Update and a little OT
Dh's "SD" (see other posts for details came over and I decided to chat with her a little so that if she shows her true colors later dh and her can't play the "I'm shunning her" card. She told me enough info re: giving up her kid that I think that though she should've done so when he born, he's better off with whatever family he has now...she's just not ready for parenthood. She came by today to take dh to ice cream for fathers day and she signed the card with her sister..."your daughers...___ and ____." Why the "your daughers?" (skid who's in prison has done the same thing with "your son"____. Like to they need to remind themselves or dh??? idk. She got all gussied up to take him. So idk quite what to make of her...she can be polite to me but idk if I want her around a lot. She and her dh may be moving to another county. I sincerely hope so!!! I was supposed to be taking an online test but had to reschedule-and things were rushed so I parked right on the inside of the driveway.-trying to save a little bit of time. Dh threw a fit about her parking on the street and moves my car telling me I'm inconsiderate. Yet when they go to ice cream they take dh's car and guess where she moved the car to? YUP the STREET.
OT....dh drives for meals on wheels. We get spring water delivery since a reverse osmosis system under the sink would take up too much space. Dh was howling that we are going through the water too fast but yet was taking along bottles of water for an elderly guy who rides with him (dh has a bad back and has trouble doing it all alone). This guy makes more for himself than our family does, has a lower PG&E bill (dh was saying he runs HIS swamp cooler and it only runs HIM $60!!!!!!!) YEAH the dude probably gets a huge discount and likely has a smaller place. Yet he can't handle taking his own water????? When I mentioned the cost and that we cant afford other peoples drinking water bills he tells the guy by throwing me under the bus. Guy apparently responded by saying something to the effect of he'd pay for a jug. I dont recall exactly how dh put it but I wonder if the guy was being snarky. If so, it's like, excuse me for struggling to afford my own crap much less YOURS.
Gaslighting and hypersensitivity
It sounds like your husband has the "I win" attitude when it comes to arguing. There is no consistent set of guidelines with money. When my husband says, "we need to cut back on our spending" it really means, "YOU need to cut back on YOUR spending." I just ignore it. Regarding the sskids signing "Your daughter," it sounds like they don't feel loved by their father or they are afraid of losing his love. I am also praying that my stepson and his wife move out of state. It would make all of the holidays alot less conflict-filled.
Well I don't ignore it, I
Well I don't ignore it, I point out where he's being a hypocrite. Cuz I dont wanna hear his lectures when he's tossing money at people who are perfectly capable of buying their own crap. Idk why they'd feel that way...dh hasn't done anything to my knowledge to make them insecure. Though why he OR THEY feel so strongly after so many years without seeing them after he broke up with their mother is beyond me.