sick story!! advice??
I am married to dh for 25 years and we have three kids college age and high school. he has two kids from first marriage who had no problem with me till we had kids. Now they hate my guts and don't acknowledge our kids exist. one has never even met them. skids are in their late thirties and married. sd has done horrible things to me and so has ss. dh for years would drive one hour to see them. all they would do was try to make him divorce me. finally three years ago he told them he would not come see them anymore If they didn't apologize for all theyve done to his wife. crickets.. the son said he would but didn't and sd said no fu&&cing way. so they barelt talk now. dh is upset but we ar ehappy in our life with our kids. any advice on how to handle this
Yes. Thank your lucky stars
Yes. Thank your lucky stars that your DH saw the light and has your back. Then enjoy your DH and kids that you have with him.
thank you for your reply!
thank you for your reply!
I was only looking for
I was only looking for advice.. its very sad when skids do this and their dad suffers and so do they
You are right. I think he and
You are right. I think he and their mother raised them to be entitled brats that only care about themselves. I don't think he thought theyd say f u and never see him again. He even tolds me that they are jealous of our kids, they've half siblings and want them to come from divorced house like them and they don't feel anything for them. crazy! I guess I just am stupid and think people should act human when clearly they are not capable of it.
Wow...everything u said is
Wow...everything u said is spot on and I thank you for your words. And yes I'd like to change...why do I expect people to act decent?? And yes I get so upset over any situation where people are heartless and hurtful...thank you
Sometimes sick stories like
Sometimes sick stories like yours is just hard to accept. It is hard to comprehend how someone could not love their own father enough to be respectable to his wife. It is hard to comprehend how someone could not love their own brothers & sisters simply because they have different mothers.
It is what it is and your dh is largely to blame. When a father allows his children to be rude for what ever reason, he is teaching them it is ok and the rude behavior only gets worse.
Simply accept that it is what it is and make a choice to be happy with the family and people who really do love you.
You are so right..I have to
You are so right..I have to learn to accept that everyone is not nice and not everyone is loving and caring. I try but it's hard.
Yes, it is the difference
Yes, it is the difference between raising kids who have enough respect for their parent to say "I don't like her BUT I love you SO I will maintain kindergarten manners (i.e., be polite, don't take what is not yours) so that we can all get together in peace.
Compare this with "I love you daadddeeee BUT I hate her SO I want you to leave her, I will never be in the same room with her. If you want to see your grandchildren again you will do it without her, preferably permanently."
Critical listening rule # 1: throw away everything in front of the BUT and pay attention to everything after the SO.
absolutely!
absolutely!
Thank you and yes the are
Thank you and yes the are very lealous, imagine wanting him to divorce me so our kids could come from a divorced home too.. Who does this... They are sick.
It is good that your DH has
It is good that your DH has opened his eyes and he has attempted to correct the problem. That is all he can do. Let it go and move forward with your life and bio children.
You care too much what your skids think. When you get to the point that they are history in "your" world it will be easier. My SD is total history. She lives one block and I might think about her once a month, only if I happen to notice she drives by. She texts, calls, stops by to see DH (when I'm away), leaves little gifts for DH on my counter, the whole ball of games. I ignore it all, because I really don't care if she breathes.
Let your DH handle his kids and enjoy your real life. My DH has never apologized, nor has he asked SD56 to apologize to me for the treatment of 30+ years, prior to my total disengagement. I have had to learn to accept the fact that they believe they are right in mistreating me (because I am a SM); I do not engage with my SD56 and do not subject myself (7 yrs now) to any further passive aggression. Our life is peaceful now. My SD56 still hates the disengagement and tries to "gas light" me; but it gives me delight to ignore her and THAT "gas lights" her.
I set boundaries for myself and I ABSOLUTELY do not care if my SD exists another day. I don't wish her dead, I just wish her luck in disappearance. }:)
You are so fortunate that
You are so fortunate that your husband has a strong backbone, did not put his head in the sand and stood up to support you. My husband is just like Sammi's; he knows what they have done to us and still he does not make them apologize and continues to protect them, regardless of their very cruel actions and words. They certainly hate my daughter and I a lot more than they love him...at least your husband is a wise enough man to see it..count your blessings OP! We are totally disengaged, as well. It is the only way I can live with him, given this situation.
A good thing about being an
A good thing about being an adult is that you don't have to deal with people you don't like. They don't like you so you need to accept that and enjoy the fact that you are one of the few wives who's husband chose her instead of his kids. If he is accepting their choice then you--a complete stranger to them, should as well. He probably knows more about them than he's told you so he might be saving you a load of trouble so stop asking for the drama. Live and let live. You have gone this long without them in your and your kids's lives another 25+ isn't going to hurt y'all any.
I agree and we're not young
I agree and we're not young anymore. I'm too old and tired to even want to deal with this. At this point in life I worry about my health and his and our three children. I do not even want to know from this but he is hurting, that bothers me.
Unfortunately although it may
Unfortunately although it may be possible to disengage from Wicked SK, the reality of a DH who treats his DD as more of a spouse than his actual wife, particularly when that DD is actively trying to break up your marriage, means you will always be dealing with things at some level. The questions become can you live with your particular situation and how much will your DH protect your marriage. OP, your DH is protecting you and your marriage. Tell him you appreciate him and focus on that.
yup, the drama just never
yup, the drama just never goes away!
You are so fortunate! My ex
You are so fortunate! My ex did the opposite after being together for 25 years. He divorced me because of his spoiled, rude ds. One day I finally complained that my dh chose to hang out with his ds the day before I was supposed to fly across the country. I wanted to spend time with my dh before I left, I had never verbally complained and my dh just blew up because I did. Consequently, he divorced me as a result. I am still sadden to think that his 46 year ds came first.
Your dh loves you!!! How wonderful to know that you come first. Ignore the ingrate, do not think twice about her. She is not worth one minute of your time or thoughts.
I feel sad for you but it is
I feel sad for you but it is his loss and he probably realizes that. I hope you find someone who loves you and appreciates you!
Your DH already handled it.
Your DH already handled it. Done deal, now it's up to skids to meet his requirements if they want to have a relationship with him.
If all husbands had b@lls like yours this board would not exist!
yes but she is always trying
yes but she is always trying and I live on eggshells. Now at this point in my life I say if u wanna ever leave just do it. The pressure of all this is more than I want to deal with at this stage of my life.
If there is stench most
If there is stench most people stay away from it. The stanky Skids are doing you, your DH, and your BKs a favor by staying away.
Enjoy it.... and tell DH periodically how upset you are that his kids are being such jerks. Just to keep clarity to the forefront.
I try not to even mention
I try not to even mention them ever. Problems come when she calls and texts telling him what a piece of crap he is and she doesn't have a father. She tries to play the victim but she created this. Just once Id like to hear her take responsibility for her mouth. Just once. never happen though.
She's turning on him now that
She's turning on him now that she cannot get to you; just roll with it, say nothing. Let him experience the real person his daughter is....You stay out of all drama and communications. Don't let anybody smooth talk you back into the misery, unless your husband can fully correct this kid's behavior. Sounds like he is doing a lot more than most of our husbands on this board.
yes he is but its hard for
yes he is but its hard for him to accept. I wish that he would accept it and learn from it. she tells everyone they know all his family and friends that he is a horrible dad. she fails to mention how she would just never accept any invitation from us to being a family and this has went on for years. shes truly wicked and he sees but then he forgets most things. however, I do remind him from time to time.