I'm so sorry. Glad you are sticking to your guns!

So am assuming from you post you have thrown your sd out of your house and your DH is threatening to leave?

Tell him to go with her than. Seriously.

You are upset now but someday you will be grateful that you never have to listen to that liar drama queen ever again.

Help this forum is the only thing keeping me sane tonight.
Excuse briefness ... On iPhone. Met DH 6 yrs ago . April fools day. At this moment feeling like a fool.
Married 5 yrs. Just after he had transplant surgery that saved his life. He
Has three D 31, 29, 27. I have S 29, D27, S25. None of his D have ever
Accepted me into their fathers life. Even though I moved 2hrs away
And left my work to come take care of him. None were around to help with him
During his recovery. But they were all hovering like turkey vultures while
In hospital. He recovered, we got married and built a modest 1 bdrm home
Which we work hard to keep nice. His D's hardly come visit at all.
Now the. SD29 just got out of jail where she was held for 30 days for the extradition to our state
To be done. On fraud charges. She is in a $hit storm of debt and deception.
And has moved in on us along with her cat with not notice. DH feels sorry for her
And wants to help her get her life back together. The night after he bailed her out her
BFriend drove the cat and a car load of boxes up to dump on us. Then took his girlfriend
To a hotel for two nights. She shown up on my doorstep with her cat that stayed at the hotel, after DH went to
work. All cryin and sad. She sat in my garage for the whole week not even coming upstairs
The first day and a half to even say boo to me. I had told here I did not appreciate her disrespect from the weekend of not coming back here to stay. We even cooked a nice meal for them and the were a no show. Texted that they were going to eat out and too tired to come back.
The week went by with her living in my garage letting her cat run over all my things, it is also my studio to work in. We have two declawed older cats and an elderly dog. I do not want her cat loose in my stuff or house.
Anyway I digress. DH took off work for Fri. Drive her down thurs nite to pack up her rental house. That she can no longer afford. Told her ahead of time he did not want to see the boyfriend that disrespected us in our own home last weekend. So she was there about 30 min b4 the guy shows up and takes her back to his house to have a final visit with his cats. Leaves her dad at her place. Text later she is too tired to come back.
My DH did not tell me about it first time I talked to him. He told me at midnite. I was/am livid. She has no appreciation or respect. I was already having my doubts. This confirmed. Told him not To bring her back here.
Went round and round on it. She has a hearing on wed he wants to see she gets to or he will lose the bail bond. They moved her stuff into a storage unit and got back here late. I did not have a warm reception. She did not even come up to see me or apologize. She broke my rule about letting the cat loose. When I went to let my dog go out for the nite and told her to put the cat away she gave me the smug fu look and said her dad said she could have it out. I told her she had alot of nerve for what she did to her dad last Nite. She knows I do not want her here and she sad she isn't going anywhere, her dad said she could stay and that he said to her he doesn't care what I feel about it. And she will let her cat out whenever she wants.
She is a manipulative, lying B----who is Now messing with my marriage. And giving me a fu look while doing it. Of course I wake him up to tell him what she said. Twice he did nothing tonight. Says he will talk to her tomorrow. I know he is exhausted. I told him to put her in a hotel till the hearing if he want to feel guilty for the mess she made . Just get her out of here. So frustrated.

Lost In Space. You did the right thing. Stay firm. Don't make excuses that hubby is exhausted. You are fine!

