SS Nearly Ruined Father’s day/Vacation
Every year, it’s the same thing, but every year my husband allows it to happen.
SS picks a fight on vacation. This year, he struck early and picked the fight the night before we left.
This time it was about the Pack n’ Play (because his girlfriend still has the baby in bed with her at night)
By the end of it, my husband was getting pains in his chest… the jerk that he is, kept the argument with my husband outside, because he knew that if I Heard what was going on, I’d have intervened…
The next day, he leaves a “Fathers’ Day” card on the table and signs it “what should have been a great father’s day”
The next morning, even with the smart ass card, he acts like nothing happened.
Me, DH, BD, SD her BF all pack up our cars (SD and her BF drove up to our place late Fri night, to help out getting bigger stuff to the beach house for the week, they have an SUV)
We got in at 3:30… lugged everything up the stairs, kitchen stuff, bedding, towels, bathroom stuff… etc.
Then went grocery shopping…
Then about 7:00PM< SS and his GF decides to arrive. So all he has to do is unpack his luggage (his sister even brought down the damn pack and play and set it up for him)
I decided to have a good time, despite the theme of the week was that SS and the GF were going to do nothing that would benefit ANYONE except themselves
We’d go to the beach, haul chairs, umbrellas and a cooler… they’d show up an hour later with a towel and then leave a half our before anyone else… and take home with them the towel that they brought down and that’s it
We went to the water park on the boardwalk and SD and I split the cost for a cabana for the day… (DH already paid ahead of time for the passes for the entire family) guess who shows up with his wrist band day pass… uninvited and with an empty wallet to hang out in the (not that big) cabana that we rented? Guess who ordered lunch and drinks for himself and his girlfriend and had no money to settle up the bill? He claims that he thought that the food would be included… how do you get to be 26 years old and not see the prices on the menu and not think that they apply to you? SD (who was I think, just trying to keep the peace) paid that bill and then proceeded to pay for pretty much everything else for SS and his GF for the rest of week because he sat around complaining that he had no money to do anything, (I chose to ignore that, and go about my business, no skin off my nose… see ya at the beach…)
On Tuesday night, SS apparently DID have enough money to go out with friends to the bars without his girlfriend…(she’s not of legal drinking age) she sulked the entire next day for DH was so fed up that he went online and booked us our own vacation away from everyone…
I continued to make a concerted effort to have a good time, ignore the shenanigans, moods, poor mouth act etc… and my BD, DH and I really did have a good time.
On Friday night, I went around cleaning up, and discovered that the shower that SS and his GF were using, had about a quarter inch of sand in it!! I saw red and blew my stack!
I lost it…I confronted the two of them (stting on the couch, while I cleaned) about the state of the bathtub and the sand, and told them that there was no excuse for two “Adults” to be so negligent and careless as to ruin the bathtub like that…
I lost it even worse SS tried to blame it on my BD! .BD didn’t use that bathroom, she used ours… and when she came from the beach and was sandy she used the OUTSIDE shower, like everyone else does!
The G/F and SS went downstairs and proceeded to “clean” the bathroom
The next AM we were leaving and I woke up early to finish cleaning up and went into the bathroom to check it out. There was still some sand and a ring around the tub, so I wiped out the sand and washed the ring, when I went to rise it down, the drain was COMPLETELY clogged!
They washed ALL THAT SAND down the drain!
So then we had to tell the lady that we rented the house from that the downstairs tub is clogged and she’s going to know it wasn’t clogged when she left the house last Saturday and that much sand could very well ruin her plumbing and/or require a professional to unclog the pipe… that happens and we lose our $500 security deposit
You know damn well that we’ll never see that money from SS…
Thank you all for letting me vent on this.
He is 26 NEVER NEVER NEVER
He is 26 NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN INVITE HIM TO GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU - what an ingrate he is an adult let him plan his own vacations - if you continue to let your DH have him come along then you have to blame yourselves there is an age when you can say hey sorry this vacation is just for us and even if you invite the other kids that is okay - his behavior just lost him anymore vacations - seriously don't let him come along anymore!!! NO IS A WONDERFUL WORD - LEARN TO USE IT AND USE IT OFTEN AROUND HIM - he is an asshole!!! If he even tries to ask why he is not invited tell him when he pays the $500 deposit then you will let him come again - you will never see it so you won't have to worry about him paying the deposit and if he does then tell him you need another $500.00 to pay for whatever damage he is going to do on the next trip!!
Never! It’s bad enough that
Never! It’s bad enough that my husband has memory problems when it comes to the arguments every year on vacation, this takes the cake!
