I feel you pain. I went thru the same thing. The difference was MIL lived in DH's house RENT FREE! He moved in with me before we married. When we had to put MIL in the nursing home, guess who clean all her crap out of the house. YOU GOT IT...ME!

I think you all be better off giving SS rent money for 3 to 6 months for a cheap apartment. Do not co-sign on the lease. After the 3 to 6 months, he is on his own. If he wants to be homeless that is on him. It is going to cost more money. I myself value my home. Your sanity is worth a lot.

We sold DH's house. We did not get shit for it. It is sold. It was a cute 2 bedroom, 1 bath on the outside. It was trash on the inside. I painted, cleaned, purged, put up new curtains. I even stage it with little to nothing. Worked my ASS OFF. We spent 6K with me cleaning and it sitting before we sold it. We did not got thru a Real Estate Agent. We saved there.

I wish you all had sold it rather than lease to buy. Sorry, I do not mean to sound negative but those deal can easily fall thru.

GOOD LUCK!

>>>I am speechless and appalled that this could happen.<<<

It's not going to happen, because you're not going to let it. Tell your DH his son is not moving into your home. Done.

Nope, give DH clarity, he and SS can move into the local Roach motel until SS launches or DH can stay in your home and drop $1 McD's hamburgers off at the local highway overpass for SS.

His choice. Either way SS does not enter your home.

Period~

Nope its your house not your husbands, you do not allow SS to move in with you. Its really that simple. There are some things that are "hills to die on" this is one of them.

Sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart chat, tell him you felt really quite taken aback that SS had left it till the last minute to declare his intent to move in with you. Explain to him that given the course of events over the last couple of years with everything to do with his parents house and the changes in plans, plus SS clear lack of regard in terms of paying rent to DH and the condition of the house that you've just helped clean up that you do not feel comfortable with having him in your home. Start it nice and easy, if you go on the attack instantly then your DH will go on the defensive and itll become "you dont like/accept my son and I have to do whats best for my son" argument.

Now if you want to soften the blow then you can agree with DH to provide the cash deposit for SS for a new rental but do not co sign, make it incredibly clear bank of dad is closed. There is a big difference between an adult child calling their parent to ask for a small loan due to unforeseen circumstances, its another entirely for an adult child to be calling regularly for cash hand outs.

Absolutely not. Nope.

Are you in the U.S.? Most communities have a program for people at risk of being homeless, funded through HUD. Find that. Give your SS the information. Under no circumstances allow him to move in with you. That would be my hill to die on too.

If it is your house that you own yourself, then you have the upper hand to refuse SS living there. Be prepared for this issue to end your relationship; it did that to mine. I was utterly shocked and devastated when it became clear that many people DO always value their kids over a second spouse. They often have a complete blind spot to the adult kids' faults because they think everything that's wrong in Junior's life is the fault of a broken home.

In my case it was the skanky SD21 who got pregnant then fell out with her BF (age 34, married to someone else but separated with two small children...great choice as a sperm donor). She needed a "home" so I was supposed to be big hearted enough to say yes. It appalled me that DH did not anticipate that his little tart daughter would continue her wayward behaviour by frequenting the nightclubs, abandoning her child to our care, and bringing "home" her dates so they could hump in the room next to us? Last I saw, DH was babysitting, SD was chewing gum and wearing a micro mini and stillettos. I filed and fled. Good thing I had enough capital to wait out the settlement.

And I was characterized as being cruel and heartless for not wanting to enable her behaviour, give up my chosen, quiet life; have to spend my time cooking and cleaning for the rat pack. It's all his now!

This was never a situation I anticipated when taking on this partner. He always talked a big game about making the kids fend for themselves. But when it comes to the crunch, the second wife gets trashed. I liked the comment on here that said...single woman meets DD with teenage daughter? Tell him to FO and never get involved in the first place.

There is no point in setting boundaries or relationship terms with "my kids come first" fathers of adult children. They are guilty dads to the core. They see everything after their divorce as temporary. They easily end second relationships by saying "every relationship runs its natural course". ... WTF does THAT mean -- have they never heard of simple integrity / keeping their promises?

Hello and I am new here. Still reading everything. I felt that I MUST TELL YOU MY THOUGHTS HERE!!!

Please, please please please do not allow the SS to move in "temporarily" -- tell hubby that it makes you uncomfortable, and you value your privacy.

Trust me, having that freeloader there can ruin your relationship. My SD stole some of my jewelry when she lived with us for 8 hellish months in MY HOUSE that I PAID FOR.

I don't know if it is your house or his house, but you are married to this man and he truly loves you and he should respect your wishes. Trust me if that brat moves in, you will
be the odd party out in your own house, and the kid will be running the show.

Please say NO to this. Set the boundary. NOW.