Towanda thank you for your support. Funny that I just watched Fried Green Tomatos last night to get my mind off this before they got here. Good user name!
Yes I need to not make excuses. His is more rested today than I am after 2 hrs fitful sleep and reading this site all night. He 'talked' to her this morning. I did not say boo to her yet today. I could over hear her say something about her cat not having space to run about...why don't I lock my dog up in the box(very nice roomy custom built cat condo that our cats have been booted out of and now have to have the litter pan and their food in the middle of my house). Instead of telling her it is not her place to dictate what pets go where in our house, he is justifing with a story about when my dogs first came here because the older one was sick and had an incontenience problem and couldn't make it up the stairs that both the dogs had to stay in a small area in the garage to be near the dog door. WTF...it is none of her business and she only wants what she wants. Our house is small, easy to overhear what is said in garage under the bedroom. They went round and round...I went back at him when he came up to tell me the next sad story...he is not hearing me. Now she is setting up a mini fridge and microwave in my garage so she can avoid coming upstairs. And he is allowing it...after I said no.
She went out for a few things and was texting him that 'she is not on her mental meds and can't take this stress of me saying something to her (last night) that she dwells on it and can't handle it, she needs her mini fridge set up". Then she does not respond to his text so he worries about her. So of course she gets her way...shows up not long after and hauls her fridge out of her car into my garage. She is setting up camp. Making me to be the bad guy. He is saying I should not bicker with her. I haven't said more that 10 words to her since she got back! Now I am not allowed to talk in my own house. ( I will confess...I am very stressed...the sarcasm and smart retorts were flowing this morning.) If she is that stressed and mental then get her out of here to a clinic!
I am freaking out inside. I was sobbing and he's asking me what's wrong....duh! I took to my bed and cried some more while he was finding her extension cords and stuff. Thankfully my dear daughter called to try to cheer me up and it helped some. I rallied and took the dog for a walk. I informed DH that when I got back I will have my lunch and then plan to spend the rest of the day in MY garage studio. He asked if I was doing that on purpose. Really? I said I am doing it because I have a deadline for a painting that I am behind on ( due to all this drama)...He said he would tell her to be out of her 'camp'.
I don't feel like being creative. But if all I do is glue glitter to a piece of paper I will have some sense of power and accomplishment back in my day.
On top of everything....his other dear daughter the younger one with the 1yr old baby wants him to drive to her house to take care of her dog this afternoon because she is working. One hour round trip at least.
I am having deep resentment at this moment. I am losing trust and respect because of this mess.
What to do?
Trying to go on with my day...my sweet BGD is going to call me on face time this evening...
Is this a hill to die on?
Or a hill to just dig in and make a stand on?
He will not committ to a date for her to be out. It depends on her fraud court hearing...if that is not dismissed she will not be able to work in this state...or maybe anywhere but flipping burgers. If it goes away she has a job offer that would start April 9th. Can I hold out till then? What if that doesn't work out? Just give me a firm day...Enough is enough. How can he be willing to screw our marriage this way?
He says he would try to help any of our children. I explained I would not allow any of mine to treat him this way or us this way. And they would not because they have been raised not to. I would have kicked one of my own out if I helped them and then they ditched me during the process the way she did to DH.
Thank you for the chance to vent...it will take a marriage counselor to fix this and set up rules for the next time it comes around. Sad, because before this I thought we had a great marriage. Now I just feel betrayed and blindsided. Unvalidated and dismissed.
I am still firm that she needs to leave. But apparently he has yet to see the light. Until then nothing but misery.

Thank you for the advice. The hearing was today...trial in June....more lies, more crying, more threats of if you kick me out so you don't have to fight with your wife then you will lose me and the two sisters forever. Really would it be that easy? It has been horrible, horrible, horrible ever since he bailed her out of jail. First mistake, or second...talking to her in jail was first. We don't really have a guest room...I designed a small one bedroom house on purpose. So no one would move in on us. We have a guest nook in the downstairs walk out half basement/half garage for brief overnight visits from my family. This is the first time one of his ever stayed here and she moved in without my permission! I put money into this house too from the sale of my own home. WTF. The downstairs was supposed to be my art space. Then I found I could not leave my work in the room with the two cats he had when I married him so it is a nice room with my sofas from my old house, a fireplace and a private bath for the nook, and my elliptical which i haven't used since she came here. I was in the process of setting up my space in my side of the garage when she took over his side of it for her cat lounge area terrorist insurgent camp. It is right under my bedroom so I don't even want to sleep in my room with the bad karma and fueng shui whatever.
She is afraid to come upstairs and he allowed her to set up a mini fridge and microwave down there. I kept my distance to get to the hearing date on Wed. She is afraid I will yell at her if she comes up stairs. Damn straight I will...
She was stringing us along with the job that was supposedly offered to her. Now that is gone up in smoke like puff the magic dragon... and she's got her BF and his mother ( the ones who packed her sh__ _ and dumped her here) both texting DH to say can't you give her a chance for six more weeks to get some mental help! What kind of Dad are you to kick her out?
Plus he learns she is being investigated for another thing in the other state related to falsifying her work records. She will never get her prof lic back!
Did I mention Wed was horrible. I think he is starting to see the light....he told her she needs to go stay with her sister and she of course flipped on him...I will not bore you all with the details....you have read or heard it all before.
He cried himself to sleep....dosen't understand why...feels bad for her.... it is all her own doing...everyday a new lie uncovered.
It is over for me...I never want to see any of them or even hear what they are doing.
I'm not imagining this sabotoge of my marriage am I. In a week and a half I have lost the respect and trust for my husband and the sanctuary of my home. I have been victimized by this person I did not know moving in like a tornado with malicous and intent to stay as long as she wants or it suits her purpose. If I could type enough to
describe it all you would be as shocked as I feel now. All of my peeps think this is absurd. I have divorced two husbands for lesser things! Ok...they were serious things but ya know what I mean!
How do I get her out of my house?
Please help...any wisdom?
Do I have to go ape sh_ _ on her? Would need witnesses...
He said he may call off work Thurs...please do...get this finished!

