People that you meet in traffic

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I had an interesting meeting at a red light yesterday afternoon. DH & I took a weekend run down to NC, to ride The Dragon, 318 curves in 11 miles, always a fun ride. Anyway, on our way home we fell in with another bike that had a man and young boy around 12 or so I would say riding along and cruised with them for a time. At one of the red lights DH pulls up beside and starts talking with the man, turns out he & his son have taken a weekend trip and are going to the beach later this week, “while he’s with me” were this gentleman’s words. For me, I figured oh it’s your summer visitation, and you're keeping him entertained. (Now that I’m a SM, I look differently at the world)

Later when we stopped for a bite to eat, DH brought them up in conversation. I made a passing comment about the entertainment, and DH said but yah, its good their making the most of their time together. In that moment I realized my DH was a Guilty Dad when SD was younger, when she was with him, he kept her entertained. I now understand a little better why she freaked out when we made a trip without her, much less that it didn’t revolve around her. Up until that point everything was about her, now with me, all of the sudden it’s not. Didn’t matter that she was 19, and living her own life, DH’s life was still supposed to revolve around her.

SD is having a hard time grasping what her relationship with DH should be now that she is an adult. She thinks it should still be like when she was 12, Daddy’s little girl, but it’s not that way anymore. I somewhat feel sorry for her, I don’t think she has the mental tools to understand you grow & change over the years of your life, so your relationships with people do as well. She’s stuck, emotionally & mentally, she’s still the little girl that thinks her Daddy is supposed to be her Prince Charming.

I blame DH for some of SD’s problems, I can see how he helped her to get where she is. But, I also blame SD for her nastiness; it’s uncalled for, all over a little vacation. I’m the first one to hold her accountable for her cruel words and actions towards me & DH. I explained to DH, for me SD plays by a different set of rules now, she is an adult and I will treat her as such. No pity, no oh poor SD, she’s a child of divorce. I’ve been a SD since I was 5, I’ve been there done that and I survived just fine and so will she. I hope everyday that DH & SD get to a place where they can be some kind of friends that's all I can do at this point, I can't fix her or their relationship, that's up to them.

It was a light bulb moment

It was a light bulb moment for sure. I don't speak for DH, but I will speak up for me and that is what my SD has learned.

I hope your DH and SD can

I hope your DH and SD can become good friends too.

I will say this about both my parents, though- I know I can always turn to them for unconditional love, advice and support.

However, unless we're doing some sort of family/group vacation, we do our own separate vacations. At SDs age she should be going on school trips (if she is going to college) and/or going on trips with friends/her boyfriend.

Anon, I want nothing more

Anon, I want nothing more than for them to be ok. SD has no friends and can't keep a boyfriend, she's too overbearing. Even her family on BM's side has nothing to do with her or BM, because where they go drama is sure to follow. SD realizes she is no longer in control of DH and were happy together, she stills holds onto the dream that he & BM will reconcile, it's sad really.

I sat behind a couple with

I sat behind a couple with two boys at a baseball game recently. Woman on end, man with 2 boys on his other side.

Just from the body language it was clear that she was not their mother. She never talked to them and looked bored out of her mind. Later she and I struck up a conversation and she made it clear right away those were not her children.

Funny how easy it is to spot these things.