parenting question
DH and I were babysitting SGKids today, so SS and DIL could go to the movies. Me and DH had them SGKids help us clean all the yard toys in a kiddy pool with soap and a garden hose while we swept and clipped the bushes. Then I had DH drop me and SGKids off at the waterpark so we could play in the sand toys there (it was too windy and cold to swim) (I only bought a season pass for me and SGS4. SGD is 3 and free, and DH hates taking them to the waterpark) I told him to pick us up in 40 minuites, curbside, which he did, and helped me strap them in carseats. We went home, DH played with SGKids while I made loads of french fries in my fry daddy. I put out tongs. The SGKids fought over the tongs, so I put out 3 more tongs to grab fries with. One tong was silver with white handles, one was red, and two were small black tongs. They were enjoying themselves practicing lifting french fries with tongs.
SS29 comes home with DIL and sits down to eat fries, (They brought Grandpa and I the full popcorn refill- YAY!) and SGKids start to fight over the red tongs. SS29 says to DIL, TAKE THOSE AWAY FROM THEM! , which she does. I go to the drawer and get an Identical pair of red tongs, so now they can each have a pair to work with, and I set it down next to the other red tongs. I wasnt trying to undermind their parenting, I just think those kids dont have to act like there is a tong shortage and we all need to get desprate. After I did it I felt bad like SS thought I was underminding. I am old school and he is milinneal.
It got me to thinking, when kids fight over an object, such as in a classroom or a birthday party, is it better to take the object away so no one can have one, or is it better to provide mulitple objects, like tools, or bottles of glue or sissors or basketballs?
This seems like such a minor
This seems like such a minor thing so I wouldnt worry too much. But you did kind of undermine him. The two kids were fighting and his solution was to take the tongs away since they couldn't share. It sounds like he was trying to show them that they will lose the privilege of using the tongs if they can't share. So you giving them another pair, in my opinion, was undermining. However, it is a minor issue. I would just be careful not to undermine him or DIL too much or they may become resentful.
It's curious that you
It's curious that you describe yourself as old school and the parents' reaction as milennial - I see how you handled it versus the parents as exactly the opposite (yours was more millennial; SS's more old school).
Because they're siblings, it's important they learn they can't always have equal shares of everything and they'll learn this with tongs or trucks or attention. If it's a celebration or party with lots of kids who don't know each well, I think it better to keep the peace and make sure there's enough to go around so no one's pouting at a party. But in everyday life, parents use the "losing the privilege" approach to keep mayhem from breaking out and to keep their sanity. I think it's important parents have some rules and consequences if kids aren't civil.
You're a grandparent, though, and going to a grandparent's house always means a little more patience and pampering, so what you did is expected.
You did undermine SS a little, but not with any malice -- just write him a quick email or mention that you're sorry if you overstepped. I bet he'd appreciate that you thought about the situation and acknowledge it.
I have to say that your
I have to say that your millennial SS is a very respectful man. He did not want his children fighting in your home and put an end to their behavior. What every parent should do. If you are watching the grandkids you are in charge. If the parents are there they are in charge.
haha! yes that transition
haha! yes that transition time is iffy, at grandparents house after babysitting, when parents arrive to pick them up, but stay to visit.
I call them millennial because they want to be friends with thier kids- BUDDIES- its ok for him to let them play inside a bedroom with a plugged in working chop saw on the floor, while hes doing carpentry in the bedroom as long as they have safety glasses on while they are pushing and fighting. They are allowed to wrestle and hit each other and their parents, one time when DIL came to pick them up after I babysat them, she hunched down to hug him and he punched her right in the nose! She said "OWWWW! NOW GIVE ME A KISS!" Instead of getting him in trouble for punching her in the nose. When the kids used to punch grandpa in the crotch, or shove grandma when shes going down the stairs, they would say "Don't do that, OK BUDDY? like they are asking permission to parent them. Its really not consistant. In the old school way, we are not allowed to hit our parents and grandparents. One time I got the new yearly calandar and I was transfering birthdays on the the new one, my SGD3 ripped it out of my hands, and I said in front of DIL, "Stop! give me my calander back!" and SGD crumpled it up into a ball while smiling at me. DIL did not say one word.
Wel well these kids sound
Wel well these kids sound horrible and dreadful to be around. You are right these children need some consistency when being told what is right and what is wrong.
Ugh. I don't know how people
Ugh. I don't know how people tolerate kids. I just really don't.
Haha! But I really love my SS
Haha! But I really love my SS, DIL and SGKids. They just parent different than we raised him. Me and Grandpa have to develop different stratigies for different situations because SS and DIL are watching us and they get to decide how they want to raise their kids. For instance one time when they were living with us, I had two toddler mattresses in their room for the kids, they wanted me to take the toddler mattresses out and put in two regular twin matttresses in there because "when the kids jump on the toddler mattresses, they fall off." Well the old school way is you dont jump on the bed. In the millenial way, you get a bed that you can jump on safer. I have ALL TILE FLOORS throughout the house, so when I would babysit them while they both worked, The SGKids would want to jump on the bed-cause its allowed in their world, and I would say a little song, "Don't jump on the bed or youll get a bloody head". well SS came home and they sang the song to their dad, who looked at me dissaprovingly and said "well thats a little graffic." HAHAha! then it was all awkward.
The rules in your home
There may be a difference in the way you parent compared to SS but SS should understand that this is your home. I've had the experience of having someone bring over their children who have not been taught to be respectful of other people's property. My ex-SIL for example, allowed her 5 year old son to jump on our couch and run 'amuck', getting into everything in our home. I was flabbergasted as she sat there, not saying a word while he tore up our house.
Sit down with DH and make rules for your house, skip the little riddles and take a no-nonsense approach. When the Gskids are in your home they go by your rules. Period. Let DH communicate the rules to SS or Gskids as needed. If the Gskids start jumping on the bed, DH informs them that it is against the rules of the house to jump on beds. If they try to trip someone up, DH tells them that type of behavior is not allowed in your home.
It sounds as if you are trying to play nice but are openly frustrated with the lack of respect and communication - you are uncomfortable but don't want to come across as a heavy so you make up a song instead of getting angry or upset. On the other hand, it appears your SS is getting 'primed' to find justification to use you as a scapegoat or predator or a bad influence on his kids. His next step is to accuse you of making him and his family uncomfortable. Limit your communication with SS and let DH deal with him. If SS is in your home he can discipline his children without your interference, but with consideration that this is your house. Stand firm that if SS wants you to babysit there will be no judgments either way - or he can pay for a babysitter.
That's really funny!
That's really funny!
When I first read "tile floors," I thought "easy cleanup and no blood stains!"
My mother was a little over the top with graphic parenting, but I don't know how these millennials got so *precious.* I hope it swings back to the middle after the millennials.
Neither. The message is ...
Neither. The message is ... "life isn't always fair or equal. Suck it up buttercups!"
Your house, your rules. We had my SIL (DW's youngest sib) tell us what we could and couldn't do with her spawn once when we had them for a day. Nope, we ignored that crap and they did what they were told when they were told while with us. The little one ran crying to her mommy after her day with us because "they told me NO!" etc.....
She was lucky we didn't spank her ass for her crappy behavior.