Ps. I have stopped cooking...I have changed..."he has never seen this side of me". Well that is because we got along just fine before this....we never had such a disagreement....I was never pushed to the wall this way!
I would like to leave and take a break with my family that live away from here...but I don't want to leave her in my house with my financial records or anything else.
I won't even leave her alone in the house with my dog! I do not trust her at all.
thanks again for this site and imput.
Good luck with all your stepkids
The quotes people put are so true and help relieve the stress some.
May we all have peace in our own homes!

Update:
The sneaky B is out of my house! Hurrah! We generously are putting her up in a small apartment near her new job for a couple months. It will be money well spent, though still missed. I had to cancel going to an event due to the drain on the finances for the little princess. Even on the morning of the move and appointment to sign the lease the little darling was trying to not show, had gone to spend night in a hotel with the boyfriend and her cat. I was in a fine panic...thinking she would screw it up.
But finally got her out of here!
Now she is bad mouthing me to my DH by text and phone at every opportunity.
I am upset with him that he did not defend our marriage and me against her insults and desrespect. She is using emotional blackmail tactics, saying she will have nothing to do with him until he divorces me. Please....
So DH and I who never had a serious argument in 5 years of marriage now must go to marriage counseling due to the strife she brought into our home and the distrust I gained for him in the way he handled it all.
Waiting for DH to get a spine.
Disengaging from the lot of his daughters.
Will focus on my own children, family and interests.
It will still be a difficult time to see where the two of us end up....but I know one thing....she nor any of his daughters will ever move into my house without
it being a knock down drag out....someone will have to hit me to keep me from tossing them all on the street as they are trying to move in. Either way...PFA to keep them out...it 's all good then.
Having her move into my home against my consent with her own plan and agenda was the most horrible experience of my life...worse than a previous nasty divorce....still having nightmares about the little bitch.
Thankfully I have wonderful women in my family and friends who have been supportive and helped me make it thru this time. I started taking a Zumba class. I did alot of walking....lost a little weight...feeling pretty strong.
Stick to your princilples. Don't let anyone tell you how to run your own life in your own home. Don't let them make you feel invisible. Stand up for what you believe!

Sorry Sweetass, I know exactly how you feel. My own DH is exactly the same. His daughter is plain evil and he found every excuse in the book for her, but most of these excuses started with, "Well If You" No matter what she did he excused it and found a way of making me to blame for it. I finally banned her from my home 8 months go - thank God she is out of my life.

The thing that I will never understand, these men know what the problem is, they see their daughters are going through life making enemies, and instead of taking daughter aside and saying look, you are an ill mannered ungrateful self centered obnoxious little cow with an over inflated sense of entitelment (in a nice way of course) and helping these women to see were they are going wrong in life, they help keep them in this mess by defending them and therefore sending the daughters a loud and clear message - You are right my Princess it is okay to be rude, to lie, to cheat to steal, to be rude, to be obnoxious and everything else. They are deliberately making sure their daughters never fit in society, and they say that "We don't like their daughters" hells bells, I think they must hate their daughters because what parent would like to see their child behave this way if they really loved them.

