Too Old
I raised my stepdaughter from 5 years old, she is 34 now and has a baby now. I have always treated her like she was my own, (I don't have any children), and taught her to respect her biological mother that she saw several times a year.
Her father and I had a tremendous amount of interference from family members while raising her so needless to say we were always the bad guys until she was an adult then everyone saw what we were talking about. However by this time she was a product of everyone's doting.
She grew up sad and longing for her mother. I did everything I could for her and supported any activites she wanted to be involved with. I did everything except birth her.
I have always been there financially and emotionally for anything she and my grandchild need regardless of what is going on in my life.
In the last several years her Mother now lives near and they are in each other lives. I'm happy for them both.
Problem is now I just feel used when she needs help with something. I never get called to go shopping, we have never been invited over for dinner. The last straw has been I recently helped with a big party (Mom was a no show). NO thank you, again. Then she invites Mom over for a birthday dinner.
Honestly, she is very self centered and has problems with anyone she lives with. She always finds fault and is constantly complaining, I am just tired of being around it and feeling the way I do.
Any suggestions? I would talk to her but it would not change anything so I have been keeping my distance.
It sounds like you are the
It sounds like you are the mom to her. And maybe at this point BM is more like a friend. Mom's are so taken for granted. I am ashamed to say that I wasn't always the most considerate and grateful daughter and I took my very awesome mom who was there for me in every way possible for granted for years of my early adult life. At 34, though, I can't promise that I never hurt her or disappointed her, but I know I was more aware of my actions.
Do you think this might be the case with her?
I agree with this analysis
I agree with this analysis completely. I know I did it to my mom!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
on Used Up, don't feel bad.
on Used Up, don't feel bad. There are a lot of us going thru the same thing: case in point: married 20 years to hubby I have 3 kids he has 2. His 2 live in this area, hubby gone to Iraq for a year. This past holiday season I sat alone at my house because the ring leader step dtr who is 31, invited everyone else to her home for the holidays BUT me. Sometimes I think Step dtrs just have anger issues and direct them at the wrong person. I believe we step moms wear targets. I wish things were not like this, but you know.....people are petty and dysfunctional as heck. Try not to get your feelings hurt, I try also, but it is hard. This step dtr of mine has admitted she hates me since before her dad and I were married, so evil and mad she left death threats on my cell phone. Sometimes it is better to cut ties, and unfortunatley, not everyone is kind. Hang in there, God has better plans for us!
I don't think so. Like her
I don't think so. Like her father she has a nack for not admitting to being wrong for her actions. I deal with it. Oh yes, anyone will tell you I am her Mother and with the "big" life issues, she calls me. I give advice as best I can but a lot of times I know she has brought the situation on herself and just doesn't see it. Hey, I want to be in my grandsons life so I don't dare rock the boat. He's young and will have his own life before you know it. I'm enjoying the part I never had.
We have played this cat and mouse game before but I'm tired of feeling used and the BM popping in for all the glory - everytime. I suppose Moms take what they can get. I know I regret being a brat sometimes with my Mother.
Is it wrong for not being constantly convenient anymore?
"Is it wrong for not being
"Is it wrong for not being constantly convenient anymore?"
----------> No way... all kids have to grow up at some point. Can't lean on Momma forever! That is called "cutting the apron strings" and you are supposed to do it! Unfortunatly you have a guilty, absentee BM that is following right behind you tying them right back up for her in a nice little bow.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
"Is it wrong for not being
"Is it wrong for not being constantly convenient anymore?"
That's exactly what my mom still does when she thinks I've gotten to big for my britches. She lets me "grow into them" all by my lonesome, hehe. She knows I'll always come around.
If you're the one she turns to for big life issues, then you know you're the mom. You have cemented your place in her life, regardless of what her flakey BM does. Your SD knows who her rock is. Kids will always dump on their parents. I think as steps though we take it harder because we don't have the reassurance of unconditional love that even the crappiest BM has.
(I have a feeling I'm going to need reminding of this in 20 years!)
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the advice. I have vowed to get a life and stay HAPPY. I just need to do it. ~ smiles ~
It's a big step, we all beed
It's a big step, we all beed to follow in your foot steps and stay happy, let's all just do it! And for all those step dtrs who wanna kill me, check your weapons at the door please....wipe your feet. Lol