Adult SKids Issues Bad Influnce on My Bio Kids
My four oldest stepchildren have a series of emotional, drug, alcohol and psychological issues that have started to negatively affect my 4 bio kids and my younger 2 skids. I come from a big, loving and semi-strict family with rules and consequences and guidance, where the skids were essentially ignorned by their mother and allowed to do, come and go as they please. This has resulted in 2 of them attempting suicide, teen pregnancies, extensive drug use and some of them being 302'd in hospital psychiatric wards. My DH is a good man but due to the extensive lies and "brainwashing" against DH by his former wife, they all have trust, self-esteem and dependency issues; especially when it comes to him and their other relationships. They hate her but use her for whatever they can get from her. How do I keep "welcoming" these children/adults into my home and exposing the younger skids and my bio kids to them and their behaviors? These are things I've always wanted to protect my kids from.
He is, but they are his kids
He is, but they are his kids and he loves them, despite their issues. It's crazy at times, but I'm trying to work with him on it. The sad thing is he really is a great person, but they don't, or won't see it.
By the way I love your quote "I am afraid of a world run by adults that never were spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating". I may use that as a FB status....
These are heavy issues. You
These are heavy issues.
You can only help those that want to help themselves. If your older skids want to be helped, then help them, but their bioparents and the children themselves have a responsibility to this. Also you may need to acknowledge that some of those skids may be beyond help.
Your Biokids are your priority, protect and guide them where you can. You may have to cut out any influence of the skids on them.
Wow,not a nice situation at all.
Thank you. I struggle with
Thank you. I struggle with feeling selfish a bit when it comes to protecting them. It's nice to know my instincts are right.
You stop allowing them in
You stop allowing them in your home. Sorry, no other way. I saw loser going down the deep end quick. I told DH he was free to see her, we could all even go out together, but NOT in my home…Sorry, I was NOT going to allow someone' else's shitty parenting impact my son.
I take a more moderate
I take a more moderate approach, but I think my situation is more moderate as well so take this with a grain of salt. I have 3 skids - 22, 20 and 17. DH and I have 3 young bios together - 5, and 2 year old twins. I worry about the "influence" of my skids but I also don't want to keep my bios away from their siblings.
Now, as for my skids, there's no drug use or illegal activity. Teen pregnancies for 2 of them, dead end jobs, loser boyfriends - but nothing illegal. It is most definitely NOT the example I want to set for my kids, but I also don't want to prevent them from having a relationship with their sisters. So I allow the skids to come over, but I also emphasize to my bios (in age appropriate language, mostly to the 5 year old) what is expected of them. They WILL go to college. They WILL get married before having kids. *shrug* It's about the best I can do, and hope that MY example carries more weight than that of their sisters.
This is one of my all time
This is one of my all time bugbears. I was expressing worries about it a couple years ago on this site when StepAside advised me to stop pussyfooting around and tell my older son (then 13 or 14) a little bit about what the problem was with the skids' manipulations, in an age appropriate way. This sort of thing goes against the grain when you have all the blended family ideas shouting in your ear mentally, but where the skids are toxic it is absolutely the child protection issues that have to come first and when I put SA's advice into action it paid real dividends immediately. I strongly recommend handing out careful and tailored warnings against the crap; not bitching, just warnings and information points.