I love my husband more than anything and the argument was so bad, he was using the grandbaby as a pawn, “guess you won’t be seeing your grandson on vacation this year” my DH got so angry/upset that he was having chest pains afterwards.., that’s all I need to hear. I know what I say to my SD will filter through to her brother, so I told her…. I can tolerate a certain amount of being “taken advantage of” but the SECOND you hurt someone I love, you’re in for a world of hurt…
I barely spoke to SS or his GF during the week of vacation or at all since. When he enters a room, I make an excuse to leave it. *yawn, is it 10:30 already? Wow, I should go to bed!” (sideways look at him)
Last night’s dinner was made for exactly three people, me, my DH and my BD.
This morning I hid the blueberry coffee cake that I made, because I noticed that SS had taken a piece out of it last night. I have marked with thick black sharpies on everything in the fridge… “DO NOT EAT< THIS IS FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, DINNER, BD…etc”
I took the laundry they left in the dryer and dumped it into a laundry basket so that I could move our own…
I will be dropping these subtle, (petty, mean) hints and doing my best to make life in our home as uncomfortable as possible for them until they leave.
The end is near my friends!~
I had planned on having a sit down tonight, but I think SS works till close, so I have to wait until his next day off. When we have that opportunity, I’m going to bring another copy of the “contract” that they’ve ignored (the adult children living at home contract… not worth the paper its’ written on if you have an irresponsible “adult” child and a parent who coddles that child no matter what)
I’m going to confront them about having no money in savings and I’m going to tell them that they they’ve got two more months and they have to follow the rules and chores on their contract, otherwise they can go live in her mother’s two bedroom apartment and sleep on the floor for all I care.
My DH will probably have a fit, but it’s either them or me… and after he did that to my husband, I will not tolerate his presence any longer!
SS found out a year ago that his GF was pregnant, she moved in to our house in December… I was told they would be there till baby was born and then shortly after they’d be out the door…. I was lied to… three or four months my ass! DH can have the fit all he wants, I was gracious and generous and loving and kind and they used me up and spit me out
Neither of them are even five bucks closer to getting out on their own and unless there’s an ultimatum, it’s not going to happen. In two more months, we’ll have more than enough ‘rent’ money banked for them…that is if DH has been telling the truth about the payments being “pretty much” regular. I’m sorry to say, but since he’s been coddling this son of his for his entire life, I’m afraid that he may be exaggerating the “pretty much” regular. We were nearly one month behind to my knowledge, we should have $3,000 by August and I want them to be moving into a place of their own on September 1st. They don’t know we have their money. which is what makes the fact that they have NOTHING saved even more of a slap in the face to me!
"the adult children living at
"the adult children living at home contract… not worth the paper its’ written on if you have an irresponsible “adult” child and a parent who coddles that child no matter what"
Wow, I just had to shake my head at this part because my 21 yr old SD has also had a contract (two of them to be exact) and she might as well just make a hat out of it or wipe her ass with it because my wife refuses to actually enforce it. Wife just comes up with the contract idea to pacify me into thinking that she's actually serious about changes being made.
You are doing the right thing by the way. It's YOUR house too, and you have EVERY right to give an ultimatum whether BD likes it or NOT. I've told my wife repeatedly that I'm at the point where I don't care if my SD has to turn to prostitution in order to support herself, I just want her out of the house!!!!
what is it about skids that
what is it about skids that they don't ask to eat "special" food -- you know, treats? They just help themselves? I have to mark foods too. My skids are pigs! I have to mark all foods that are set aside for meals otherwise they eat everything in site! If I buy a treat for the family, I have to specifically tell them "do not eat" this because it is for the family. Or, if it is questionable that something is for a special occasion, do not eat it. If I buy whip cream for a Sunday morning for whip cream and strawberry whaffles, they always will get into it and eat it so then there is not enough for waffles. Seriously, they are pigs! Sorry had to get that out.
And for your SS to ruin the vacation -- pig pig pig! Selfish, self centered. No more vacations with them. Good to see your DH is finally being bothered by it too. Enough already. My DH is finally starting to see the light with his kids too. Sheesh.
momof5 OMG it’s like an
momof5 OMG it’s like an epidemic isn’t it? I think there’s something psychological about the food… as if to say HA HA, see what I can do? Who’s going to deny a person FOOD right? it’s the basic necessity, you’re an ogre if you tell them they can’t have something to eat!
Every year for the holidays, there are certain foods that I make… which my skids always had ZERO interest in, because they were MY Family traditions (what do you mean that we’re not having stove top stuffing, canned cranberry jelly and green bean casserole with instant mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving? Preposterous!)
