide I'll just keep my mouth shut and live with it, but, honestly, I won't like it. This woman had a 6 year affair with my ex while we were married, so the thought of her even BEING in my grandchildren's life disgusts me. But, again...I have no control.

All nine of my sgrands call me Grandma and that is what they and their parents choose to call me. My DH is their Grandpa, Papa or sometimes even Poppy, LOL. He is mostly called Papa, but the one SD wants her kids to call him Grandpa cuz she called my DH's father Papa and so she doesn't want her kids to use that name. Whatever. A few of the sgrands have several Grandmas in addition to my SKs mother, so they call me Grandma [my name]. Because of the child's mother, I am not close to that grandson. That is fine with me, I figure whatever is easiest for the sgrand to call me to make it easy for them. The ex wanted to be called Princes Grandma several years ago. Not sure if the sgrands called her that but last I heard the one grandson said it was stupid and he wasn't going to call her that!! I am pretty sure they call her Grandma Pam. I see several of sgrands on a weekly, sometimes daily basis so those ones call me Grandma. The ones I don't see regularly call me Grandma [my name]. Princess Grandma lives out of the country and doesn't come back to see her kids much so the sgrands don't really know her well. Several of them haven't even even met her since their Daddy wants nothing to do with his Mom for several years now. I did not have any children of my own so I treasure my close relationship with my sgrands and enjoy every moment I get to spend with them. Of course, I do realize that at any point in my life those sgrands could be blocked from being a part of my life by their parents (my skids) but I try not to worry about it til it happens.

DH has a grandkid who is 4.

>>>So should SKs throw separate parties so BM and DH don't have to see each other?<<<
DH will take gkid out on his own. No need for another party to be thrown by anyone.

>>>Who gets called what?<<<
DH is called Grandpa. BM is called Grandma. Simple.

>>>What do the SPs get to be called?<<<
I can't remember what gkid calls me. I have no idea what BM's husband is called. Nonissue for DH and me.

>>>What if BM wants to be called Grandma, and DH doesn't know that, but wants to be called Grandpa?<<<
Huh? What on earth does one have to do with the other?

Um, yeah, I decided what I would be called. And since I didn't want to be confused with the real grandparents i went way out there for a different name.

And I have to attend a multi-family party for each year that the birthday goes on. All the exes are there and their families. It's gggrreat. The "in-laws", the parents aren't married. Notta one of them speaks to me. Am considering boycotting this year. Why, why treat a birthday like a wedding? Have some cake at an aunt's house or Friendly's. It's just cheesy and tasteless to keep inviting people you never care to speak to all year to a rental decorated for baby just so you can get presents.

SGkids definitely bring a whole new twist

H's eldest now gets to use SGS as a tool to continue to plot ways to set me up to look bad

BM is grandma of course. BM has made it clear she has no issue with me being grandma either LOL. She has referred to me as Grandma Disillusioned along with everyone else. Except H's daughter that is, she initially made it clear that I was NOT Grandma anything, just Disillusioned.

Then she seemingly had a change of heart and began referring to me as Grandma Disillusioned as well. Didn't take me long to see how she was once again just trying to set me up...pretending to be on side but all along PASing SGS against me. Then when people question why SGS isn't close to me me H's daughter can play innocent like she had nothing to do with it, was even promoting me to SGS by referring to me as Grandma Disillusioned }:)

However, as far as birthdays, etc... we all get to together for SGS's birthdays etc... H and I along with H's family, SSIL's family of course and BM and her family. There are no issues with anyone getting along, other than ones where H's daughter is concerned. BM's SO won't attend because of H's daughter. But other than him, we all go and SGS has his Grandparents and step-grandparents all at the event celebrating together

I think it's better for the children including grown Skids if everyone can get together and get along this way...

So, My H and I have been married for over 20 years. I bring 3 kids to the mix and he brings 1. They are all adults now and the kida all get a long quite well. My 3 kids area ll married and have children. My husband is their only grandpa on this side since my ex left me and my kids and never returned. So he is totally out of the picture. My kids call my husband dad and consider him their father and their kids his grandchildren. My step on the other hand has always been close to me, but also pampers his BM. She has been a nasty woman throuhgout the years and done some very manipulative stuff. We haven't had to see her for years. Recently, a older con-artist desfunctional woman moved in with ss and got pregnant. Now we get to have Birthdays for sk which includes ss BM. I dread it more than I can say. I can't stand my ss girl friend and she is one of the most two faced phony people I seriously have ever met, She actually ammuses me, but I prefer not to be around her games. It just sucks to have to fake niceness to people who make your skin crawl. I'm too old for this shit.

I think its a good idea to use "Grandma myfirstname" and "Grandpa hisfirstname".  That way the inlaws or BM can be just Grandma or Grandpa or whatever they choose.  If we were invited to BD parties, we went but usually, it seemed like we either weren't invited or invited at a different non-party time than BM. SD made sure we always felt welcome because she knew we always brought nice gifts. The SGKDs seem to treat me like their real grandma and I feel the same about them.  My parity policy is strong here: same amount to each GK, whether his or mine. The GKs haven't been an issue.

No one but the individual decides what they are called by their GKs or GSkids.  How anyone else feels about that does not and should not matter.

IMHO of course.

My parents were Gramma and Grampa to my SS and my Niece.  But they now have their unique and special GP titles.  My eldest nephew named them both.  When he was first learning to talk he could not say GrandMa and it came out "Deema".  Dad naturally became "Deepa".  From that moment... they have been called by those titles and will be known by those titles for all time.  I am confident that they will have those titles on their memorial stones.

My youngest brother has his nik name on his memorial stone benieth his full name.

I think it is a family thing at this point.

If my ILs or my brother's ILs were to inform us and the GKs that the were to be referred to as Deema and Deepa it would be world war three, just as if someone tried to have my parents called something else by their GKs.

I really couldn't give a shit what someone else would want to be call me, they call me what they are told to call me regardless of who may be giving them other ideas..