Here's my advice: don't ask about the kids. Let him tell you what he wants to tell you. Anything else will feel like prying. I know, it sounds ridic, but here's what's going on: your husband's already figured out that he can't change the situation he's gotten both of you into. He has to downplay drama to feel better about having booked passage on the Titantic. As his wife, your lifeboat is going to be stepping into a new future, a future where you DON'T CARE anymore. You will feel alot better when you stop trying, stop helping, stop asking, just stop caring. This will SAVE YOU. Don't do anything extra, anything more, not a single finger to help them anymore. They treat you exactly the way your husband permits them to treat you and what you will tolerate. Practice saying things like, "what did you just say to me?" and "who do you think you're talking to?" to get them to get in the habit of zipping their nasty comments. I've successfully gotten the lying, loser creep of a stepson who lives (and works!) with us to simply sigh deeply. Works for me: he's got until January 31, 2012 to find a new place to live and I don't care if he lives under a bridge so long as it's not with me. I DON'T CARE that he hates me, blames me, etc. It's perfectly fine if my husband wants to spend time with him after he moves out because he won't have me to kick around anymore. I wish your husband was stronger. Since he's not, you'll have to be. Don't permit the least little bit or rudeness. Stand up for yourself since he won't. Get a good support network of friends. Work on the relationship that you have with your husband as if the kids didn't exist. You may find trust returning if he feels you are on his side and visa versa. Right now, you might be feeling like he's hiding from you and he might feel like he has to. He feels caught in the middle and probably guilty to the kids as well as to you since you got way more than you bargained for when you signed that marriage certificate. My husband has fuzzy boundaries so I can't be surprised at the mess we're in. I love him but wish I had found someone who didn't have kids. Would have made my life so much simpler and happier. Good luck.

This is right. You have to not care. I did EVERYTHING I could for 9 years to treat skids exactly like my own kids, sometimes better. I totally chased them to make them love me, feel like part of a big happy blended family, went out of my way to make their fave foods every time they were here, holiday traditions, invited them over, sent care packages, ... sd turned on me out of the blue for no reason (reason = bm and sds bipolar but...) so I simply stopped caring and it was HARD! I stopped asking if she called. and she stopped calling. Every time I brought up something dh might have talked to her about it gave him an idea and he'd text her. when I stopped. he also stopped. and sd hasn't contacted us in months.

I did cave and invited everyone to Christmas and this will absolutely be the last time. She'll either treat us respectfully and contact us regularly or we may never see her again. which completely stinks.

i can't even decide if i want bangs or not! i'll be damned if I'm inking anything on my bod!