But worst of all, they REWARD and reinforce this behaviour by givingg their daughters 1st Prize, the ultimate gift, the thing they crave most of all, well at the moment anyway, they destroy their marriages in an effort to keep daughters happy. So glad you are being strong about this.

I totally understand about other family members involved and speaking the lies she has prob. told them instead of seeing you for the true person you are they only see and hear what she has said to them and judge you for her actions rather than asking you your side such bs my husbands family hates my guts because of the lies and manipulation from my SD. they also are growing no respect for my husband because of her. we don't get invited to there family functions because of all the drama she has caused and the lies she's told about us. i totally feel your frustration just goes to say that if they are willing to believe the lies than they to are just as trashy as she. and you don't need to be around people like that shut them out of your life is my advice just have no contact if your husband wants to be around them than go ahead let him. And why is it that these stepchildren always pull the whole she's crazy she's this she's that bit?? it is them who are the problem not you always remember that.

one thing that i did the other day was i printed out my own forum on here and let my husband read the reactions of others it showed him what's really going on and gave him a new prospective on our situation with his daughter my SD he read every bit plus other stories and saw that yes i'm not the crazy one! it worked for us just hope that he continues to remember that.

I hear you wowthisishard. My DH is always telling me I should not let everything that happened get to me. But he is afraid to tell his DD off because she has ' mental issues'. He just wants to help her. Meanwhile I am developing ' stress issues' from it all. I am still having nightmares about the Bx?ch that was living here. When those go away maybe I will feel safe in my own home again. Presently I do not care if I ever see anyone in his family ever again. My life will not be poorer for the absence of any of them. No one has contacted me at any time during this ordeal and asked how am I doing? Not even his parents who I thought I got along with. So I understand the deal breaker if anyone is allowed into the home that has disrespected you. I have the same deal. And if I ever see that look on anyone's face again. I just may walk across the room and slap them. Just maybe. But since they are not allowed in my home ever again and I do not plan to put myself in their presence then the only place that could happen is in a public place or hospital if my DH were to become ill again. I hope your DH is better now. Before we got married my DH was in the hospital and gravely ill. He needed an organ transplant to save his life. Of course all the DD's were hovering about like turkey buzzards. And shortly after the operation while DH was still in ICU, I went in to see him and who was sitting there in the room with his oldest DD but the ex wife! She was not there to see him while he was at deaths door but was there to socialize with the DD and to discuss the plans for the youngest D wedding which was months away! I was so angry. I ended up leaving the DD a voicemail expressing my opinion of the inappropriate ness of her allowing the ex to be there. Certainly without talking to me or even his parents first. We then notified the hospital staff that she was banned from coming near him. This was the second time she had been to his room, the first was when he was first admitted and was delirious and I was not there yet. Again she was not there out of concern for him. But she works at the hospital and felt she could do whatever she wanted without regard for anyone. Where do these people come from? And to steal your photo album! I would send them a certified letter demanding it's return and press charges if it is not returned in the condition they took it!
Inviting people into your home...absurd! Bothering you with stupid questions while your DH was in the hospital, but not telling you they were inviting people over... Who does that? Good for you for kicking them out!

Emotionallybeatup. Your post was so true about how these adult kids need some reality checks. If no one ever tells you no, or the truth then what? I am never too old for my parents to be straight with me and my kids will never be too old for me to do the same with them. They may not listen to me but they will be told never the less.

Back to the original post. " Sneaky asses do not belong in our houses"!

I would not let her back. She should get the GED and join the military if she needs a place to live and work. Or heaven forbid, get a job and help GM by doing stuff around her house and paying rent! That is what 19 yr olds should be doing if they are not in college. And even then...they should help around the house. Not cause problems.
I would not let her back in. Without a plan...there is no plan.
Feel selfish...forget what they say about you. Who cares what they think? It is warped and ridiculous. Not for the real world this SD needs to learn to live in. Best regard and enjoy your babies.