We left our home for one night to go to the lake
My husband and I went away for one night up to the lake with some friends (all day Saturday/night and then returning home Sunday afternoon). My husband has two sons who are 20 and 19 (thdy do not live with us but live very close). My husband let both sons know we were going out of town and told them they could have access to our home. My husband told the boys that he did not want any partying at the house but they were free to use the house and our pool. In addition, my husband scheduled a 40 year old adult friend of ours to be there on Saturday night for a while to make sure everything was going smoothly.
It was my opinion that the house should be locked up and no one over but my husband said that the boys are both old enough and should be given an opportunity to prove themselves and it would be good for their self-confidence that we would leave them with access to the house while we are gone showing that we trusted them.
On a positive note, I must admit that when we came home the house was as immaculate as we left it. I have no problem with that.
However, outside were two recycle bins filled with empty beer bottles and a wine bottle. Obviously drinking took place while we were gone. I've questioned people and everyone has told me that no "wild party" went on at the house, simply a couple of their friends came over and they just sat around the patio and drank. Again, time and time and time again, I have told my husband I don't approve of the boys over drinking at our home.
This is a constant source of stress/tension for me because my husband wants his kids around all the time, says he'd rather them drink safetly at our house in a nice environment, says that when he was their age, his dad let him drink with him, etc., etc.
Should I just chill out and drop this whole thing???
P.S. The boy's mother, who they both "live with" recently had her water shut off. The boys are coming over using our shower, our laundry (now mind you, if I'm in the middle of doing laundry, MY laundry has been taken out and/or stopped to accommodate THEIR laundry), they regularly wash their cars at our house using our supplies, then the whole issue of my husband saying it's his responsiblity to make sure his boys are fed so the food consumption with a 20 and 19 years old you can imagine. Our utility bills are through the roof. My husband is a very giving and generous person by nature. He would give anybody anything especially his sons who he loves dearly. My husband feels my attitude over the whole situation is a poor one and that I am just being "selfish" as he told me with my way of thinking. Do I just need to chill out and keep my mouth shut and let him handle his two boys and have no say so at all? I would like some honest thoughts.
You can b held criminally and
You can b held criminally and civilly responsible if one of those kids gets hurt, dies, or hurts someone else while drinking in your home.
Maybe you should not say
Maybe you should not say anything about the weekend and just leave it alone. Just let this one go since they did just have a few friends over and didn't go crazy. But remind your DH that they are under age and you do not want any drinking b/c you both would get into trouble if someone found out. That way you can take some of the blame off of you as well. I know that it is the chicken way to go about it, but at least you can take a break on this one this time.
At 19 and 20, BM's water
:jawdrop: At 19 and 20, BM's water being shut off shouldn't matter. They're old enough to afford their own water along w/ their own electricity, cable, phone, and oh yeah PLACE TO LIVE! I bet if they were paying BM some sort of rent or perhaps each taking over a bill (say 19 y.o. pays trash and water, 20 y.o. pays elec or whatever else) then it wouldn't have happened. But no, poor, poor adult children of divorce; their parents owe them until they die and even sometimes after.
Agree 100%.
Agree 100%.
I agree with Echo on this. I
I agree with Echo on this. I would throw a straight-up TANTRUM!
Are they under age? They
Are they under age? They would be legal where I grew up so I guess it depends on where you live. Since they kept it in check and cleaned up and acted responsibly, I would let the weekend go.
The water thing is an annoyance, those boys are old enough to be working and helping their mother out as far as utilities go if they are living there - but that is her problem. It becomes your problem that they are using your house now for this... I'd talk to your DH and tell him unacceptable that they move your laundry and wash their cars.
If they have to do laundry at your house - have a set day\time - no exceptions
If they want to wash their cars - they can pay for that at a facility.
I didn't grow up in the
I didn't grow up in the states
It was 18 where I lived.
Sounds to me other than drinking, they were being responsible. They didn't leave the yard littered with garbage and none of the neighbors complained, just a bunch of friends having a pool weekend. I'd let it go.
If the drinking is the main focus, then a sit down with them about not drinking on premisis may be in order - but I wouldn't make a big stink.
My honest thought is I would
My honest thought is I would not chill, and I would not keep my mouth shut. The whole ridiculous situation you describe is not something I would put up with in my own home. My DH is generous with his adult kids as well, but even he has boundaries.
Your DH being OK with an underage drinking party has me speechless.
I'm a bit surprised by some
I'm a bit surprised by some of the responses I have received above. I guess my point is I plain and simple don't appreciate people (my husband's minor sons) using our home to drink in while we are away from the premises (however harmless it is).
You are right not to
You are right not to appreciate it, & you would be ignorant to accept it. It is NOT harmless. To accept it risks your home, your finances, your future, & very possibly a life or lives.
Laws are laws. Minors are minors. Should anything happen to anyone as a result of underage drinking, the parents) of the underage criminals are held accountable. Parents are held accountable for the actions of their minor children.
Your DH needs to seriously consider what could've happened & what he/you stand to lose if he refuses to take this any less than very seriously.
Frankly I'm surprised at the
Frankly I'm surprised at the house being immaculate and the only evidence of them being there was the bottles in the trash can. I'd say those kids did very well except for the drinking.
The drinking is a big deal though, if your husband wants to drink with his underage sons, in my state that is perfectly legal. It is not legal to provide alcohol to other people's underage children, ridiculous as the laws may be, that's what they are.
Your husband sounds like a people pleaser, I hope it does not get to the point of someone being harmed and you and he held responsible before he opens his eyes and acts like a responsible adult.
I remember you on here with
I remember you on here with the same problem before. You have to decide if you can live with the risk. Your DH doesn't want to say no to those "boys." You seem like you have no power in this relationship. How come?