That is until I moved in and made these dishes in OUR house. that first Thanksgiving I made my usual HUGE pot of Escarole Soup… I give it to my Dad for his Thanksgiving and I give it to my sister for her Family’s Thanksgiving…
I had containers in the fridge, same as I always had to do, marked with big black capital letters by a black magic marker: DO NOT EAT! THIS IS FOR (insert my Dad’s name here) DO NOT EAT! THIS IS FOR (insert my sisters name here)
I woke up Thanksgiving morning, ready to make my “soup run” to find that PIG of a SS ate half of a container of soup, which was supposed to be for my Dad… which was enough to feed 4-6 people!
My husband didn’t understand why I was so upset…he has CONSTANTLY done this to me…. We’ve been together for TEN years, I’ve been in that house for six years… SIX EFFING YEARS, I’ve been waking up to my BD’s prepared lunch GONE, MY lunch GONE… food I’d prepared in advance for dinner GONE!
I had it with a recent incident involving a pound of lump crab meat that helped himself to and made some sort of crappy pasta dish (jumbo lump crab… he shredded it and it wound up smelling like cat food, some Chef he is) I lost it completely and told him that he’s to buy his own damn food from here on out, so he went to the store and got a case or Ramen noodles and two cases of soda a loaf of bread and I forget what other CRAP, then he put it in the pantry in the garage, cleared out a shelf for himself, like WE’RE not ALLOWED to have any of the CRAP that he bought!
Ha, right! still doesn’t stop him from raiding the fridge… someone here suggested I put a pad lock on the refrigerator, which would be HILARIOUS! I’d put one on the pantry too if I thought I could get away with it… I still see food go missing… I’ll buy a big bunch of grapes for our lunches, and by mid week they’re gone… he goes through our Orange Juice like it’s water… when I tell him to replace it he lies and denies it was him that drank it.
When SD21 was living with us,
When SD21 was living with us, food would just vanish too !!! Because DH wasn't controlling anything she would stay up all night and just snack....cookies.....gone.....soda....gone.....popcorn......gone !!! Sleep until 3p.m, up for a few hours, sleep again, ready for the next all nighter!!!! Crazy !!! DH couldn't believe all the wrappers and cans she just threw under her bed !!!
No concept that eating all the snacks in two days was selfish to everyone in the house, but she had no idea about the cost of the food !!!!!
I just got the following
I just got the following e-mail
"SS" did the following…..
Cut the grass, emptied the dishwasher, mopped the kitchen floor and cleaned the kitchen, cleared the dining room table and set it, and vacuumed the downstairs.
Could you be nice to him tonight?
Love,
Me
because he takes ONE day to do stuff around the house after being a shit for an entire week, I'm supposed to be nice... what the hell does that mean? Not tell him he has to be out in two months?
:?
My reply after he got mad at
My reply after he got mad at my "that's great" response was basically that mopping the kitchen Floor once a week, taking out the trash, emptying the dishwasher, setting the table and cleaning the bathrooms every other week are things that are on their “contract” which they’ve ignored for months now, so I’m not getting all excited that one day he chose to do what he’s supposed to have been doing for ages… I don’t shower my BD with high praise for doing her chores… she has them, she knows what she’s supposed to do, sometimes I have to remind her and they get done… I don’t stand there and tell her how WONDERFUL it is that she does her chores…
WTF? I get up, make beds, cook and clean for everyone and does anyone tell me how GREAT it is that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing? I should buy an effing cookie and hand it to him when I walk in the door… “you did what was expected of you? Here’s your cookie!”
cpreston "here's your
cpreston "here's your cookie!" made me laugh! because I totally get where you're coming from. They do one chore in one month and expect high praises and that you should bend over backwards and kiss their butts, but you do these things every day -- do they thank you? Do they thank you for all the grocery shopping for all the food that they consume constantly? Do they thank you for the food you cook? etc?? NO! Okay, maybe occasionally, but it's rare, and the negative far outweighs the positive that you are so far in the red that it will be a long time before you ever are in the black ever again. If you get what I'm saying there.
The food thing is a huge issue in our house. I'm serious about our kids being pigs. I quit buying sugar cereal because seriously a box of cereal would be gone in one day. We go through a gallon of milk in one day. Bags of chips -- forget about it. We bought some chips to take to a party, and they didn't all get eaten so they sent them home with us.....well, we had five bags of chips that we brought home with us on Sunday. Today is Tuesday and most of the bags of chips are eaten! There are two bags left! I heard them even eating them at breakfast time! Gotta make sure that they get their fair share! Good grief!
I actually hide things in the veggie drawer now if it's something I want to save because they don't eat veggies and they never find it there! Works like a charm for smaller items. haha! And if I bury it in the freezer on the bottom shelf wayyyyy in the far back (if they have to look too hard, they are lazy) they won't find it either.
Sometimes I don't know if it does me good to vent or not sometimes :jawdrop: sometimes I wonder if it just works me up more --- although tonight it just feels good.
