Tell her I said hello

Forums:

I didn't want to totally hijack the Christmas thread and know this deserves a topic/thread of its own because I'm sure it affects many/most of us: the MANIPULATIVE BS of (especially?) adult SDs. My youngest SD despises me. She has despised me since the day she learned her father and I were dating (the day she threw the phone across the room). Silly me never had a chance with her, although I tried and tried and tried. *dash1*

This was the baby-talking, baby-shuffling demon whose mission in life, it seemed, was to put on a show and manipulate daddy (love & cash) while giving me the finger. Her behavior got so bad that after that one horrendous holiday at our house, I told DH, "No more. I'm not being treated like this in my own house."

While DH was taken in (he said for years that her mother controlled her and this behavior), he couldn't disregard the more obvious rudeness and nastiness, and he began pushing back and confronting. Each time he did that, the Precious screamed and cried and denied her behavior. . .she was a victim who didn't know what he was talking about!

Fast forward into full adulthood: Every other phone call DH and SD have involves SD at the end telling him to say hello to me or, better yet, asking how I am. It makes me CRINGE, especially when he tells me in that, See? She doesn't hate you voice. *new_russian*

I began responding, "She can ask me herself, right? Why doesn't she? She has my email address and my phone number. She could even text me." And then I moved on to sitting him down and explaining for the umpteenth time that she says that to manipulate him, to satisfy him, to GASLIGHT him. The "girl" hates me. That's fine. I've accepted it. Just stop with the BS and games.

Hmmm, now that I've mentioned it, perhaps I should tell him to tell her, "MM sends her love." *ROFL*

Forget any idea about "love",

Forget any idea about "love", say rather "mm says hello too."

So true.

The worst one was his daughter telling him "Give Mary my condolences. Im sorry her father passed away." WTF???!!!

DH didn't have the nerve to tell me until weeks later when he tossed it out as proof that daughter cared about me. Lol. I set that record straight. But the other daughter again is a classic manipulator with always asking about me and my kids. I abhor it. She is sticking her nose in my business. My life. She just stands on the sidelines. But in some ways thank goodness for that.
when we were on vacation I had the urge to stick my tongue out and flip the finger when DH was taking my picture one day. Because I know he sends pics of me to

her while we were away. Lol. I never did though.

I do think he is a bit surprised at her outright refusal to come for Xmas. He did push her and tried to get past the BS. Will it change anything? No.

Of all of my ILs, only one of

Of all of my ILs, only one of them actually called me when my mother died (I couldn't even be at her funeral because of COVID restrictions), the rest of them did what your SD did. We've been together for over 40 years. And they wonder why I can't be bothered with any of them.

The ONLY email I have ever

The ONLY email I have ever received from youngest SD was after my mother died. She wrote: I don't know what I would do if I lost my mother.

I wanted to reach through the computer screen and strangle her.

Now that is an app that

Now that is an app that someone needs to develop.

Yep, still not able to climb

Yep, still not able to climb outside their selfishness and be a good/kind human being. Lawrd, what a b****.

Just looking good to her DF

She just wants to look good. Not really apologetic about her treatment of you. But wants to look like she is trying. In you get more with honey then vinegar. Be [look] nice for more gifts

We're on this path...SKID is

We're on this path...SKID is currently gaslighting DH - a lot drama over nothing and I am sitting here silently watching it. We are already not on speaking terms and I wonder if the next step will be "tell imperfectlyperfect I say hello"? When does it get to the stage that they even acknowledge you? Did your DH grow balls of steel and hold this SKID to the fire? What was the turning point where they suddenly acknowledged you? I am still in the stage of villian.

In the early days, I'd make a

In the early days, I'd make a meal or give a gift and youngest SD would say, "Thank you, Daddy!"
He would say, "Thank MM."
Later, they'd send Christmas gifts only to him. It was so embarrassing for DH when we'd open gifts with other people/family members there.
He said, "If you leave out MM, don't send me anything, either." He reminded them that I at the time always contributed to or outright purchased their gifts--often my own personal gift to each of them.
They stopped sending gifts to DH.
He tried to have numerous conversations with SD about whatever her issues with me were.
She wailed and denied, saying she didn't know what he was talking about.
He held his ground and did not invite her to our house for 7 years.

*When SD decided to get married, she realized she should probably acknowledge my existence (hilarious).
Her main motivator has always been money.
Each time she pops out another baby, I exist even more (she gets her MIL to send me baby shower invites; I do not attend or send gifts).

So, it's been a mix of DH confronting her through the years and her desire for money and gifts. It is also important to her to please (gaslight) Daddy. It is very sick imo.

I could have written this -

I could have written this - they purposefully exclude me from important family announcements and then when DH calls it on them they gaslight Dadddeee - it's kind of bizarre to watch grown adult males still trying to pull of little kiddo innocent acts. Recently I told DH IF they were really sincere why wouldn't they directly apologize to me whether it was a mistake or not - I am certain it was not a mistake but apologize for being a weeny and we'll move on. Nope and somehow DH keeps trying and not recognizing the cruddy behavior.

OMG - I could have written this

"he began pushing back and confronting. Each time he did that, the Precious screamed and cried and denied her behavior. . .she was a victim who didn't know what he was talking about!"

This is why I love ST so much. No one else knows what it's really like dealing with the diablas24&26. I can't tell you how many screaming/crying fits diablas have had when contronted by their behavior. They used to have these fights inside the house in front of me but now they have taken it outside to the lawn or driveway or entryway. Fine by me. I don't want to hear it. They tell DH they just don't understand, are so confused, and ask some version of "Did I do that?" or "What did I do?" I personally think DH lets them yammer on for far too long. If it were my kid I would shut that sh*t down. In fact, my kids don't act like that because 1. They know I don't tolerate it. 2. My kids aren't manipulative, passive agressive, drama queen brats. I just can't stand whiny, passive aggressive babies that can't take responsiblity for their own behaviors. I have never liked a whiner and I never will.

It is gag worthy that she tells your DH to tell you "hello." I wish I had a good come-back for you. Maybe other STers can think up some good come backs. I know that SD's are becoming more covert as they get older and this may be an issue I have to deal with soon.

OSD has already claimed to DH that she knows her behavior was poor when she was a teen and now that she is an adult she is "trying." (Trying what? I don't know? To be accepting that I exist? To not be a total byatch?) She also asks DH in private if he told me that she is "trying." I told DH that if she is really trying she can tell me to my face and apologize TO ME for her behavior. I know it's all manipulation of DH and lies.

It's amazing, isn't it? ST is

It's amazing, isn't it? ST is a sanity-saver! <3

How are you supposed to

How are you supposed to respond to that? "Oh, DH that is just so sweet of her to do that and make you her little errand boy!" I mean really do they think we give two sh*ts that their kid says that? I would tell him next time she asks you can just tell her I said, "bless her heart!"