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Skid gifts

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

Submitted by Bio-Step-Mom on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:10pm

Based on a conversation I had with someone...

Would you care if BM and DH agreed that gifts she's gotten the kids would be signed with both her and DHs names?

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:28pm

Depends on exactly what you mean. If BM and Dad decided to buy , say a car, for daughter's 16th birthday (each paying half and each approving of the final selection), no problem in letting daughter know this is a joint gift from BM and Dad. I would think though that BM and Dad could manage to buy a birthday card and individually sign. I'd be a bit put out if my Dad didn't sign a card himself.

On the otherhand, if you mean, Dad tosses money BM's way and BM does all the shopping and personal selecting and then signs 'love Dad and Mom'? If I were the SM/SO other in this scenario I'd be wondering why SO/DH couldn't exert himself enough to personally choose gifts on his own. I'd also wonder how the child would be feeling when she/he learns Dad couldn't be bothered and just let BM handle it all. Part of the gift is the caring and the thought put into it and if BM did it all , what was Dad but a checkbook?

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

Submitted by Bio-Step-Mom on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:30pm

In this scenario she said DH couldn't afford a birthday gift (a dad who really can't afford to live on what's left after CS) so bm put from mom and dad on the gift

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:43pm

Hmmm, that is a bit different. I suppose if Dad agreed to it prior to happening, but seems weird to me. If Dad's comfortable with it and BM offered to do it that way, I suppose Dad could look at it as his CS did help pay for present. I don't see why this would be something a SM/SF to get upset about though. Though as the SM/SO I think I would have helped Dad come up with a way to 'gift' his child on his own that didn't cost a lot of money and was something kid/Dad could share together celebrating the occasion without involving the BM. Is Dad even going to be there when kid gets the presents? Also weird to me.

However as the child, if my father did all he could to support me and be a good father, I'd be happy enough if Dad just gave me the 'gift' of his time for my birthday. Something special between parent/child. Even if it were a day of fishing and an ice cream cone after. As the child, a gift would mean more coming from Dad's heart and time than just his name on a card of presents BM selected and purchased.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

Submitted by Bio-Step-Mom on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:31pm

I couldn't place my own feelings about it. Lol.

I don't know if, as a SM if it would bother me...personally I would never put my exes name on anything because he owes me $75K but...

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 7:39pm

I wouldn't care. It actually is kind of nice of BM to include him even though he can't afford it.

BM over here would NEVER do that. In fact, she would make sure to let SD know that her father had NOTHING to do with it and that he is the biggest loser of all losers. I would fall over if she tried making a nice gesture like that.

I just hope she would not try to use it against him in the future, otherwise, it would not bother me.