Basically I quit buying anything that was considered a "treat" because they were such pigs about it. They all have jobs (I've told them) and if they want sugar cereal or treats, they can go purchase them themselves. I'm done.
OMG !! Hiding food, we have
OMG !! Hiding food, we have stepped over to the crazy side too !!! Hehe !! SD21 had the basic chores....I mean ones I would give a 10 year old.....and it was too much of a struggle. When she was still at school she would come in and go to sleep !! I would finish work come home, to find her sleeping, DH would finish and come home, I had not woken her, why the hell should I??? DH would be home shortly after me and getting her up...this was usually on the 2 times in the week we asked her to start dinner for us ALL. I cooked all the other times. She would drag herself into the kitchen complaining and throw things in a pan and serve it to us!!! Yuk !!! Then she would skulk back to her pit and sleep again !!! Cycle would continue as DH also had to get up at 6 AM to wake her sorry a**e up for school !!! This was someone who was 18 at the time!!! I was starting to disengage by then, apart from the ocassional blow up when she just GAVE up and the house was beginning to stink !!
Funny thing was when I did the grocery shop and I forgot to get all the snacks she was feasting on at night....I didn't forget to get them, was just pissed about wasting the money on her !!! She was like where's MY popcorn....where's MY snacks ??? WTF ???
DH also wanted me to praise her like a puppy when she actually managed a chore !!! No way !! So for nine out of ten times she couldn't be bothered to do one of her five simple chores, yet the ONE time she does I'm supposed to hold a parade !!! ???
maux, I have to hide
maux, I have to hide 'feminine hygine' products for my BD and I, because the g/f takes THOSE for herself too!
I bought little shower pouches and "special" shampoo and conditioner and body wash for my BD and I (they're not special, we just pretend that they are so we can get away with not sharing) we pack up our toiletries, bring them into the bathroom, take our shower, pack up and take them into the room with us. (how sad is that?) and razors? fughettaboudit! If I forget a razor in the shower, I wind up throwing it away the next time I see it, because GOD knows who's used it!
oh and we have a lock on our bedroom door now, with a key... three people have the key, me, my husband and my BD
I know my BD isn't perfect...
I know my BD isn't perfect... she can be moody and always has to have the last word, I have to remind her to do her chores and brush her teeth (ew) but she's 12 going on 13 years old and has managed to be a more responsible human being than this 26 year old SS...
none of the "rules of the house" have ever applied to him. which pisses me off more than anything. SD had to live by the rules when she was living there (before me) my BD who is now 23 and married, with new baby, working husband, living on their own, she had to live by the rules of the house, my younger daughter has to live by the rules of the house, and will when she gets older and graduates from high school etc...
the rules were pretty simple:
1) do your chores
2) clean up after yourself
3) go to school or get a job
4) if you're not going to school you're paying rent
5) no 'visitors' of the opposite sex are permitted upstairs in the bedroom area
well, zero rules apply to SS... never have!
we had an ongoing HUGE argument about #5... the girlfriend was never anything more than a booty call, she'd sneak in after we went to bed and either hide up in his room till after we went to work or leave at 4am. Like we're stupid? like we don't know! I confronted him about it and was told "this isn't your house!"
REALLY? and it's YOURS?
my BD was having a sleepover party and I told him that under NO circumstances was he to bring the girl in while the kids were there... another HUGE argument! my husband put in the middle of it all, trying to "keep peace"
the situation from the beginning goes against my moral standards, and when I reversed it and said "so it'd be ok if this was YOUR daugher sneaking in and out of some guys home? so it'll be OK for MY daughers to do this?" he shunk back and recanted... but STILL never put his foot down on the girl sneaking in and out
then she gets pregnant and they act like they've been a "couple" all this time? WTF?
to make matters worse, I'm the one that wound up throwing her the baby shower!!! her mother was too busy with HER b/f to be bothered, then the mother dumps her on our doorstep because she's moving in with HER b/f and there was no room for the knocked up kid!
I didn't ask for ANY Of this! I realize that life isn't always what we expect it to be, I'm a big girl and I know that sometimes you get thrown a curveball... but I also know that there are circumstance in life that can be avoided... and as much as I love that little baby... this whole situation would not have arrived if SS had been held to the same standards that the girls in our blended family have been held to.
now WE'RE left holding the bag, financially speaking.
the a-hole left his "budget" that he had written out in the TV room last night (I swear he's taunting me with this crap)
he clears $1,100 every two weeks... he "BUDGETS" $300.00 for his credit card
he also wrote out that he was bringing $400for "vacation"
um, I guess that's why he cried poor the entire time and bummed money and meals off of his sister?
and WTF is he charging that he needs to pay $300/month on a credit card?