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Step Daughter I need help

fabzionj's picture

My Stepdaughter.

I think I have a very sad story to describe here but I need some advice…and I don’t know that is me if I’m doing the correct thing or if I’m way wrong…but I just want the best for my kids…I will describe what is going on for the last 10 years and you guys let me know what is wrong…:

My wife and I are together for over 13 years and she has 2 daughters one of 29 and the other one 19 we got married 10 years ago and we have 2 kids my son of 9 and my daughter of 7…since the beginning everything from the side of the daughters was only hate they always blame me for take her mom away from them…and make my live so miserable any way many years pass and now the second daughter finish high school and went to college and my wife wants to keep her room as is and no one allow to get in even thought my 2 kids share the same room…I talk to my wife that since her daughter doesn’t live in the house we should give her room to my little one and she refuses and the reason why is because every weekend for the last 6 months her daughter only come home for the weekend and as soon as she come home she is going out and she sleeps out of the house in a relatives houses …? Why I told my wife that her room is not a closet that she must stay at the house an used or else…I will take that room for my daughter but she always refuse…neither the less she was always mean with my kids and not even say hi to them or anything…and to me she always insult me and say gross words even in front of my kids when she was under edge she call me the police because she blame on me that I took a calculator from her room and even my wife get in her side…nothing else to said but just the next morning after that day she found the calculator under her bed and come to me to say sorry after all the big show…right away I call the police and I make the police take her words to put it in the police report…? Do you believe that?

Years ago I use to have business with South America and all the things that I bought come to the house and she was stealing from me one day I say something to her and she got crazy and start getting everything and throwing everything all over the house when I saw all this I just walk away and I called my wife and told her what it was going on…when she arrive home the house was spotless like nothing happened that makes me look like a big liar …?

Another opportunity she was insulting me in front of my kids and I couldn’t take it no more and I took it from her arm and I send it outside until her mom’s come from work…guess what…she went to the hospital to the emergency room and said that I broke her arm…a big and very well plan to get me in jail…but thanks god the doctors knew that she was lying…because she didn’t have anything…and even she bring me police to the door of my house and they were ready to take me in…and even with my kids…feel so embrace because I work so hard to have my house in a nice neighborhood and all my fellow ask me what is going on or just look at me as the bad guy of the movie.
This morning and just to finish she pass in front of all of us not even good morning to no one and went to the basement and her way back I said how hard is to said good morning…and she right away star raising her voice…and I said no more…that’s it because I told her when she turn 18 that no more shows or raising voice in the house I told her show is over now no more police or shows because you were under edge …well she star with the famous word I Hate you and all this in front of my kids when we having breakfast how nice ehhh…of course my wife always defend her against everything saying that I provoke that…and that was enough I said this morning she is got to go…pack her things otherwise I’ll do it…I won’t take it no more I won’t take her insults or offensives words the worse of the worse that in front of my kids.

She get into her room and start screaming that I’m leaving and my wife begging her to stay a whole new show…I took my camera just in case and I record the whole thing.
Personally it was very strong experience for my kids and personally to myself I wasn’t raise in that kind of environment and I can’t take such an aggression.

After that I took my kids to school and of course they were crying also I told them to calm down before we get to school…that nothing will happen.

I know this is just few days before Christmas and I know that my wife for now on will make my live very miserable but guess what I have my kids and the rest believe me I don’t personally care…many times I told my wife to get divorce because her daughter but things happen and we still together.

Now you guys decide and help me how to approach all this conflict that to me looks very complicated.

Email me fabzionj@gmail.com

eyes2blue68's picture

Don't let your stepdaughter call the shots. All my 6 stepchildren are grown and many of them are manipulative. They will try to say or do anything to make you look like the "bad guy" which in turn will cause problems in your marriage. You and your wife must be a united front. If your wife is showing favoritism towards her own children and not respecting you, her husband, you'll be headed for a separation. My husband's best friend of 30 years is getting divorced for same reasons. His soon to be ex-wife's children could do no wrong, make threats, be verbally abusive, etc. and the wife catered to them. All your wife is doing is reinforcing negative behavior. Think of when a two year old wants candy and the store and starts screaming. You tell the child no. More screaming. Once again you say no. More screaming. Now if you break down and give the child candy you've just told the child after a certain number of crying fits, he or she WINS. This is the same case with your stepdaughter. She has realized what "works" with her mother at the expense of hurting you and your children who have to live with her verbal abuse and antics.

Get into therapy NOW. Don't ask your wife to come. She's not ready for it. My DH won't go but because I'm getting STRONGER, he is seeing his children for what they are and how they really just use him as a tool to meet their needs. Your therapist will have some suggestions for you to put things in perspective if you choose to stay in the marriage. Now I am fortunate that NONE of the stepchildren live in my home. That's not an option for me ever. I own the house and did prior to our marriage and my DH knows we don't have a revolving door policy. If his kids are old enough to marry and make babies, they can be grown ups and deal with whatever problems come their way.

Where your younger children sleep or share a room is not the big thing you need to attack right now. You need to deal with stepdaughter's behavior first to get peace back in your house. Good luck!

Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.